Bacon, eggs and toast walked into a bar

[Marthe48]

Bacon said, "I want a beer, my friends want white wine."

The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve breakfast."

[Duncanpup]

1. When you go on tour I want front row seats

My lifelong dream from 1976 I was 10 was to be on the Gong show.

[Marthe48]

2. Ladies and gents,

she'll be here all week. Be sure to tip your waiters!

[LudwigPastorius]

3. I guy walks in and sits at a bar.

Before he can order he hears a tiny voice exclaiming, "You're smart and funny and handsome and creative and successful in your career! In fact, you may be the greatest man who ever lived!"

The guy is shocked. He turns pale and thinks he's going insane as he nervously looks around for the source of the voice.

The bartender sees him freaking out and says, "Relax, man. That's just the complimentary nuts"

[a kennedy]

4. Now this is funny......

[Marthe48]

5. lol

Nice to start off the day with a laugh! Thanks!