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Sun Jan 16, 2022, 07:39 PM

I am overwhelmed by all the messages of condolence you posted on the death of my brother

Thank you from the bottom of my heart!

I couldn't ask for a kinder, more caring group of people than you on Democratic Underground. I am grateful beyond words.

Your support means so much to me, as it has to countless others among us. It is particularly generous at a time in our lives when suspicion and hate appear to reign in social media. You are the antidote to their poison.

You loving words - so many! - warmed my heart. My younger brother wasn't important or accomplished - except for knowing an unbelievable number of hilarious jokes. He never went to college. He earned very little in recent years, and often asked me for handouts. He had HIV, though it was controlled with medication. He managed to kick crack addiction (which is amazing), but smoked a lot of weed as well as tobacco.

A lot of his problems go back to the dysfunctional family we grew up in. We were beaten with leather belts, and in my brothers case, with metal coat hangers. I began planning my escape when I was 13, and when I left for college at 17, I never moved back. I went to therapist after therapist after therapist for most of my life, trying to get to "normal." But he remained at home longer, and had no interest in therapy. He masked his pain with weed.

He never married, never had children, which was probably for the best.

Some people would consider him a loser or a bum. But this huge, loud guy went to animal shelters on weekends, to brush and pet the cats there. He loved cats and usually had one or more living with him. He was so proud of himself last November when he got trained as a poll worker and worked a long day during the election. He was a strong Democrat.

He made and kept friends, good close friends, former neighbors from when we were kids, people from high school, people he worked with. I talked with one guy who had been friends with my brother for 47 years, and who had spoken with my brother three days before he died, and who wept when he heard the sad news.

He took German in high school, but taught himself much more in order to read the German motorcycle magazines he so enjoyed. He loved motorcycles, and usually had one that he was taking apart or putting back together. He wasn't into biker groups; he just loved to ride. All his friends admired his intelligence, including me. It was a shame he couldn't get himself together to go to college, but things at home were still bad when he was in high school, and I was no longer there as a buffer. He had so much potential, and I grieve for the waste of it.

But as I said at the beginning of my post, THANK YOU for helping get me through this sad weekend.

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Arrow 14 replies Author Time Post
Reply I am overwhelmed by all the messages of condolence you posted on the death of my brother (Original post)
Wicked Blue Jan 2022 OP
leighbythesea2 Jan 2022 #1
Skittles Jan 2022 #2
MLAA Jan 2022 #3
drray23 Jan 2022 #4
Tetrachloride Jan 2022 #5
3catwoman3 Jan 2022 #6
Fla Dem Jan 2022 #7
gay texan Jan 2022 #8
japple Jan 2022 #9
FuzzyRabbit Jan 2022 #10
Danmel Jan 2022 #11
Lonestarblue Jan 2022 #12
FailureToCommunicate Jan 2022 #13
SheltieLover Jan 2022 #14

Response to Wicked Blue (Original post)

Sun Jan 16, 2022, 07:44 PM

1. He

Sounded like a big hearted guy. Early trauma hangs around as we know. It sounds like he accomplished a lot of healing. Love that he tackled German!
So very sorry for your loss.

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Response to Wicked Blue (Original post)

Sun Jan 16, 2022, 07:44 PM

2. souds like he was far, far from a loser

to me a loser is someone who brings pain to the people in their lives.....your brother was a decent person, as his evidenced by your love for him and by the admiration of his many friends. And remember you always have friends here on DU

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Response to Wicked Blue (Original post)

Sun Jan 16, 2022, 07:46 PM

3. Hugs

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Response to Wicked Blue (Original post)

Sun Jan 16, 2022, 07:49 PM

4. Reading your eulogy

I can't help to think about your statement that he was not important or accomplished. Maybe that's how he saw himself.

He had friends who cared for him as well as you. He had empathy and cared for vulnerable animals. He was a strong Democrat meaning he also cared about other people's condition. This man accomplished more in life than many of the phonies we see on TV every day.

