Sometimes MFM drowned his sorrows in drink -- a beartender his only friend.

[MiddleFingerMom]

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[Doc Holliday]

1. A woman walks into a bar.

She sits at the bar and says, "Tarbender, give me a vodka martooni." He grins and brings her one.

A bit later, she says, "Oh, tarbender? Bring me another vodka martooni, please." He rolls his eyes and brings her another.

Not long afterward, she beckons the bartender over again and says, "Tarbender, could I have another of these delicious martoonis, please?"

The joke having worn thin by now, he simply says, "Coming right up."

Shortly, the lady gets his attention again. He comes over and asks, "Can I get you something?"

She says, "Yes, tarbender. These martoonis are really good, but I may have overindulged. I have a burning sensation in my chest; can you call 911? I think I'm having a heart attack."

The bartender tells her, "Look, lady. It's 'bartender', not 'tarbender.' You're drinking 'martinis', not 'martoonis.' And you're not having a heart attack, either. Your left boob is covering the ashtray, and some guy just put his cigarette out on it."