538's definitive ranking of Halloween candy...

[brooklynite]

Link to tweet

[PoliticAverse]

1. List fails without Circus Peanuts. n/t

[Lochloosa]

2. No Bit-O-Honey? Boooo

[Renew Deal]

3. Peanut butter M&M's are too high

And Sour Patch Kids are missing.

[Pacifist Patriot]

7. I have a confession to make.

My son received a senior gift from his high school marching band program last week. The bag had lots of cool things in it with candy as "filler." I stole a little bag of sour patch kids. I figured I deserved a little something for all the trombone lessons (and trombones) I've paid for over the years.

Damn I love those things!

[Laffy Kat]

24. You're forgiven.

I would have done the same thing.

[Pacifist Patriot]

33. Much appreciated!

[dchill]

4. Smarties? Anyone?

[genxlib]

14. Love smarties

Lately I had the misfortune of discovering the supersized ones that are the size of a quarter. So addictive.

[Pacifist Patriot]

5. Where is my Almond Joy?!

[idziak4ever1234]

6. I got a rock.

[Brother Buzz]

11. It was a fine rock, no?

The next year, I handed out persimmons to the kids, and golf balls to the parents. I live a charmed life and experienced no busted windows windows either year.

[idziak4ever1234]

12. LoL + 1,000!

[Pacifist Patriot]

34. When I was in fifth grade, a lady in the neighborhood gave out toothbrushes in a toothbrush holder.

Some teenagers threw them back at her house and made noise about bringing back eggs and toilet paper. When my friends and I got back home to plow through our haul to trade for favorites, two of my friends and my sister threw their toothbrushes at me and said, "here, you can have this."

About a week later, I opened the toothbrush holder and found a dollar bill wrapped around the toothbrush. Pulled out the other ones. Yep, a dollar bill inside each and every one.

Considering how many years ago this was now (um, several decades), Halloween must have cost that woman a small fortune. We moved away three weeks later so I have no idea if she did this every year or did different things each year to screw with the kids. Wish we'd stuck around. I'd have loved to have befriended her.

[PoliticAverse]

18. ...

[idziak4ever1234]

20. Thanks!!!

[Yavin4]

22. How f*cked up must the adults be in this town to give a child a rock as Halloween candy?

That some cruel, highly coordinated shit. It's a little kid you fucking monsters. Give him some candy.

[Buckeye_Democrat]

26. Charlie was obviously a liberal...

... who didn't even know how to cut out KKK eye holes, so maybe he was in a cruel right-wing neighborhood?

[Brother Buzz]

36. The KKK has troubles with eye holes, too

[Buckeye_Democrat]

37. Lol, I saw that movie in a local cinema!

I think that I was the only white guy in there during that showing. Great movie, but I started hoping that other patrons wouldn't direct any anger towards me. (I slunk down in the seat.)

I jumped and my heart raced for a brief time when a large African American woman seated directly behind me stood up and SCREAMED at the screen, "Don't you dare blaspheme the Bible!" (That was during the scene of the brothers with the whip reading from the Bible.) She never yelled about anything else.

[Dave in VA]

8. CANDY!

Everything else is irrelevant.

[Mortos]

9. It came in 67th

Which is higher than it should have.

[TheRealNorth]

10. This list looks legit IMO

I don't think I ever ate half the Candy Corn I received.

[brush]

13. The only thing wrong with Reese's Peanut Butter Cups is...

they as only two bites.

[Danascot]

21. Oh, I have exciting news for you!

[brush]

28. OMG! Dreams do come true.

[genxlib]

15. They clearly oversampled the peanut butter lovers

With peanut butter claiming 6 of the top ten including Reese's claiming 4 of them.

I cry foul

Unskew the polls!

[MrScorpio]

16. Bingo!

[Pacifist Patriot]

35. The odd thing is that I am not a peanut butter lover by any stretch of the imagination.

But I can be bought with a few well-timed Reese's cups. Especially when they started making them with dark chocolate.

[OriginalGeek]

42. The thing is

I full on agree with #1 but the other Reese's offerings are crap. Minis have the wrong ratio of chocolate to peanut butter and I just don't like Reese's pieces.


The rest of the list is pretty much fine by me. Chocolate, peanut butter and caramel are pretty much all I need.

[Earthshine2]

17. In my trick or treating days, I'd wind up with a bag full of "Mary Janes."

I hated them so much.

[jmowreader]

38. A lot of people here would like to get some Mary Jane for Halloween

[Wicked Blue]

40. Mary Janes are nasty tasting

I rank them next to Circus Peanuts

My favorite is Almond Joys.

[beemer27]

19. They left one out!

Where are the Peeps?

[Laffy Kat]

25. Peeps are for Easter, silly.

[Buckeye_Democrat]

29. And they're disgusting anyway!

They're supposed to be sugar-coated marshmallows, but I'm not sure what they REALLY are.

[Laffy Kat]

31. I've never been able to stomach them either. nt

[Wicked Blue]

41. Sweetened styrofoam with coloring nt

[gratuitous]

23. Fucking Chris Cillizza

Of COURSE that knob would be a candy corn fan.

[Major Nikon]

30. ...

[Buckeye_Democrat]

27. Snickers and Milky Way for me.

The Milky Way bars in Germany, called "Mars" over there, were incredibly good! That was many years ago, so I don't know about now.

Asked a brother stationed over there to send us more of them by mail, and the dummy went to his military base to buy and send us the USA-version of the Mars bars instead! Yet he'd previously seen us, just a few weeks earlier, enjoying the German-made Mars bar like it was the candy of the Gods!

[Coventina]

32. FAIL! $100,000 Bars are the BEST!

Skittles should be way up there as well.

[jmowreader]

39. They REALLY need to bring back the best candy bar ever made

It was called a Marathon bar. It was three strands of caramel braided, then dipped in milk chocolate. IIRC it was a foot long and had a ruler printed on the back of the package, apparently so you could measure things while pigging out.

Probably the reason it got discontinued was it pretty much had to be eaten frozen because the caramel was soft and got all over everything if you ate it in its natural state.