Does anyone every go through a really bad patch?

[smirkymonkey]

Like where you feel that the whole world has turned on you, even though you know you haven't really done anything wrong?

Doctors bag on you, friends bail on you and don't call/write you back, family is inattentive and distant, work people seem a little iffy. Basically, it just seems like your whole world is just telling you that it doesn't want you and that you are worthless.

I have been here before and will probably be here again. I know it's just a thing, but it really feels bad when you are going through it. Kind of makes me feel like I don't want to be here anymore. Like you don't matter and nobody would care if you fell off the face of the earth. I will probably feel better in a week or two, but it kind of sux right now.

I don't mean to sound whiny or filled with self-pity (and yes, I am fully aware that I do) but I know this is a tough time of year for a lot of people so I am just trying to reach out to others who may possibly be feeling the same way. Maybe we can commiserate and cheer each other up.

Anyway, here's to the holiday season and may you and your family be blessed for another year!

?size=338&ext=jpg

[Ocelot II]

1. Yes, I think so.

Sooner or later life kicks everybody's ass in some way. I went through a bad patch years ago when within just a few months my long-time boyfriend dumped me, my career went into the shitter, I was broke, and I felt like my life totally sucked. It did get better eventually, though. It always does. So hang in there, the suck doesn't last forever.

[smirkymonkey]

19. Thank you, Ocelot II.

I think I have been through the ringer enough to know that it always does get better, but somehow when you are in it, it's a little hard to see the way out.

I guess I just wanted to hear about the experiences of others who go through this from time to time. I am sorry for your rough times and I hope you don't go through it again. The one bright spot, I think, is that we always grow and get stronger from getting through it.

[secondwind]

2. We all go through these "patches", it's normal human nature. I get these, also....

I find sometimes that reading a good book (am reading Betrayal now, and it is excellent), or watching a movie, whether comedy, or
musical, or whatever, helps to distract me from myself........... it's better than wallowing, if you know what I mean.

I hope you jump back to your old self real quick, don't take anything very seriously, there is nothing cannot be overcome..

Sometimes a good night's sleep will do the trick.

Have a good evening, and hope tomorrow is better and brighter...

[smirkymonkey]

20. Thanks, second wind!

I think a funny movie and a good night's sleep will do me a world of good. It's been a rough week on top of a rough few months. Facing down terminal illness in the family and other issues. Just kind of throws you for a loop. I appreciate your kind words.

[zanana1]

45. This is something that a wise person told me long ago

"Feelings are not facts". Sometimes that helps me.

[femmedem]

3. I think more people than usual are feeling this way now. It's a triple whammy:

A lot of people are feeling more isolated and lonely because of the pandemic, and then the holidays are when we think we are supposed to be extra happy and chummy with people. And in many parts of the country, the gorgeous, colorful, still-fairly-warm part of autumn is fading and it's just feeling cold and dark.

I suspect that the people who didn't reach out or bailed on plans are just busy, or maybe they are depressed themselves. I'm sure that none of them thought they would be part of a group of people who all did the same thing at the same time. Normally when one person has to cancel plans, it's no big deal, so they likely have no idea how it affected you.

I hope your DU community helps. I'm glad you told us.

I'll admit I'm worried about the passing thoughts you are having about no one caring if you are here and that you kind of don't want to be here. Rationally, you know those thoughts will pass, but those thoughts sound deeper than just a bad mood. I wonder if you might benefit from an antidepressant if you haven't already tried one. Maybe I am just being an alarmist because I lost someone I loved to suicide a long time ago.

DU hugs for you. I hope this passes soon.

[smirkymonkey]

21. Thank you, femmedem!

I think you are right. It is a combination of so many things. We feel like we should be so - the way you say - happy and chummy with people and when we aren't it just makes us feel like we are a failure.

I kind of know that the reason people aren't showing up for me has a lot more to do with what is going on in their lives than it has to do with me, but still, these things all seem to happen all at once.

DU really helps a lot and I feel so fortunate that I have all of you here. I have been here for about 20 years and this place has saved my soul more than once.

