Need advice on my daughter...

[Earth_First]

My daughter (15) went on a 'date' to the coffee shop this morning with a boy she's been seeing since late in the school year.

Today he posted a photograph of her sitting there with the caption "On a date with this mess..."

I called my daughter immediately to make sure everytging was okay. She assured me things were fine and that it has a different connotation, to which she had a weak explaination of.

Personally to me the meaning of this denotes an emotionally degrading comment towards a beautiful, intelligent young woman, and raises alarm bells for this young man...

Am I reading this correctly or overreacting...

Thanks for the advice!

[Kali]

1. no clue, Ima geezer now

but I can ask the cool son when he gets home from work - I'm sort of with you, sounds negative, but trust your kid I guess.

[Kali]

27. son has no clue either

suggested maybe usage like "mess of..." as in a quantity - mess of loveliness, or mess of pretty girl or something like that

admitted that was a weak suggestion

[LWolf]

2. That post is a mess.

He should not be photographing her and posting her pictures anywhere, to begin with. She's 15. She can't give him permission. You need to make this clear to her.

If she can't give "mess" an innocent connotation, then she shouldn't be "dating" him. Again, she's 15. You have the final say.

And, because she is 15, it's important not to react emotionally or aggressively. Be calm, be rational, be firm, and put a stop to it without arguing.

[Earth_First]

5. Yes, there is also that...

Its a point I plan on clarifying as well...

[Arugula Latte]

28. I'm thinking in this day and age it's almost impossible to enforce the thing about photos.

Kids are constantly taking pictures with their phones, sending them out on Instagram or Snapchat or whatever ... it's a nonstop massive stream of photos being sent out into the ether, day and night.

[LWolf]

29. I agree.

It's almost impossible, which is why kids need to be taught about privacy early.

I'm hard-nosed, though. I'd be looking for a phone that didn't take pictures. If there is such a thing.

[Xyzse]

3. I'm glad I don't have a daughter yet.

I'd smack that dumb brick upside the head.

And another thing is that one must explain that one should not allow to be photographed even for bragging.
Still, one must allow a child to fight their own battles a bit.

Even in slang, I can't think of anything positive with Mess.
Then again, my slang might be out-dated.

[ZombieHorde]

4. Might be slang.

The bomb, the shit, bitchin', etc. Lots of negative words have positive meanings in slang.

[Earth_First]

6. I thought so as well...

However I cannot seem to place it, nor could she explain it.

So I plan on explaining to her what this means coming from an adult, so hopefully in the future she understands...

[ZombieHorde]

7. Urban Diction has different meanings...

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=mess

Here is the first four...

An overly clumsy person who seems to have no control over his/her body.

When someone is really funny

A person whose life has fallen into disrepair. Or one who is suffering the effects of intoxicating substances, perhaps on a prolonged basis.

Is the genitalia in a male.

[Earth_First]

9. Hmmm...

Kids.

Going to have to ponder this one.

[ZombieHorde]

10. Yeah. I would not like to see a boy post that about my daughter,

but I am not entirely sure what he means. If he just means that she is funny, that is great.

[PasadenaTrudy]

31. "hot mess" is an affectation

A good one I hear

[bluedigger]

8. Could have been understated bragging.

Just trying to find a positive connotation. Still displays poor judgement.

[avebury]

11. I don't think that you are overreacting at all.

Young people today do not know how to filter and are clueless about long term potential consequences for what is put on the internet.

[femmocrat]

12. Encourage her to dump him.

He disrespected her even if he thought it was "funny". I agree, he should not be posting her picture anywhere. Get him to take it down!

I'm so glad my kids missed all this social media and technology.

[Callmecrazy]

13. Maybe he meant something like "hot mess"...

and maybe he should STFU. At 15, he wouldn't know a hot mess if he sat in it. He thinks he's being cool but he being very condescending to her. I'm getting more and more pissed as I write this. I think you should tell her that this is not cool, he's an asshole, and he should be ashamed for regarding her in that manner. Send an older brother or cousin and straighten Mr.smooth out. I'm a big proponent of stupidity being painful.

[HappyMe]

14. Talk to her in person about it.

You will be able to tell from her face what the deal is.

If they have been seeing one another for awhile, I wouldn't read too much into it just yet.

[lunatica]

15. I would definitely 'clear it up'

It'll be a good learning lesson for both of them. There may be no bad intent in what they did, but that's how you learn when you step over the line, even if done in all innocence.

[LeftofObama]

16. I can't see anything at all positive about calling someone a "mess".

Maybe it's just me, but if someone called me that it would be the last time we talked.

[ConcernedCanuk]

17. Couple of things caught my attention . .

.
.
.

How did you know so quickly the picture was posted?

You watching her every move?

Your daughter could detest the guy, but worse yet, finding out you are acting like the NSA,

she won't listen to you no more . . . and carry on.

15 year olds are not "kids" nowadays.

Yes, legally they are not adults, nor able to have "consensual" sex.

That's just hoopla!

Tell that rabbit running across your lawn he's too young to get laid . . .

