The DU Lounge
Related: Culture Forums, Support ForumsToo many attractive white Americans get by with their attractiveness.
5 years ago I gifted my friend who was a school psychologist money so she could check out a job in Hawaii. She eventually moved to Hawaii and somehow she got fired. This is kind of a rant about her.
She bought a very cool Obama doll for me and we eventually both left that small conservative town in New Mexico. She's now batsh--t crazy and only trusts alternative news. I'm sure she's lost her mind. WE campaigned for Obama in that town. Now she thinks Jill Biden was Joe's babysitter and all that crap. I just started corresponding to her but and could point out web sites like FactCheck.org or AP fact check to get the right answers. according to some of the exit polls 55% of white women voted for Trump in the last election. I have no one to date because I'm afraid I'll run into another B--t shit crazy women who is attractive on the outside but uninformed and ignorant on the inside. When I'm gone people will wonder why he didn't marry. It's probably because all the attractive women that I think would be compatible tend to be stupid and clueless.... But they think they are OK.
I'm white but I can honestly say fuck white privledge.
Flash953
(85 posts)Hoping I find someone who likes me and my values.
Enter stage left
(3,400 posts)remember, beauty is only skin deep!
yonder
(9,682 posts)Enter stage left
(3,400 posts)but I'll fight too the death to keep her.
PS... I'm not quite as attractive either.
But we slept in a Motel 6 last night, and we both have a great sense of humor.
yonder
(9,682 posts)In 3 weeks, it'll be 37 years for us
Enter stage left
(3,400 posts)brewens
(13,631 posts)but I have no idea what her politics if any are. I sure hope she's not a FG follower. That's a deal breaker.
AgentStepford
(19 posts)Women can skate by if they are attractive. Lollygag, babble, what have you. Guys will indulge the bad case of Prettitus. But the problem may be more than skin deep, perhaps, if she was spoiled in that way from childhood.
Perhaps while courting/schmoozing her, ask if she has always been a looker. Maybe a bad habit is a new one, one she can move past.
Is that terrible?
Enter stage left
(3,400 posts)whathehell
(29,096 posts)Studies confirm it, and contrary to the OP's "fears", attractiveness does not correlate to character or intelligence in either gender.
leftieNanner
(15,179 posts)Kevin McCarthy.
Dumb as a rock and way less useful. But he's a tall, handsome country boy and his California valley district continues to elect him.
whathehell
(29,096 posts)Barack Obama..
Tall and handsome with a first class mind and a kind and caring character.
Marcuse
(7,530 posts)brush
(53,924 posts)Last edited Sat Aug 7, 2021, 02:37 AM - Edit history (1)
but it's a factor in getting elected. Attractiveness in women pols also helps.
mitch96
(13,929 posts)He is in his '60s now and always has women falling all over him.. till they get to know him. Super jock, outspoken and condescending to most women.. accept mom.. Can't keep a relationship together. It's like a high performance euro sports car.. Looks good but does not last😉 ymmv
m
whathehell
(29,096 posts)That said, I've known average and even homely men who were big jerks too.
DFW
(54,448 posts)Through high school(s) and college, the pretty girls avoided nerds like me as if we were both radioactive and known spreaders of the bubonic plague.
I figured it was my lifelong fate to admire them from afar, but I found there were other cultures out there where if you were an interesting nerd with a sense of humor, it didnt matter that I wasnt rich, a male model, or the varsity football star (Was ist ein Varsity?). So, in a dark, smoky cabaret in Berlin in July, 1974, I met a 22 year old womanI was also 22from the flat farmland of northwestern Germany. She was fun, intelligent, and somewhat intrigued by the first American she had met who spoke German. To her, at the time, America was as far away as Pluto, and she never thought shed ever see it. For that matter, she thought that shed never see me again after that summer. Now, 47 years later, I still think shes beautiful, anyway (opinions may vary), and were grandparents three times over.
I should repeat that she does not meet one of the attributes mentioned in the OP. While she is attractive (in my eyes, anyway) and white (comes from a 550 year old family in Germany, so DUH), she is not American. But there is a big world out there. Some meet their ideal partner less than a mile from where they grew up. I had to cross an ocean to meet mine. But there's no reason why it CAN'T happen. So you're not Ben Affleck or Sidney Poitier? Hell, neither am I. It's not always a deciding factor.
December, 1974, in Germany:
[IMG]
May, 2021 in Dallas (photo by DUer 7wo 7rees):
whathehell
(29,096 posts)The only issue I'd have is the implication that a nerdy, non-rich man (or woman) needs to leave the country to find a mate with similar values..I mean, are you kidding?..If not, I'd suggest you look around the next time you're in the States -- You'll see happy, average-looking, average earning couples all over.