I am currently on antidepressants (Cymbalta) and I have stepped up my meetings w/ my therapist and my psychopharmachologist (did I spell that right?) Anyway, I am doing all the right things to take care of my mental health and i greatly appreciate your concern. Again, thank you for your kindness.

I will make it through the weekend. It helps to reach out. I have learned that, no matter how embarrassing or humiliating it is. It can be life saving. Thanks again!

[femmedem]

47. You're welcome! And reading your replies, I see what a beautiful person you are.

You've got such emotional maturity--no doubt the result of sustained work. It isn't easy for anyone to see things from other peoples' perspectives, focus on things to be grateful for or reach out when we are feeling as if no one cares.

Also, yes, I've also gone through rough patches. It's been a long time, decades ago, but I was depressed as a teen and then things got worse when I was kidnapped and raped, and of course when my fiance died. I had screaming-face-down-into-the-snow pain, I didn't eat for a month, I walked along bridges and hoped the wind would take me. But that's all a distant memory now; my life is so much better than I ever could have envisioned then. I wish I could relay how I got through it, but the best I have is that when I didn't know how I would endure the next moment, I would remind myself that it wouldn't be any worse than the moment I'd just gotten through.

I hope everyone's responses have helped and that today is a little brighter.

[AnotherDreamWeaver]

4. Sending good vibes, and best wishes... NT

[smirkymonkey]

22. Thank you, Dream Weaver!

I appreciate your kind wishes!

[brewens]

5. For some time I promised myself if it happened again, I would ask to see a therapist. I did,

and so far I like it. It's only been three appointments, so I can't say a whole lot, but she's nice lady and I'm looking forward to seeing her again. It's sure not hurting anything.

[smirkymonkey]

24. Good to hear, brewens!

I have also stepped up my therapy and psych/pharma visits and it has helped. It always helps to have psych professionals in your corner!

[gay texan]

6. Of course

The only think I can tell you is try to find joy in the little things. One foot in front of the other

[smirkymonkey]

25. Thanks, gay texan!

Sometimes it's just the little things that keep you going. I appreciate your kindness!

[LakeArenal]

49. I love you Smirk. Bunch of us do. We think you are funny and smart and good looking.

Keep that good heart strong and stick with us. DU can work marvels on encouraging us to move it.

PS. Don’t forget. Goodlooking. 😁😉

[Haggard Celine]

7. I hope things turn around for you soon.

A lot of people have this problem around this time of year. I don't know if it's because of the gloomier weather or if it's due to stress around the holidays. Probably a combination. Anyway, the mental health professionals call it Seasonal Affective Disorder. That could be a big part of your problem. I don't know if you want to get checked out by psychologists right now, but it's something to think about. They might be able to help. If they can't help, at least it wouldn't hurt anything.

Sometimes our perceptions are way off when dealing with people. Sometimes a person will say something to me that hurts my feelings and I have to think about all of the ways that person could have meant what they said. If you're already down or depressed, it's easier to take offense, just like when you're in a good mood, you tend to let things go and give the other person the benefit of the doubt.

It's normal to go through times like this when the world seems to be against you. I don't know if we get depressed and then take the actions of other people in negative ways or if we have negative experiences that accumulate and cause us to be depressed. All I know is that it sucks, but don't let yourself feel that way for too long without talking to a friend, family member, or a professional about it. Or maybe you want to talk to all of the above and get a variety of opinions. I hope things turn around for you soon.

[smirkymonkey]

29. Thank you, Celine!

I think it probably doesn't help that I am a hyper-sensitive, INFP, introverted type. These things always seem to hit us harder. Fortunately, I have a pretty good self-preservation drive and have stepped up my therapy and psych/pharm appointments so I am being well taken care of in the medical department. I knew I was in trouble and needed extra help, but thank you, for your kind concern.

I also appreciate your outlook on our skewed perceptions in the way we interpret the way others react to us. Often it is so innocuous, but it can just be a collection of mis-interpretations and negative readings and that's all it takes for us to go south. It always seems like these things happen all at once. I see a cognitive therapist, so I try not to take my negative interpretations and run with them.

Again, thank you for your kind words. You and others at DU have helped improved my mood immensely and I am feeling much more grateful to know that there are such good, kind people out there in the world.