You called your daughter "immediately" - the fact that she answered your call should have been enough.

"weak response" - maybe she was getting laid at the time?

Overreacting get's my vote

CC

[Earth_First]

25. No, I think you misunderstood...

She and I are both connected together via Facebook.

The photograph had been posted earlier in the morning and I became privy to it later on in the day (around lunchtime) at which point I immediately called her to make sure everything was okay.

We have a pretty easy going social media understanding with one another, and never have I nor my daughter felt it was intrusive at all...

It gives me comfort too, knowing that she answered my call immediately as well, she knows that I care immensly about her emotional well-being.

I'm going to talk with her about it, and determine whether or not to persue it wirh Mr. Boy.

Thanks for the thoughts...

[Agschmid]

39. I am not Facebook friends with my parents for this reason...

This happened a couple times to me as well and it got hard to make sure my parents knew the boundaries.

I am 28 y/o male, I date, I do dumb things, and it was too much to share. It's a fine line...

That being said I don't understand how what he said should be considered respectful or playful in any way?

[marzipanni]

18. Me thinks he may be the mess

My first real boyfriend, when I was 15, and he 17, liked to say teasing, mean things about my brothers, who were his supposed good friends, and me.
My brothers and I talked about this quirk of his and concluded it was to "make himself feel better about himself".

I asked my 18-year-old son and he said he calls his girlfriend (who he's been with for a couple of years) "his little scruffian", but that just sounds like a term of endearment to me. Then he said maybe it's something they say across the country, a local use that he wouldn't be familiar with.

[Demo_Chris]

19. sounds insulting to me, and as a man I would not tolerate it...

If some punk said something like this about my baby we would have words.

[elleng]

20. Meet him if you can (and haven't already,)

and try to lead him and her toward a respectful relationship. No lecturing, just hang out to discern what's up, and encourage the right direction.

[LadyHawkAZ]

21. Is she generally self-confident, capable, able to judge situations well?

If so, then if she says it's nothing it's probably nothing. Leave it alone.

[NuclearDem]

22. Just from personal experience, this might be taken out of context

I'm only 24, so I'm not too entirely unfamiliar with this sort of thing. Could've been just a harmless inside joke between the two of them.

But then again, I don't know the guy or your daughter, so I'm just guessing here.

[olddots]

23. We raised two daughters in L.A.

they are both alive , 28 and 31 .....take few deep breaths and remember we all were young fools living in a disgusting sleazy society
full of slimy predators and ............ she will be fine but maybe show the guy that you are concerned about the whole public display of youth's youthfulness which did not exist 20 years ago .

[1-Old-Man]

24. First I'd investigate to find out if you and your daughter are speaking the same languatge

I do not mean to be rude in saying that, but she may be using the word in ways you and I can not immagine. I've seen it before.

[Wait Wut]

26. I think you're overreacting in her mind, but...

...she's your daughter. Let her know that you don't understand what it means, that you love her and that it's a nice picture anyway.

A couple of things that caught my eye:

1. They went on a date to a coffee shop. At 15, my 'dates' were less appropriate. Kudos to the kids for choosing wisely.

2. He posted that pic and comment probably knowing that you would see it and she would obviously see it. That negates my suspicions of any evil intent.

3. You don't seem to know him well. Maybe you should.

15 is a funky age to be. If you think she's understating the situation, don't become overprotective, become supportive. Let her know that she can make up her own mind and that you're there when she needs you.

[Locut0s]

30. This depends ENTIRELY on the type of girl your daughter is...

So we can't really give good advise.

If your daughter is strong willed, self confident, intelligent and has a good head on her shoulder then yes I'd say you may be overreacting a bit, she can handle it herself.

If she is a very shy easily hurt girl with little experience with others then I would talk to her some more about it in a supportive way.

There's many shades of gray in between of course. In the end you know your daughter the best, not us.

[PasadenaTrudy]

32. Maybe sarcasm? n/t

[Chan790]

33. If she ain't sweating it...

you don't sweat it either. Teenagers are no fun and not worth trying to understand.

He's teasing her. She, by inference, probably likes it but isn't so keen on discussing it with her parents.

Trying to get teens to not take pictures and share them is an exercise in futility best immediately abandoned upon consideration...as long as the pics remain non-pornographic. You can't win, you may as well not even try; you'd have better luck trying to dam Niagara Falls with toothpicks and bubble gum.

[BainsBane]

34. I see nothing wrong with your communicating to her

that she deserves to be with someone who values her. If indeed that comment is as negative as it sounds, she may be overlooking it because she likes the boy and the negative images young women are subject to far too often. I disagree with the mind your own business position. She is your business. If my parents had helped me learn I deserved to be treated respectfully by boys/men, I'd would have been much better off.

[bif]

36. Modern slang is something else. Take my last name

Which I won't post here. Anyway, it's a very uncommon last name. I looked it up on the Urban Dictionary and to my surprise, it means to be really high or stoned. Wow! How the heck did they come up with that?

[Dash87]

38. Sounds very objectifying.

Calling women things like "this mess" or "that" are red flags imo. I think it's degrading.