The war on masturbation?

[autorank]

A war on Christmas was bad enough. Now it's a war on masturbation !!!

First, they came for the fetuses, and I did not speak out—because I was not a fetus.
Then they came for the zygotes, and I did not speak out—because I was not a zygote.
Then they came for the eggs, and I did not speak out—because I was not an egg.
Then they came for me, Mr. Sperm,—and there was no one left to speak for me.

When they define sperm as babies, and you know they will, every teenage male will be guilty of baby genocide!


This is the end, beautiful friend[
This is the end, my only friend

[dweller]

1. Shoutout to all the veterans

👍



✌🏻

[autorank]

3. Especially those involved in hand-to-hand combat n/t

[lastlib]

8. and their gunnery sergeants.........

- - - - - -

[MontanaMama]

4. Okay...I'm seriously laughing out loud.

[debm55]

23. Me too, Haahahahhaahaha

[EYESORE 9001]

9. Don't forget the oceangoing vets

All those seamen.

[dweller]

10. Ahoy Mate !

All hands on … deck !


✌🏻

[LudwigPastorius]

11. !

[Yavin4]

2. A "war on masturbation" you say?

From my cold dead hand!

[autorank]

5. LOL

[underpants]

15. 😆😆😆

[True Dough]

6. I'll join the war!

I'm going into battle armed with this:

[autorank]

7. oK, i get Your point. maybe they are people

Cute couple.

[Niagara]

18. Watch out for that bicep tendon!

You don't need another injury, True.

[True Dough]

19. Same arm too, Niagara

Never thought I'd learn to be ambidextrous! But that motivated me!

[Niagara]

20. Gotta do what ya gotta do.

Safety first!!

[markodochartaigh]

12. I'll believe that zygotes are people

when Texas executes one.

[autorank]

13. Conundrom

.. since the executioners would be guilty of murder.

But, it's all good since you can't execute a person under 17 in Texas.

[no_hypocrisy]

14. A line too far . . . . .

“Don't knock masturbation. It's sex with someone you love.”
― Woody Allen, Standup Comic

[underpants]

16. Shaking hands with the unemployed

I heard that once and thought it was hilarious

[debm55]

24. HAHAHAHAH. That is funny. Ty no_hypocrisy.

[underpants]

17. This thread needs a word from Fappy, The Anti-Masterbation Dolphin AVOID DOUBLE HELL

https://i.postimg.cc/2SsyPcWb/IMG-9509.webp

[Celerity]

34. your pic (you need to use .jpg instead of .webp at the end of the URL in order for DU to display it)

[Layzeebeaver]

21. Not sure.. I'm kind of going back and forth on this one...

[lastlib]

29. I son't know whether to vote up or down.......

[Midnight Writer]

22. I always shoot my seed into the sky so God can save the ones that are worthy.

[Xavier Breath]

25. I hope you're shouting "Thy will be done!" at the appropriate time.

[getagrip_already]

26. Or allahu akbar if you are so inclined..... nt

[cayugafalls]

27. And people thought Johnny Appleseed was about planting fruit trees...

[Aristus]

28. Funniest euphemism for masturbation ever:

Spanking his franklin.

[DBoon]

30. While I enjoy the humor in this thread

This was a real thing in the 19th century.

https://www.nzherald.co.nz/lifestyle/the-brutal-anti-masturbation-devices-of-the-victorian-era/BA3ABBTE2RP3LBY7BOEKHYKVMI/

[sop]

31. The bible says spilling of the seed is punishable by death.

[Xavier Breath]

32. That's why all those folks in the old testament used to keep a tube sock handy.

[Marthe48]

33. Another comedian said he had his first sexual experience at age 16

He was alone at the time >snicker<

[Upthevibe]

35. autorank....

I'm seriously hoping someone brings up the point Elle Woods is making in this clip from the movie Legally Blonde. Looking at this whole situation from a wing-nut perspective, it makes total sense. Jail them!!!!

[LastLiberal in PalmSprings]

36. As law student Elle Wood argued during her first class at Harvard School:

“For that matter, all masturbatory emissions, where his sperm was clearly not seeking an egg, could be termed reckless abandonment.” —Elle Woods

[limbicnuminousity]

37. I demand survivor's benefits for fallen soldiers.