A half joking post for a Saturday morn...

[cilla4progress]

My neighbor - the one who painted the name of TFG in orange fluorescent paint on a boulder above his place - facing my place (surely in response to our Biden/Harris, Inslee, etc. signs of last fall), who shoots at random times, starts his loud equipment at 7 on a Saturday morn, confronted me about HRC - is developing a corner of his property next to ours for a wedding ceremony for his son in September. It may have been this son who painted the boulder. This is a neighbor with whom we have an unspoken nonaggression pact. He and my husband work well together on a community irrigation ditch, and said redneck neighbor provides all the heavy equipment. Go figure.

We've lived on this side hill for 31 years. It's not all ours, only 13 acres of it, but it's been a sanctuary most of those years. Now it's clowns to the left of me, jokers to the right...

So, frankly, I would like to EFF up the wedding. I know, I know. I'm being a vindictive little b****. But this one time, I don't care.

So, I want to do it with a soft touch. 1) Because we can't afford to be too obvious and incite hostilities - not going there, never going there. and 2) don't want to totally obviously eff it up, but meaningfully so!

Loud music is the obvious choice - I'm thinking The 1812 Overture? Or me on my bongos on my deck - oh, I'm still learning bongo.

I was thinking a stink bomb - something sulfurous. Of course, that could blow back on me.

So far, my husband is thinking about putting up his hammock and watching the whole thing from afar. I've thought about stripping down slowly and getting in our hot tub during the vows - the sight of my naked 66 year old body ought to be a subtle diss...!

So - thoughts, DU hive mind?

[cloudbase]

1. My advice is to just let it go.

Do nothing.

[abqtommy]

15. I agree. Enjoy the thought but don't risk the deed.

[Ocelot II]

2. Don't do anything overtly hostile.

Maybe you could have a party of your own at the same time.

[Pobeka]

4. Perhaps there is a project you need to do that requires loud equipment?

Something you've been putting off, but just can't delay?

[Kali]

5. send a nice gift

trust me, that will do more subtle revenge than anything overtly hostile.

[broiles]

7. +1, Excellent!

[Under The Radar]

6. Skunk scent- is strong last for days

Just have one spray in that area, don’t have to kill it, just scare it.

[lastlib]

8. Lou Reed - Metal Machine Music

And earplugs for you--that is some seriously obnoxious noise! Guaranteed to eff up neighbor's event!

[snowybirdie]

9. Take the day

to have a nice drive and dinner. Enjoy yourselves. Or, perhaps even a night away for a romantic interlude? 66 ain't too old! LOL. Forget the fools and be happy in your life.

[Glamrock]

10. That is thee shit!

You go girl!

My opinion. Shotgun target practice during the vows….

[rsdsharp]

11. I like the idea of the 1812 Overture.

To really do it right, however, you need cannons. Do you have any 105mm howitzers handy for the finale?

[csziggy]

16. I used to have on vinyl a version of the 1812 Overture performed in Moscow

With the original church bells and authentic cannons. Unfortunately our vinyl collection seems to have been lost in the last move and I don't remember which orchestra did it.

I got it while living in the dorm and once my dorm mates completely alienated me, I would play it at top volume to drown them out. I moved out of the dorm shortly after - by my choice, not theirs, though I am certain they were glad to see me go.

[rsdsharp]

17. I went to a 4th of July Concerta number of years ago.

Behind the audience were 5 or 6 105s with National Guardsmen manning them. Gave a whole new meaning to percussion, so to speak.

[csziggy]

18. Yes, even on my cheap audio system back then, the percussion of canon fire

And the resonance of the bells added so much more depth to the music it was amazing. I wish I had a digitally enhanced version now, though my sound system is not terribly advanced now - not as good as the system I had twenty years ago.

Oh! Here is the version I had on vinyl! I misremembered - it was NOT done in Moscow but with period appropriate canons and bells.

[Laffy Kat]

12. Two words: leaf blower. nt

[FakeNoose]

13. Are you invited to the wedding?

If so, it might be little embarrassing to be present while the "joke" is being played.

If not, maybe a PEACE sign in one of your windows that's not too obvious or offensive.

[Fla Dem]

14. I would suggest you and your husband take a weekend trip, to the mountains, the beach

a national forest, a big city. Not knowing where you live I'm kind of throwing darts. But you get my drift. Don't aggravate yourself. Get away, enjoy whatever you do, and when you come back it'll be all over. As if it never happened.

You may think you'd get some satisfaction from pulling some childish prank but it's really not worth it. Later you'll probably regret it particularly if it results in a fight with your neighbor.

If you do get away for the weekend and you're cordial with your other neighbor, you may want to mention to them you're going away and give them your phone # just in case they need to get in touch with you.