[Bayard]

8. Absolutely

PM'ing you.

[smirkymonkey]

30. Thank you!

I PM'd you back, I think. Did it work?

[Heartstrings]

9. Definitely!

Here’s a and some positive vibes sent….

[smirkymonkey]

31. Thank you, heartstrings!

Very kind of you!

[peacefreak2.0]

10. Oh, yes.

But I remind myself that life is cyclical and things will change. I think a lot of us are worn down by the crushing reality of trying to survive in an increasingly crazy world. So I light the candles, put music on, fill my wine glass and bowl and try to be kind to myself.

[smirkymonkey]

32. Thank you, peacefreak!

You have the right idea! It is a Friday night, and I can sleep in tomorrow. I think I just need some serious sleep this weekend!

[Solly Mack]

11. You matter to me.

And, yes, people all go through times like that, I think.

Maybe the lucky few don't have those feelings from time to time.

[smirkymonkey]

33. Thank you, Solly Mack!

You are so kind and such a dear!

I am thinking of things that I am grateful for and I am grateful for your kindness and for the kindness of others here at DU.

[BlancheSplanchnik]

12. I've been through many a rough patch. Some went on a long time.

Things are better than those days (thank you modern medicine, I have the right meds).

Still, the holiday season (and birthday, for me ) is rough when you’re single with no family. It gets tiresome, to put it delicately. Thank you for reaching out!! I’m grateful for my friends but it’s easy to feel real invisible, this time of year.

[smirkymonkey]

34. Thank you, Blanche!

You still have us and always will! We will always be your family!

Thank you so much for your kindness!

[BlancheSplanchnik]

67. Hugs!!!! 🤗

[Mr.Bill]

13. I've been alone on holidays before.

I'm pretty comfortable being alone anytime, so it's not too bad, really. I also remember the holidays with lots of relatives that weren't exactly a day at the beach either. Because of the pandemic, these are the holidays and milestones we've had to enjoy just as a couple. Our daughter's 50th birthday, my wife's 70th birthday, the birth of a new great-grandchild, my 50th high school reunion, which didn't even happen, along with the usual christmases, thanksgivings, etc. But it's actually been very calming and peaceful. Sort of the opposite of something that can be rather hectic.

[smirkymonkey]

35. Thank you Mr. Bill!

I will be w/ family this year, after being completely alone last year due to Covid, but we have a family member who is going through a serious cancer diagnosis, so it is a little upsetting. Hopefully this will not be the last holiday together. Thank you again for your kindness!

[bluecollar2]

36. Yes.

I've been going through those feelings for most of my life, most recently since my mother's passing none months ago.

But recently things seem to be changing. Thanks to some caring people I've made progress.

PM me if you want more details.

[BubbaJoe]

14. I haven't had a bad patch for 27 years

Not to belittle what you are going through. 27 years ago I put the plug in the jug. I was either going to get sober or go live under a bridge and die an alcoholic. Compared to that my ups and down in life seem not so important. I stayed sober through pets dying, father dying, wife health issues, I have gone through layoffs but I am still standing. You will too. These things are transient. I have the same job now for 11 years through 4 companies, each acquisition was nerve racking not knowing if I would continue to be employed (my main concern was continuing health insurance for my wife's chronic conditions). Next year we celebrate our 35th wedding anniversary (why she stayed with me during the drunk years I am not sure).

Try to keep a positive outlook. Sometimes playing games where I can blow stuff up and shoot monsters (Doom, Diablo3) helps vent my frustrations. It'll get better.

[smirkymonkey]

37. Good for you!

I am happy to hear that. That is a great accomplishment! Especially considering all you have been through. I'm really happy for you. I am trying to be positive, especially after all the kind responses I have received here. What a great, kind group of people. I am so grateful for all of you!

[Generic Brad]

15. Yep. I was there this time four years ago

And then I unexpectedly found a new job, home and friends in Tennessee. Never in a million years would I have thought I would find financial stability and professional satisfaction in this corner of the world. Overall, my life has never been better than it is now.

Bad patches are just that. Patches. I hope you soon find yourself in smoother waters very soon.

