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Related: Culture Forums, Support ForumsMrs. V.'s dad is moving to the nursing home today, and he doesn't know it
because he has advanced Alzheimer's.
Mrs. V. is heartbroken. She has never cried over her dad's condition, but she is crying now. She wishes desperately that she were in TN to take him to the home. Her mom will be alone for the first time in over 60 years.
Please keep Mrs. V. and Mamaw V. in your thoughts today. Thank you.
Dear god, I wish I knew of something to do for my beloved.
Liberal Veteran
(22,239 posts)It is a sad situation and often there are no good solutions.
I wish I had something I could say that would make things better.
All of you are in my thoughts.
Bertha Venation
(21,484 posts)Your thoughts are enough. Thank you.
hedgehog
(36,286 posts)Bertha Venation
(21,484 posts)thank you
Denninmi
(6,581 posts)I remember times in my life when I desperately wanted someone to just say to me "it will be ok". And I think it would have made a difference. Not in my life, not in my family, but that's my issue. If you can just give her that reassurance it will make a big difference. It doesn't make it a guarantee, mind you, that the outcome will be OK, but the reassurance helps.
Bertha Venation
(21,484 posts)And I know Mrs. V. appreciates it. I just wish I could do more.
GreenPartyVoter
(72,377 posts)Bertha Venation
(21,484 posts)turtlerescue1
(1,013 posts)There is no right way to endure this. This is not a wrong way either. Regrets only eat away at you.
I do remember thinking as I was crying and sobbing, "mom won't even know why its so upsetting". HUGS HUGS and MORE Hugs.
Bertha Venation
(21,484 posts)thank you
sinkingfeeling
(51,457 posts)just keeps hanging on in her assisted living room.
Bertha Venation
(21,484 posts)nothing I can say
elleng
(130,903 posts)but he will be getting appropriate attention, no longer reasons to worry about Mamaw V. caring for him herself, and she will be able to rest and relax, presumably with friends around.
Bertha Venation
(21,484 posts)Friends stop by everyday. It's really wonderful. And she has her home help people, 38 hours per week. And yes, dad will be properly cared for, and that is a huge relief.
thanks, elleng
Flaxbee
(13,661 posts)It is very hard not to be there during transitions - Mrs. V just needs some tenderness and understanding, which you doubtless provide to her. And Mamaw V is going to need a lot of attention at first - being alone like that, even if it is a relief, may be hard. Care packages, phone calls, etc. to you all. It is very hard to put a loved one into assisted living or nursing care, even if it's the best and safest thing for their health and well-being. Believe me, I have been through this before.
Bertha Venation
(21,484 posts)On her last hospitalization (she got home last Thursday), she finally, finally conceded that if dad weren't placed very very soon, she would die. Mrs. V. kicked things into high gear and it happened quickly. Mrs. V. and Mamaw talked on the phone last night; she is okay, and was looking forward to a night of uninterrupted sleep.
E.
Kali
(55,008 posts)Bertha Venation
(21,484 posts)hay rick
(7,611 posts)My wife took care of her aged uncle with Alzheimer's while he degenerated over a decade or more. She stopped working to take care of him for 6 years.
You can still help Mrs. V's father by being proactive. Visit him when you can and when you do, make sure that he is getting the care that he needs and is entitled to. The harsh truth is that nursing homes and assisted living facilities view patient care as an expense item and they will skimp when and where they can. Do not be tolerant- they will only take advantage.
Bertha Venation
(21,484 posts)We're in Maryland; the folks are in Tennessee. But your advice is well-taken; thank you.
NYC_SKP
(68,644 posts)Bertha Venation
(21,484 posts)Honeycombe8
(37,648 posts)The phone can really be a source of comfort.
Your dad is lucky he has people to make sure he's taken care of. And your mom is lucky that she has you. A lot of people have no one.
Still, it's a sad, sad day. I wish I could make it go away for you.