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underpants

(195,059 posts)
Fri Oct 10, 2025, 07:10 PM Oct 2025

Well....my brother died today.

Quite a character. It was just Mom him and me when I was 4 and he was 6. Lots of adventures. We moved a lot so we are both quite minimalists. My mom was a librarian so we had very intense quiet communication. Full conversations by a couple looks.

All the people who met him remember him by first name and when they met him.

Up and down the East Coast. Hampton RFK Philly Charlotte Raleigh Roanoke. Deadhead. 250 shows at least. Trust me anyone who ever met Jake remembers meeting him.

Funny smart really smart (Tolkien chapter and verse) loved food worked in lots of restaurants. We used to work in a pizza place where he tossed dough and I ran the ovens and the cash register. I wasn’t aware that we were “the show”. Families sat in the booths up front to watch us go at it about music pop culture history sports etc.



Scarlet Begonias

?si=SnfRhD2az-pkr5J4
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Well....my brother died today. (Original Post) underpants Oct 2025 OP
Sad news, but great memorial song. marble falls Oct 2025 #1
Chinacat. underpants Oct 2025 #44
I am so sorry for your loss. BlueKota Oct 2025 #2
Deepest condolences on your loss. AltairIV Oct 2025 #3
I'm sorry to hear that. It's nice that you got along with him. mahatmakanejeeves Oct 2025 #4
I'm so sorry, underpants. LuckyCharms Oct 2025 #5
Oh, I hate this for you, for anyone. babylonsister Oct 2025 #6
Condolences to you UP. Irish_Dem Oct 2025 #7
He will live on in your memories. surfered Oct 2025 #8
Very sorry for the loss of your brother, underpants Grim Chieftain Oct 2025 #9
Such a loss for you. Hold on to those memories. democrank Oct 2025 #10
Thank you for sharing your/his story. yellow dahlia Oct 2025 #11
I am so sorry for your loss. sheshe2 Oct 2025 #12
My deepest condolences for your loss.🧡 58Sunliner Oct 2025 #13
So sorry bamagal62 Oct 2025 #14
Deepest Condolences, dear Underpants /nt dickthegrouch Oct 2025 #15
I'm so sorry for your loss. sinkingfeeling Oct 2025 #16
Thank you for celebrating his amazing life Underpants JMCKUSICK Oct 2025 #17
Deepest condolences SheltieLover Oct 2025 #18
Sorry to hear. 2naSalit Oct 2025 #19
I'm so sorry for your loss, underpants. MIButterfly Oct 2025 #20
I'm so sorry for your loss. mountain grammy Oct 2025 #21
Sorry for you loss and thanks for sharing those beautiful memories. n/t marked50 Oct 2025 #22
Your love for him shines through these memories, ancianita Oct 2025 #23
Ugh, sorry for your loss hibbing Oct 2025 #24
I am so sorry. murielm99 Oct 2025 #25
Sending heartfelt sympathy to you BumRushDaShow Oct 2025 #26
Next time I order a pie, True Dough Oct 2025 #27
Sorry to hear. Sailingdiver Oct 2025 #28
Sorry for your profound loss. FalloutShelter Oct 2025 #29
He sounds really amazing! herding cats Oct 2025 #30
Very sorry to hear this. Condolences on your loss nt spooky3 Oct 2025 #31
Sorry for your loss orangecrush Oct 2025 #32
Sincere condolences Picaro Oct 2025 #33
I'm so sorry underpants. Diamond_Dog Oct 2025 #34
As an only child, all my life, I have wished for a sibling. tavernier Oct 2025 #35
I'm so sorry for your loss. Hard to lose a sibling. n/t PatrickforB Oct 2025 #36
So sorry montanacowboy Oct 2025 #37