[smirkymonkey]

38. Thanks Brad!

Hopefully things will get better soon!

[mwooldri]

16. Firstly, virtual hugs to you.

Secondly yeah I find life throws us plenty of curve balls. Sons with congenital birth "defects" or mental health issues... Job changes beyond your control (my workplace closed physically in 2011 and most of us continued to work from home - a lot couldn't hack it, including me)... Housing issues (landlord going to sell the home, need you to move out).

Humour helps me. Monty Python works. Plus *that* song...

[smirkymonkey]

39. Thank you, mwooldri!

I love this movie! Maybe I'll watch it. It always cheers me up for some reason.

[MLAA]

17. These days with the state of country and pandemic restrictions / losses I think

Many or most of us are feeling some level of anxiety/malaise (not our DU Malaise!) these days. So that on top of any setbacks can be extra tough. I find relief reading pure mindless enjoyment books like spy thrillers or cozy mysteries and disconnecting from news for a while. I also get comfort from being outside walking or exercising.

Sending you hugs

[smirkymonkey]

40. Thanks, MLAA

I plan to get out tomorrow. It's supposed to be nice. I wasn't feeling that great today and I suppose the verdict didn't help.

[mountain grammy]

18. My heart goes out to you.

Been going through some rough stuff here too mainly worried sick about my daughter who I suspect is using again. I’m scared to death we’ll lose her.
Life sucks sometimes. Hold on.

[smirkymonkey]

41. I'm so sorry to hear that grammy. My heart goes out to you and your daughter.

It is such a tough thing to deal with. I am sending healing thoughts to both of you. I wish you all the best.

[mountain grammy]

48. Thank you smirkymonkey..

It's a rough time for so many but I always have hope for the new year. May it bring peace of mind to all of us. All the best to you...

[Aristus]

23. It's just life.

Everyone feels that way…

[Enoki33]

26. Was once told by a wise old man that you

have not fully lived until life kicks you in the butt, and you are forced to look deep and hard within. Love life, and every single thing it encompasses. Learn the true value of a pure heart and clean mind. You will be amazed at your untapped strength and clarity of vision. Never give up. Always remember the power of love. I have never found him to be wrong.

[smirkymonkey]

42. Thank you, Enoki.

I have definitely been kicked in the butt quite a bit. I'm trying here. I'll keep trying. Thank you for your kind words.

[llmart]

27. Oh dear smirkymonkey...

I always make it a point to read your posts because I always sensed a kindred spirit in what you write. You don't mince words, especially during those godawful last four years of hell with the orange hellbeast.

To answer your question, yes, I have definitely had those moments in life when I felt exactly as you are stating. I would say if anyone said they didn't they'd be either lying or inhuman. Life can really be tough sometimes. Like others have said, I do think this time of year can bring them on. The aging process can bring them on. This pandemic and the knowledge of how many truly awful fellow citizens we have in this country can bring them on. The expectations we're told to have that don't materialize add to it. Put them all together and it's a wonder any of us can hold it all together.

Thanksgiving 2009 I ended my 42-year marriage to someone who as he aged became someone I didn't recognize any longer and didn't like any longer let alone love. My children were grown and on their own, the end of a long-term marriage meant that some of my "friends" disappeared, some of my family members were unsupportive at a time when I needed them to be. In my sixties, I had to find a full time job with benefits, move away from my house and find a furnished place to rent leaving behind everything. He dragged me through the courts for three years with one phony charge after another. I will never forget feeling so alone in a city I had never even been to let alone know anyone in and Christmas coming. I was walking around the town square in the beautiful little town I was living in and they had piped in Christmas carols and all sorts of decorated trees. A lovely woman walked up to me and handed me a tiny gift from a basket she was carrying. It was a small bag with several Christmas candies in it. She said, "I am out cheering myself up today by doing random acts of kindness to complete strangers." I don't know what it was but I immediately decided that there were good people in this world and I would never forget that incident. Now, my husband and I had been financially comfortable during our marriage and I had nice houses and nice things, but the things never really mattered to me. When she handed me that small bag of candies I was more thrilled than when I got all the expensive gifts from an unloving spouse. I've often wished I could have found that person to tell her what that meant to me, but a person needs to have some distance from the event to realize how important it was at the time.