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Response to Wicked Blue (Original post)

Sun Jan 16, 2022, 07:57 PM

5. He accomplished 5 things that are new to me

Taught himself a difficult language.

Mechanical ability , bonus for being at it all the time.

Knew way way more jokes than me.

Trained as a poll worker.

and the main one, he reminds me of my friend Alan.
I will be looking forward to hearing a few jokes and stories one day.

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Response to Wicked Blue (Original post)

Sun Jan 16, 2022, 08:58 PM

6. A few thoughts from someone who has been where you are.

I didnít respond to your initial thread as I couldnít think of anything to say.

Next month, it will be 44 years since my younger brother died. He was only 23. A scuba diving adventure that ended badly. Just like you, he was my only sibling. My dad died in 2011, at age 90, and my mom in Dec 2020, at 98.

Something I learned from my mother several years after my brother died may be of help to you. She said she appreciated it when people talked about him because she knew that he was not forgotten. She knew that friends were often reluctant to speak of him, with rationale of not wanting to make her sad. She said she was already as sad as she could possibly be, and she would rather hear memories of him than avoid them.

People always want to know what they can do at times such as these, and, unfortunately, there really isnít much anyone can do except stand by you.

It sounds as if your brother had many loyal friends. If you feel able to do so, perhaps letting them know that you would like to hear their stories about your brother might be a small source of comfort to them as well as to you.

Please accept a cyber hug from a fellow bereaved sister - p

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Response to Wicked Blue (Original post)

Sun Jan 16, 2022, 09:05 PM

7. Your remembrances of your brother are a loving tribute to him.

He just sounds like he was a wonderful brother and friend. I know youíll miss him, but heíll always be in your heart.💕

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Response to Wicked Blue (Original post)

Sun Jan 16, 2022, 09:18 PM

8. Motorcycle guy?

i would have loved to have known him. From your description he seems he and i would have been good company

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Response to Wicked Blue (Original post)

Sun Jan 16, 2022, 09:21 PM

9. Your brother sounds like a real sweetheart. IMHO, anyone who loves cats, votes the Democratic ticket

and takes care of his friends is an angel. Thank you for sharing his life with us.

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Response to Wicked Blue (Original post)

Sun Jan 16, 2022, 09:40 PM

10. Your brother was a great guy.

Your brother and I have a lot in common. I wish I had known him.

It sounds from your description that he lived an eventful life. I know from experience that if he lived with cats, he experienced unconditional love.

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Response to Wicked Blue (Original post)

Sun Jan 16, 2022, 10:11 PM

11. I'm so sorry Wicked Blue

May sweet memories of your beloved brother bring you comfort and peace.

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Response to Wicked Blue (Original post)

Sun Jan 16, 2022, 10:20 PM

12. It sounds as though your brother rose to face his challenges.

I hope your good memories help ease the pain of his death. May he rest in peace.

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Response to Wicked Blue (Original post)

Sun Jan 16, 2022, 10:44 PM

13. There really are good people here at DU. Too bad that, at a time like this, for you, they...

are just..well, out somewhere in cyberland.

But words of sympathy do help. I lost my younger brother to cancer years ago, soon after joining DU, and my older brother this past

year (so no ability to travel and have closure). And people here were kind with their comments of empathy.

Your brother sounded like a good guy, and all the more so for all the family life struggles you both endured.

May you find some peace, and a sometimes a smile, when you think on him.

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Response to Wicked Blue (Original post)

Mon Jan 17, 2022, 04:54 AM

14. A powerful tribute to a great guy

It sounds as if he was well loved by you, friends, & kitties alike.

Your brother overcame some tough circumstances for sure, some of which you have shared.

I hope in time the pain will ease & you will smile when you think of him.

Please be gentle with yourself. Grieving is very hard work, physically as well as psychologically & emotionally.

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