Oh, no!!!!! Sad for you..... Karadeniz Oct 2025 #38
I'm so sorry. Chemical Bill Oct 2025 #39
What a loss! Maybe we danced together. mahina Oct 2025 #40
❤️ 🎶 underpants Oct 2025 #43
I'm sorry for your loss Marthe48 Oct 2025 #41
Sweet memories Alice Kramden Oct 2025 #42
I am so sorry for your loss! CousinIT Oct 2025 #45
I'm very sorry for your loss. That was a very sweet remembrance. brer cat Oct 2025 #46
I hope those memories will continue to comfort you as you Ilsa Oct 2025 #47
So sorry for your loss. Sogo Oct 2025 #48
Oh underpants, I'm so sorry for your loss. greatauntoftriplets Oct 2025 #49
Condolences Duncanpup Oct 2025 #50
Condolences. paleotn Oct 2025 #51
I am sorry. Gore1FL Oct 2025 #52
Sorry for your loss. Nt BootinUp Oct 2025 #53
We're sorry Lemon Lyman Oct 2025 #54
I'm so sorry. Losing someone like your brother is such a blow. no_hypocrisy Oct 2025 #55
Oh, no! I'm so sorry for your loss. fierywoman Oct 2025 #56
so very sorry mokeyz Oct 2025 #57
To fond memories... they enrich us and keep us smiling through the hardship. Ellipsis Oct 2025 #58
So sorry you lost your brother Hey Joe Oct 2025 #59
So sorry for your loss UP AZJonnie Oct 2025 #60
My condolences on the loss of your brother. AllyCat Oct 2025 #61
Oh underpants, so so sorry you lost your big brother. Reading your description and memories of him brings an image of a KitFox Oct 2025 #62
Condolences to you. Dyedinthewoolliberal Oct 2025 #63
Sending you and all who loved Jake kind thoughts and may your memories remain vivid. ❤️ MLAA Oct 2025 #64
Oh, God, I'm so sorry. It sounds like you were very close. Those are great memories of him, and he highplainsdem Oct 2025 #65
I'm so sorry for your loss. pdxflyboy Oct 2025 #66
Wonderful tribute to your brother. SleeplessinSoCal Oct 2025 #67
🪽 mercuryblues Oct 2025 #68
Strength and comfort to you and his close ones. quaint Oct 2025 #69
I wish there was something I could offer that would make this easier for you. Morbius Oct 2025 #70
So sorry for your loss sdfernando Oct 2025 #71
.... chowder66 Oct 2025 #72
I am so sorry. MuseRider Oct 2025 #73
Ah Big Hug to ya. Eko Oct 2025 #74
Thanks. I didn't get that was Neil for a bit. underpants Oct 2025 #106
I'm sorry for the loss of your big brother. Solly Mack Oct 2025 #75
I'm so sorry for your loss. Glass raised, Alice B. Oct 2025 #76
Very sorry for your loss. IcyPeas Oct 2025 #77
A big loss JohnnyLib2 Oct 2025 #78
I'm so sorry for your loss, underpants. BComplex Oct 2025 #79
I am so sorry for your loss irisblue Oct 2025 #80
I am so sorry. He sounds like a wonderful person. Peace and strength to you 'pants. LoisB Oct 2025 #81
Sorry. sorry. underpants. May the memories of your brother bring you good memories to you and your family debm55 Oct 2025 #82
Thank you for sharing underpants Uncle Joe Oct 2025 #83
May his memory be a blessing. Thank you EllieBC Oct 2025 #84
so very sorry Skittles Oct 2025 #85
I'm so very sorry for your loss. yardwork Oct 2025 #86
I'm so sorry... CaptainTruth Oct 2025 #87
I'm so sorry for your loss. It sounds like you two had wonderful adventures together. nt Phoenix61 Oct 2025 #88
Sorry for your loss... essaynnc Oct 2025 #89
Sorry for your loss. JBTaurus83 Oct 2025 #90
I'm sorry, Underpants Bayard Oct 2025 #91
My deepest condolences LA Blue Bengal Oct 2025 #92
Condolences to you DaBronx Oct 2025 #93