You, too will get through this. If you're a reader, you may want to read "When Things Fall Apart" by Pema Chodron. She is a Buddhist nun and that book helped me get through my bad times. I try not to live in my head too much. I listen to music, read, go for walks at the park, volunteer. You will get through this. Feel free to PM me if you'd like to "talk".

[smirkymonkey]

43. Thank you, llmart!

Your post was so kind and meant so much to me. I am so sorry for what you went through and I hope that you are doing much better these days.

I am a reader and I read almost all of Pema Chodron's books back when I was in graduate school in San Francisco (during one of my little "nervous breakdowns&quot . This isn't my first rodeo.

I have had rounds of depression before, but I managed to have a nice long run of about 18-20 years where I had not really hit a bad "patch", so I kind of thought I was over it. I am sure this will pass as well, and it is so nice to hear the kind words of others and perhaps I should give that book another look. I have moved many times since then (NYC and Boston) and must have lent it to someone as I no longer have it.

I love your story about the candles. It's so beautiful! Thank you so much for telling it. It really cheered me up.

[we can do it]

28. I think it happens to us all, unfortunately, if that helps.

[UTUSN]

44. Beautifully, eloquently expressed. As others said, we all do. Here's an excerpt

from a prominent author, and you have matched that level of insight and writing.

*******QUOTE********* 

The Pillars of Hercules: A Grand Tour of the Mediterranean

By Paul THEROUX, G.P.Putnam’s Sons, Copyright 1995 by Cape Cod Scriveners Company 
“The 7:20 Express to Latakia” pp 430-431
    
p. 429  Nothing held me in Tartus.   Wishing to see the great Crusader castle known variously as the Krac de Chevaliers and Qal’at al-Hisn, I made a deal with a taxi driver named Abdallah, who said he would take me there and then on to Homs, where I could get a bus or a train to Damascus.    “Lebanon!” he cried out after twenty minutes or so, gesturing towards the dark hills to the south.  ….   

p. 430  Just before the darkness fell the engine faltered and Abdallah cursed, and the car replied, coughing one-syllable complaints, and then we were stuck.    “Okay, okay,” Abdallah said.  To prove he was confident he took my picture and he screamed into the wind.    His high spirits unconvincing.  It was an electrical fault, he said.  He waved to a passing car and said he would be right back.  Then he was sped into the failing light, and dusk fell.  I sat in the car, tuning my shortwave radio -- news of the Israelis shelling southern Lebanon and blockading the fishing ports.  Every so often a large truck went by, and the thud of its slipstream hit Abdallah’s car and shook it, and me.    Cold and unsettled at the edge of this desert, feeling thwarted, this enforced isolation filled my mind with memories of injustice -- put-downs, misunderstandings, unresolved disputes, abusive remarks, rudeness, arguments I had lost, humiliations.  Some of these instances went back many years.  For a reason I could not explain, I thought of everything that had ever gone wrong in my life.  I kept telling myself, “So what?” and “Never mind,” but it was no good.  I could not stop the flow of unpleasant instances, and I was tormented.    From time to time, I laughed to think I was so removed mentally from Syria, but then I concluded that being in the middle of this desert had something to do with it.  It was pitch dark and silent except for when the occasional trucks thundered by.  I supposed that I was fearful and disgusted; I disliked the desert, I had been abandoned by Abdallah in this howling wilderness, where there was darkness and no water.    A pair of oncoming headlights wobbled off the road.  Abdallah got out and approached the car laughing, carrying a gas can. Saying it was an electrical fault had been a face-saver.    It was late.  Returning the gas can to the town of Deir Atiyeh, he stopped the car and I told him I was bailing out.  There ensued a great whining argument, as he pleaded, berated, complained and demanded more money than what we had agreed on.  I bought you oranges! he howled.  I thought: I hate this nagging man.  Then I said: Do I care?  I gave him what he wanted and swore at him, and afterwards realized that the whole incident irritated me because I had been planning to tip him the very amount he had demanded. 

*********UNQUOTE**********

[panader0]

58. nice

[Vinca]

46. Well just stick around here until you feel better. We'll take care of you.

[smirkymonkey]

62. Thank you, Vinca!

You already have!