DFW
(54,448 posts)I also said some find happiness practically next door. I only implied that one need not LIMIT ones self in the search for the right partner.
whathehell
(29,096 posts)that "in other cultures" one might find a woman interested in a nerdy, guy with a good sense of humor. No, that's not a misinterpretation.
padfun
(1,789 posts)I did. 34 years ago. And I have no regrets.
viva la
(3,344 posts)How to you she's beautiful? LOL. It's funny how I immediately and defensively wanted to hear that!
As an average gal myself.
whathehell
(29,096 posts)have an advantage in life. Numerous studies have confirmed that
fact...It's one of those unfortunate "Life Isn't Fair" things, so lest you be labeled a "whiney white guy", you might just want to get over it.
Midnight Writer
(21,819 posts)to give me stuff.
I've coasted through life just accepting whatever tribute people are willing to pay to be near me.
It's great. I wish everyone could be as good looking as me.
whathehell
(29,096 posts)same holds true for me...duh.
Deuxcents
(16,370 posts)Both had something up their ass. Their heads. When I dated men who not so great looking, they made up with manners, conversation , kinder. I like to see a good looking man.. I first check the view. Not wanting a serious relationship but still fun to look. Wish I had learned these lessons when I was young 🙋♀️
whathehell
(29,096 posts)but I've also dated very attractive men AND average looking men and found no differences in personality traits.
brush
(53,924 posts)breast men, it just how it is. What first draws their attention. After that it's about compatibility and chemistry.
whathehell
(29,096 posts)brush
(53,924 posts)Is it hair, height, face? What?
elias7
(4,029 posts)You just stated how it is that some are face men, some are leg men, some are breast men, then turn around and ask someone who states that women feel the same, what women look for - hair, face, height, or what? As if woman unlike men are looking for one thing.
I think the answer is hair if she is a hair woman, face if she is a face woman, and height if she is a height woman. Theres also probably butt women, chest women, cock women (both big and small), and probably a dozen more objectifiers we could fetishize.
Then, of course, there are the non-physical attributes that women might be looking for that make someone attractive. But if youre looking for a hard and fast rule of what women think are attractive, just consider your own statement which implies that men subsegment into many different preferences without there being any hard and fast rule.
brush
(53,924 posts)If they think the same way as men about the other sex. Often one sees gorgeous women with just average looking, even unattractive men and you wonder what's the attraction.
viva la
(3,344 posts)Many women find attractive in a man. Sam Elliott, say. Trying to think of a younger craggy example... ruggedly handsome. Maybe you have to be older to be craggy?
I don't think there's an equivalent term that men would use to describe a woman attractiveness.
brush
(53,924 posts)viva la
(3,344 posts)That's for sure.
DFW
(54,448 posts)I got lucky and didn't once think to press my luck.
whathehell
(29,096 posts)that asked women what they looked at first in men..They then
asked men what they ThOUGHT women looked at first. The men generally assumed women first checked out their shoulders.
Turns out the male body part women checked out first was their ass.
Beyond that, height, hair and a decent bod seem to play well
brush
(53,924 posts)Both sexes have that in common then.
whathehell
(29,096 posts)I found it a bit surprising myself.
mopinko
(70,268 posts)i'm a sucker for a guy w a pony tail. i like a nice bald head, too, tho.
i like beards, but mostly i dont like stubble, so...
i cant take or leave a hairy chest, but for my kid sister, it's mandatory.
Wolf Frankula
(3,602 posts)People of all races and ethnicity think their looks make them better. I knew a very good looking Menominee man who thought everybody should bow down to him because of his looks.
Wolf
whathehell
(29,096 posts)Though I don't agree that all, or even most attractive people think they're "better" than other people...It's not my experience.
Wolf Frankula
(3,602 posts)and listen to what they say.
Wolf
viva la
(3,344 posts)Jon Hamm would go around being beautiful and getting off traffic tickets and such. Liz eventually had to break up with him though the character was quite sweet. He was just blind to his privilege and assumed it was all coming to him because he was deserving.
It was also showing how insecure Liz was about her own completely acceptable looks.
Random Boomer
(4,170 posts)In my experience, many attractive men and women don't even realize that they live in a different world than everyone else. They are oblivious to they ways in which they receive preferential treatment -- it's just the air they breathe.
I can remember the time I mentioned just in passing to a friend of mine -- gorgeous, blonde, British accent -- that of course some things were going to be easier for her. It never occurred to me that she was unaware of what seemed to me to be an obvious fact of life. I wasn't ugly, more just ordinary/plain, but the very suggestion that our experiences were different because of our looks made her bristle and protest. I dropped the subject because it wasn't my intention to start a fight, it wasn't something she could control after all, but I was somewhat amused to learn that she didn't have a clue.
cinematicdiversions
(1,969 posts)There are a lot of different privileges. We only focus on a few in the political arena. Likely to our detriment.