Sincere condolences on your loss underpants Docreed2003 Oct 2025 #94
I am sorry for the loss of your brother. hamsterjill Oct 2025 #95
I am so sorry that you lost your brother. choie Oct 2025 #96
May his aura be scarlet begonias BaronChocula Oct 2025 #97
nod underpants Oct 2025 #107
....... marmar Oct 2025 #98
I'm so sorry for your loss. area51 Oct 2025 #99
I'm very sorry. mzmolly Oct 2025 #100
You have my sincerest condolences... sendin you virtual hugs. InAbLuEsTaTe Oct 2025 #101
What a loss KT2000 Oct 2025 #102
I'm sorry for your loss. Grumpy Old Guy Oct 2025 #103
... UTUSN Oct 2025 #104
Peace to you and those who loved him lonely bird Oct 2025 #105
Sounds like quite a guy. summer_in_TX Oct 2025 #108
My deepest condolences to you and your family. Will be thinking of you. HeartsCanHope Oct 2025 #109
I'm so sorry for your loss -- sounds like you had good memories to cherish Hekate Oct 2025 #110
Sounds like a great guy to hang with. Figarosmom Oct 2025 #111
Im sorry 😞 BlueWaveNeverEnd Oct 2025 #112
I'm sorry JoseBalow Oct 2025 #113
🫶🏽🕯️💐 blm Oct 2025 #114
That is rough; i am sorry for your loss peacebuzzard Oct 2025 #115
I would be in a state of shock right now. BigmanPigman Oct 2025 #116
He sounds like a wonderful brother and man. Please accept my condolences. NNadir Oct 2025 #117
Condolences underpants gademocrat7 Oct 2025 #118
gentle hug🫂 mwmisses4289 Oct 2025 #119
I am sorry. OldBaldy1701E Oct 2025 #120
In Celebration of Jake ❤ Donkees Oct 2025 #121
So sorry 🙏🙏 TommieMommy Oct 2025 #122
I'm so sorry Danmel Oct 2025 #123
I'm so sorry. barbtries Oct 2025 #124
So sorry for the loss of your brother. 70sEraVet Oct 2025 #125
I am so sorry for your loss, dear underpants Wicked Blue Oct 2025 #126
I am sorry for your loss, underpants. Clouds Passing Oct 2025 #127
I'm sorry you are going through this heartache. Emile Oct 2025 #128
🫂🫂🫂🫂 MayReasonRule Oct 2025 #129
Deepest sympathy to you and yours underpants malaise Oct 2025 #130
So sorry for your loss, but you know he'll always be with you in heart and soul. Fla Dem Oct 2025 #131
Condolences, underpants peggysue2 Oct 2025 #132
You and your brother shared a truly beautiful long strange trip. Condolences flashman13 Oct 2025 #133
I am sorry for your loss LetMyPeopleVote Oct 2025 #134
Condolences on your loss. Mad_Dem_X Oct 2025 #135
May his memory be a blessing! Would have loved to have known him. GoneOffShore Oct 2025 #136
I am so sorry for the loss of your brother. pandr32 Oct 2025 #137
My condolences to you underpants Faux pas Oct 2025 #138
((🤍)) My sincere condolences Deuxcents Oct 2025 #139
I'm so sorry 💙 swimboy Oct 2025 #140
My condolences for your loss... kentuck Oct 2025 #141
........ turbinetree Oct 2025 #142
I'm so sorry cate94 Oct 2025 #143
So sorry for your loss IbogaProject Oct 2025 #144
... littlemissmartypants Oct 2025 #145
So sorry for your loss. red dog 1 Oct 2025 #146
You have my deep condolences, Under. Celerity Oct 2025 #147
Excruciating. luvallpeeps Oct 2025 #148
... cliffside Oct 2025 #149
Dang! Very sorry to hear this. electric_blue68 Oct 2025 #150
I'm so sorry! Ocelot II Oct 2025 #151
I might have met him momentarily at some show -CT to ME.. OAITW r.2.0 Oct 2025 #152
My condolences on your loss underpants Niagara Oct 2025 #153
For your brother, my friend. OAITW r.2.0 Oct 2025 #154
My deep condolences, underpants. BobTheSubgenius Oct 2025 #155