[Phentex]

50. Yes and I'm an extrovert!

and I have had the spells same as you where it seems nobody gives you a second thought. And I live with people!

I think I spend more time online when this happens.

[Scrivener7]

51. I am going through a bad patch of a different sort. Multiple

Last edited Sun Nov 21, 2021, 08:57 AM - Edit history (1)

deaths and major injuries and illnesses of loved ones all hitting at once.

I am choosing to concentrate on the idea that life goes in cycles. You and I are buying good karma right now.

Hang in there, dear. Change will come.

[Grasswire2]

53. Are you well? I hope so.

Be good to yourself.

Now that you mention it, I am seeing the same thing. Bro-in-law died this month after a fall that broke his back; surgery was not possible. Good friend a continent away tested positive this week for Covid despite being triple vaccinated and careful. My oven has not been working for a year since it shorted out last Thanksgiving Day and I haven't wanted the butt-crack beefy repairman to come because I can't be assured that he's vaccinated. (First world problem)

One day at a time.

[Scrivener7]

57. I am. In a way it's a blessing that one of the injured ones will keep

me busy for the next 2 or 3 months at least. And I know this is how my life goes: heartache and hardship come in bunches that punctuate an otherwise happy life. So we just have to wade through this to the other side.

But thank you so much for asking!

How about you? I hope your friend's case turns out to be mild. And I'm so sorry about your brother in law. This seems to be a theme with the calamities I am experiencing and hearing about these days: they are totally out of the blue and nothing can be done to prevent them and they are a terrible shock. I wish you and your family peace and strength.

About the oven - I just had a new microwave installed by Best Buy guys. I grilled the salesperson about masking and distancing of their installers. He promised me that the vast majority were vaxxed and more frightened of the virus than I was bc they were in contact with the public. The guys who came were great. They even requested at the door that I keep MY mask on! We got along well.

Good luck to you, my dear. We just have to make it through the tunnel we are all in these days. And we will.

[smirkymonkey]

63. I am so sorry to hear that Scrivener.

Why do these things always seem to happen in clusters? It's almost like the universe or god or whatever just piles it all on at once in order to overwhelm us and numb us out so that we can't really quite process it all and we just plow through it.

We have had more family bad news since I started this and I will not be going home now for T-giving. I will however be going to my sister's home in Maine, so that will be nice, but the reason is a bit upsetting. Mom is getting sicker and can't be around people right now or for a while. Anyway, trying to look on the bright side and keep a positive attitude.

Thank you so much for your kind wishes! My best to you and your loved ones.

[Scrivener7]

64. Oh, no! Just what you needed! I don't know why these clusters happen, but they

seem to for everyone!

I'm so sorry about your mother. Glad you will be seeing your sister. Can you facetime or zoom with your mother? We're trying for a combination in-person and zoom Thanksgiving party. Which we need, because I am cooking and my hospitalized sister always makes the gravy! She said she'll talk me through it. Then I'll bring her a plate on Friday.

Take my hand, smirkeymonkey. We'll get through these times together!

Best to you. Best to your mom. Enjoy your visit to your sister.

[Grasswire2]

52. Just wondering if you have a pet to keep you company?

My latest cat, who was eight years old when I got her from a shelter six years ago, has been so very companionable and loving that I highly recommend taking that path if you can have a pet.

It's especially comforting at night when she snuggles close to my back, without fail. I don't live alone; my adult disabled child lives with me. But I often feel alone, aside from social media, at night. I live in a place where I only see birds, squirrels, and boats from the windows. Heavenly view, but isolated. Pandemic has increased the isolation for me, too.

And so Kitty is a sanity saver. Dear thing.

[ailsagirl]

54. You did not address this response to me, Grasswire2...

but I absolutely agree with everything you wrote.

Hugs to you, smirkymonkey!!

[smirkymonkey]

61. Thank you, ailsagirl!

Hugs back!

[Skittles]

55. people who adopt senior pets rock!

I intend to adopt a senior dog when I retire.

