I rode my bike to the liquor store last night to get a bottle of Scotch. As I was about to head home

[Floyd R. Turbo]

I thought if I fall off the bike the bottle could break. So I drank the Scotch in the parking lot which turned out to be a wise decision, cause I fell off the bike seven times on the way home!

[underpants]

1. Florida man was upset that his buddy was chugging all his vodka. The situation escalated.

http://amp.miamiherald.com/news/state/florida/article222330995.html

According to a police report from the Martin County Sheriff’s Office, deputies responded to a battery call in Stuart. When they arrived to the American Legion parking lot, an “intoxicated” man covered in blood approached officers, saying he’d been beaten up by a homeless man named Louis Piselli.

The victim, John O’Rourke, reported that he and Piselli had been sitting in his van nearby in the parking lot of Lowes. The two men had only known each other a short time, having met at the Martin County Fairgrounds for a Thanksgiving dinner served by a church group, he said.

While sitting in the car, O’Rourke told officers that Piselli asked him if he had any vodka. The victim replied that he had a half a pint and handed him the bottle, which Piselli began to “chug,” read the report.

O’Rourke told Piselli he was “upset” that he was drinking all his booze, and that’s when the situation escalated. Piselli then allegedly grabbed the man by his hair, slammed his head against the steering wheel and dragged him out of the van to beat him some more, biting his right ear in the process

[Floyd R. Turbo]

2. Why I drink alone! 🥃

[unblock]

3. don't drink and park, kids!

[Sherman A1]

4. Great!

[LakeSuperiorView]

5. Uh, Mr. Turbo? The last three times you were riding a park bench.

Three and four were playground equipment...

[ToxMarz]

6. Scary Youtube recommended video

Just after reading this post I went to Youtube and the fist recommended video was

They watch everything we do online!

[smirkymonkey]

11. I feel really guilty laughing about this, but it was really funny.

I couldn't help it!

[2naSalit]

7. Good thinking!

Otherwise, might have had too much spilled scotch!

[packman]

8. Every man needs to plan ahead

Sound decisions require deep thought

or

lots of booze

[panader0]

9. A guy down the road got a DUI on a horse a few years ago.

But the best is when my old drummer got a DUI driving a backhoe to the
beer store about 10pm with five or six other drunks hanging on for the ride.
All the lights on, bouncing up and down.

[klook]

12. Drummer jokes...

They just write themselves!

[GusBob]

10. My wife asks me why I always come home half drunk

I tell her: 'cuz I ran out of money

[jmowreader]

13. Floyd has experience in that kind of thing

It seems that about six months ago, Floyd went to the liquor store on his bike for a bottle of scotch. He put the bottle in his back pocket and started pedaling home. When he got halfway there, a Deplorable cut him off and he fell on his ass. A few seconds later he found he was sitting in a puddle of liquid. Floyd looked up to the sky and said, "Lord, I know I'm not a religious man and I'm kinda new at this praying thing, but please let that be blood."

[Totally Tunsie]

14. Then there's the wife who didn't realize her husband was a drunk,

until the night he came home sober...