mahatmakanejeeves

(68,311 posts)
4. I'm sorry to hear that. It's nice that you got along with him.
Fri Oct 10, 2025, 07:13 PM
Oct 2025

I’m not a big fan of the Grateful Dead, but GD Radio is on my playlist.

https://www.gdradio.net/

Irish_Dem

(79,962 posts)
7. Condolences to you UP.
Fri Oct 10, 2025, 07:16 PM
Oct 2025

What wonderful memories you have of Jake.
What character and neat guy.

MIButterfly

(2,134 posts)
20. I'm so sorry for your loss, underpants.
Fri Oct 10, 2025, 07:42 PM
Oct 2025

I extend to you and your family my condolences. May your memories of your brother eventually bring you peace.

With love and deep sympathy,
MIButterfly

ancianita

(42,935 posts)
23. Your love for him shines through these memories,
Fri Oct 10, 2025, 07:45 PM
Oct 2025

and may your heart find peace, underpants.

True Dough

(25,884 posts)
27. Next time I order a pie,
Fri Oct 10, 2025, 07:52 PM
Oct 2025

I'll think of you and Jake. Wish I could have a slice with you both and listen to you debate.

My condolences on your loss, underpants.

Sailingdiver

(342 posts)
28. Sorry to hear.
Fri Oct 10, 2025, 07:52 PM
Oct 2025

Sounds like you have a lot of memories. Keep those alive.

Great tune. Love the Dead!

Diamond_Dog

(39,815 posts)
34. I'm so sorry underpants.
Fri Oct 10, 2025, 07:55 PM
Oct 2025

The way you described him, he sounds like someone I wish I’d met. Peace to all of you.

tavernier

(14,281 posts)
35. As an only child, all my life, I have wished for a sibling.
Fri Oct 10, 2025, 07:57 PM
Oct 2025

My heart felt sympathy as you grieve for your loss, but at the same time you have something that can’t be taken away from you.

Cherish the memories my friend.

Chemical Bill

(3,060 posts)
39. I'm so sorry.
Fri Oct 10, 2025, 08:00 PM
Oct 2025

I only went to 3 Dead shows, so I didn't meet him, but I'm sure we had mutual friends.

mahina

(20,441 posts)
40. What a loss! Maybe we danced together.
Fri Oct 10, 2025, 08:02 PM
Oct 2025

The music never stops…
Wishing you comfort and peace of mind.

Marthe48

(22,743 posts)
41. I'm sorry for your loss
Fri Oct 10, 2025, 08:03 PM
Oct 2025

I hope that your conversations will resume someday. I had a brother like that, miss him a lot.

Be nice to yourself.

CousinIT

(12,283 posts)
45. I am so sorry for your loss!
Fri Oct 10, 2025, 08:09 PM
Oct 2025

I know you will cherish your memories of him for the rest of your days. He sounds like a great guy and your memories are heartwarming. Wishing you and your family lots of peace and strength at this heartbreaking time.

Ilsa

(63,859 posts)
47. I hope those memories will continue to comfort you as you
Fri Oct 10, 2025, 08:12 PM
Oct 2025

grieve this loss. Big hugs, underpants.

greatauntoftriplets

(178,638 posts)
49. Oh underpants, I'm so sorry for your loss.
Fri Oct 10, 2025, 08:16 PM
Oct 2025

Your brother sounds like quite a character who followed his own path. If you and your mother moved around a lot when you were kids, you probably were close friends throughout childhood. The double act in the pizza place has to have been hilarious.

Cherish your memories of him.

Gore1FL

(22,850 posts)
52. I am sorry.
Fri Oct 10, 2025, 08:20 PM
Oct 2025

As the very youngest of four, I fear I will bury at least one of my siblings.

I got all the cardio-vascular genes and the anger issues, so maybe the three of them will bury me, after all.

no_hypocrisy

(54,336 posts)
55. I'm so sorry. Losing someone like your brother is such a blow.
Fri Oct 10, 2025, 08:23 PM
Oct 2025

I hope your memories give you comfort.

Ellipsis

(9,424 posts)
58. To fond memories... they enrich us and keep us smiling through the hardship.
Fri Oct 10, 2025, 08:26 PM
Oct 2025

Last edited Fri Oct 10, 2025, 09:28 PM - Edit history (2)

I'm very sorry for the loss of your brother and wish you and yours the best.

Hey Joe

(417 posts)
59. So sorry you lost your brother
Fri Oct 10, 2025, 08:27 PM
Oct 2025

It’s damn hard losing the most precious people in your life.
Wishing you the best.