[smirkymonkey]

60. No, I don't, but i would love a doggie.

I am going to Maine to my sister's house for T-giving (we were going to go to my parent's house by my mom is now too sick to have visitors - too risky) and i can't wait to see my favorite pupper. I love doggies so much but can't have one in my building. They immediately make me happy and calm me right down.

[Grasswire2]

65. some animal shelters do use volunteers.

I love dogs too, but I am especially drawn to border collies, having taken my son's rescue BC when his children came along. (BC want to herd toddlers) Duffy passed in 2015, and then we got Kitty. The nice thing about Kitty is that she doesn't need grooming or walking. Haha. They told us at the shelter that her name was TINKERBELL (It was in December) but she said NO to that. And so it is just Kitty.

I wish DU made it easier to post photos. A thread full of pet pictures would be very cheery.

[mnhtnbb]

56. Yes

The last 33 years of my life have been a series of bad patches where events would occur that would make me wonder why bother? It started with burying our stillborn daughter in 1989 and went on to include having our house burn down and eventually walking away from a 32 year marriage in 2017.

I have two adult sons. Many days I wonder why I'm still here. When I still had my rescue dog, Snowy, she gave me purpose. My life was organized around her schedule. I miss her more than I miss my husband, who blew his brains out on Dec 13, 2018, the day after his 76th birthday. His first attempt at suicide was on my birthday earlier that year. Malignant revenge, anyone?

I keep trying, though. I bring myself back by trying to focus on others. Finding some way to give myself some enjoyment from life through being outside, observing nature, reading, or listening to music. And I keep telling myself to look for ways to be kind to others.

This time of year is hard. Today I'm going to put lights up outside, first time in years I've had outside lights at Christmas other than a string on the balcony railing of the high rise apartment where I lived before buying this house last year. First Christmas in this house. I've bought some new decorations for it, since I gave up almost everything when we sold our house and separated.

Thursday I will host my two sons and their partners for Thanksgiving. First time we've all had Thanksgiving together since 2016.

Life cycles. We all struggle with something. Be kind to yourself, smirkymonkey. You have friends here at DU and we care about you.

[smirkymonkey]

66. Thank you so much for your kindness mnhtnbb!

It is truly appreciated. I can't tell you how much it means to me. I am wishing you and your family a very happy Thanksgiving holiday!

We were all going to go home to my parents, but my mom is going through chemo and has taken a turn for the for the worse so that is called off now and I will just be going to Maine to my sister's house which should be nice.

[panader0]

59. I went through the worst depression I've ever had a couple years ago.

I'm normally a happy, buoyant guy--a few beers and a doobie solves it all type. But this weird
specter came, I think because of the realization that my life, at 71, was not too far from being over.
Most of my old friends, co-workers and family had died and were calling me.
The birth of my granddaughter and the kindness of a few remaining friends brought me out of it.
It was a sadness I could not control--one that felt like an elephant had stepped on my chest and
forced all the air out of me and brought tears to my eyes at the same time. It came and went
many times a day.
But gradually it went away--I'd say it lasted about a year. I'm still old, my friends are still dead
but it doesn't affect me like it used to. Staying busy and playing music (and the doobies) help.
I believe that everyone you see everyday has this same thing in their life.

[AngryOldDem]

68. Thank you for this.

This time of year gets harder for me each year, without fail.

That plus just feeling stuck and having a lot of life regrets.

[Marthe48]

69. Yes

I used to tell myself that I could do it, because I have to.
Now, I tell myself and others that we're getting the bad luck out of the way.
And I'm old enough to please myself and things go.
I realized awhile back that even behind the clouds, the sun is still shining.

Wait 24 hours. Be nice to yourself. A shower, a meal, a walk, maybe you and your inner child can do something that lifts you until you are out of the low point. Let us know how you do.

[ShazamIam]

70. As a commiserate who has suffered some dreadful bouts of depression, I get it but did you realize

your greeting is appearing to me as brittle with a dark edge. At first glance it looks happy, but . . segues rather quickly to brittle, satire. This is not meant as a criticism. Being someone who suffers through each November and December I like it.

[Thtwudbeme]

71. Yes! Everyone does

And, I think the orange asshole and Covid made things worse for everyone.