AZJonnie

(2,849 posts)
60. So sorry for your loss UP
Fri Oct 10, 2025, 08:28 PM
Oct 2025

Sounds you have wonderful memories full of love & great times together. Can't hope for too much more than that in life

May Jake pass gently and be remembered fondly by all

KitFox

(508 posts)
62. Oh underpants, so so sorry you lost your big brother. Reading your description and memories of him brings an image of a
Fri Oct 10, 2025, 08:30 PM
Oct 2025

life well lived and a bond that will forever be with you. Take special care of yourself; grief can feel so physical, too. Peace and gentle hugs to you. 🧡🧡🧡

MLAA

(19,671 posts)
64. Sending you and all who loved Jake kind thoughts and may your memories remain vivid. ❤️
Fri Oct 10, 2025, 08:32 PM
Oct 2025

highplainsdem

(60,140 posts)
65. Oh, God, I'm so sorry. It sounds like you were very close. Those are great memories of him, and he
Fri Oct 10, 2025, 08:33 PM
Oct 2025

sounds like someone who made friends everywhere he went.

I've been very open here about believing in an afterlife (though I'm not religious and I don't believe one's religion matters at all), and believing as well that our loved ones on the other side can sometimes find ways of comforting us when we're grieving, reassuring us that they're fine. I hope that will happen for you and Jake's other loved ones.

Morbius

(904 posts)
70. I wish there was something I could offer that would make this easier for you.
Fri Oct 10, 2025, 08:41 PM
Oct 2025

There isn't. I think it helps at times like this to remember you are not alone, and it's sometimes okay to lean on other people. Or let them lean on you. That doesn't make it easier but I think it should help you cope.

Best wishes and sincere condolences; Morbius.

sdfernando

(6,025 posts)
71. So sorry for your loss
Fri Oct 10, 2025, 08:49 PM
Oct 2025

Sounds like you two had an amazing relationship and life. Remember all of those good times!

MuseRider

(35,137 posts)
73. I am so sorry.
Fri Oct 10, 2025, 08:50 PM
Oct 2025

I became the last living member of my family about 6 months ago. It hurts and will for a while. Hold those good memories close. I am so so sorry. I never had a sister but my brothers were the best, all gone before I cross 71yo.

Be well. If you ever feel like dumping you can always send a mail. I have known you so long here that it feels like family and I am so sorry you are going through this.

Eko

(9,825 posts)
74. Ah Big Hug to ya.
Fri Oct 10, 2025, 08:52 PM
Oct 2025

So sorry, thanks for coming on here and sharing about him and you.
When that happens in my life I like to watch this, and thanks for including the Dead, I gotta re-learn that diminished run Jerry did on Help on the way/Slipknot.


Keep on keeponing.
Eko.

BComplex

(9,757 posts)
79. I'm so sorry for your loss, underpants.
Fri Oct 10, 2025, 09:06 PM
Oct 2025

Close sibling relationships are primally important to who we become/are. I'm glad that you had him in your life all these years.

When someone you love dies, the love doesn't. The love lives on in you. Sending you a big hug.

debm55

(56,073 posts)
82. Sorry. sorry. underpants. May the memories of your brother bring you good memories to you and your family
Fri Oct 10, 2025, 09:09 PM
Oct 2025

Uncle Joe

(64,269 posts)
83. Thank you for sharing underpants
Fri Oct 10, 2025, 09:10 PM
Oct 2025

Last edited Fri Oct 10, 2025, 11:00 PM - Edit history (1)

Peace, strength and healing to you and your family.

EllieBC

(3,627 posts)
84. May his memory be a blessing. Thank you
Fri Oct 10, 2025, 09:16 PM
Oct 2025

for sharing stories about him. I think you’d both have made a fabulous show at a pizza joint.

yardwork

(68,985 posts)
86. I'm so very sorry for your loss.
Fri Oct 10, 2025, 09:21 PM
Oct 2025

Your brother sounds like an amazing person. I wish I had known him.

essaynnc

(973 posts)
89. Sorry for your loss...
Fri Oct 10, 2025, 09:26 PM
Oct 2025

But so glad that you have so great memories of the two of you together !!!! May you Be at peace

Bayard

(28,669 posts)
91. I'm sorry, Underpants
Fri Oct 10, 2025, 09:37 PM
Oct 2025

He sounds like a great brother and friend.

Maybe this will help some. When I lost my big brother, I started writing down everything I remembered about him, every story, every hug. Its something to hang onto. If he had kids, they'd probably appeciate it too.

Take care of yourself, and we're here for you.

DaBronx

(754 posts)
93. Condolences to you
Fri Oct 10, 2025, 09:42 PM
Oct 2025

It is difficult to lose a sibling, one who shared the uniqueness of growing up together.
May you have strength and good memories to carry you forward.
Peace to you.

hamsterjill

(17,076 posts)
95. I am sorry for the loss of your brother.
Fri Oct 10, 2025, 10:02 PM
Oct 2025

Peace and comfort to you and to his other family and friends.

KT2000

(21,973 posts)
102. What a loss
Fri Oct 10, 2025, 10:33 PM
Oct 2025

I am sorry. Losing a close sibling is like losing part of yourself. Peace to you.

summer_in_TX

(4,051 posts)
108. Sounds like quite a guy.
Fri Oct 10, 2025, 11:15 PM
Oct 2025

So sorry for your loss. May your memories of the good times bring you comfort.

Hekate

(100,132 posts)
110. I'm so sorry for your loss -- sounds like you had good memories to cherish
Sat Oct 11, 2025, 12:12 AM
Oct 2025


May Jake cross gently and meet you on the other side.

Figarosmom

(9,835 posts)
111. Sounds like a great guy to hang with.
Sat Oct 11, 2025, 01:04 AM
Oct 2025

Sorry you lost him. Glad you have such good memories to hold.🕯

BigmanPigman

(54,606 posts)
116. I would be in a state of shock right now.
Sat Oct 11, 2025, 01:46 AM
Oct 2025

I don't handle death well at all. Even though I am an atheist I know that our energies never end but continue in another form.

That helps me a tiny bit but not enough to console me. The passage of time doesn't seem to lessen the loss I feel either. That's just me I guess.

I hope you handle it better than I would.

Donkees

(33,427 posts)
121. In Celebration of Jake ❤
Sat Oct 11, 2025, 06:42 AM
Oct 2025


''For we put the thought of all that we love into all that we make.''
- JRR Tolkien

barbtries

(31,140 posts)
124. I'm so sorry.
Sat Oct 11, 2025, 08:31 AM
Oct 2025

If you'd been on the West Coast, he and my brother John would have definitely been friends. Love your memories here, may they and many more comfort you profoundly.

Wicked Blue

(8,474 posts)
126. I am so sorry for your loss, dear underpants
Sat Oct 11, 2025, 08:58 AM
Oct 2025

Blessings of peace, heaing and wonderful memories for you.

Clouds Passing

(7,063 posts)
127. I am sorry for your loss, underpants.
Sat Oct 11, 2025, 09:25 AM
Oct 2025

You are so lucky to have had a good relationship with a very cool brother.

Jake

Emile

(40,708 posts)
128. I'm sorry you are going through this heartache.
Sat Oct 11, 2025, 09:54 AM
Oct 2025

I lost my brother in April, and I miss him.

peggysue2

(12,395 posts)
132. Condolences, underpants
Sat Oct 11, 2025, 10:48 AM
Oct 2025

Losing a sibling is really hard, a punch to the head and heart.

Be kind to yourself. Sending hugs.

IbogaProject

(5,635 posts)
144. So sorry for your loss
Sat Oct 11, 2025, 04:29 PM
Oct 2025

And also sorry to have lost a fellow east coast dead head with over 150 shows seen while Jerry was alive.

OAITW r.2.0

(31,556 posts)
152. I might have met him momentarily at some show -CT to ME..
Sat Oct 11, 2025, 09:50 PM
Oct 2025

He was certainly a brother in the musical dimension.

That sucks, but the reality of mortality appears inescapable. Best thoughts my friend.

OAITW r.2.0

(31,556 posts)
154. For your brother, my friend.
Mon Oct 13, 2025, 10:48 PM
Oct 2025
https://music.
&si=2sV2qHTgcODgI0A5

While the back story doesn't quite fit, this song always evokes all the folks I have lost.

BobTheSubgenius

(12,172 posts)
155. My deep condolences, underpants.
Tue Oct 14, 2025, 12:03 PM
Oct 2025

My sister died a few years ago (7 years younger than me) and I have always regretted not knowing her better. You and your brother were both much the better for your relationship.

SB is one of my favourite songs, btw. It seldom turns out the way it does in the song.

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