Small-town police reports are the BEST entertainment!

[jmowreader]

From the Adams County, Wash., sheriff's blotter:

Saturday, July 6, 10:01 pm. A deputy responded to a location on West Cunningham Road, where an intoxicated person was being held down by another person. The deputy asked the person to get off the intoxicated person. He did, stood up, and was talking to the deputy. Then he headbutted the deputy in the face. He was booked into jail for assault third degree.

Friday, July 5, 6:20 am. Deputies responded to Highway 395, where there were two subjects in the median of the roadway, leading another with a bag on his head. Their vehicle was disabled and they were waiting for a ride. The bag was to prevent the man's sunburn from worsening.

[Major Nikon]

1. The funniest one I saw...

A guy was drunk and riding in the passenger seat of his in-laws mini-van. He told his father-in-law to pull over so he could pee on the side of the road. The father-in-law refused, so the guy started peeing out the window as they passed a cop car.

[olddots]

2. I read the Police Crime Blotter every week

it is both sad and funny when it mentions all the stuff stolen out of unlocked cars or left in plain sight in locked cars .It's not a small town here but these people have the street smarts of a cheese Danish .

[hunter]

3. Somebody rummaged through our unlocked car once.

They didn't find anything, but they left a flashlight and a roll of stamps they'd stolen out of somebody else's car.

I think they ran like hell when the dogs barked and we turned on the porch light.

But they'd broken windows on some neighbors' cars to get in. Leaving the car unlocked actually saved us some trouble that time.

On the other hand, just looking at our cars it's pretty obvious there's nothing valuable inside.

[Kali]

4. before our little town weekly stopped printing names

I made the paper once for no seatbelt on a traffic stop for something else that I can't recall at the moment, but the thing that got me was they printed my (middle) age

[pipi_k]

5. Pretty much everything

in a small town is entertaining.

We get a weekly small town newspaper, and although there aren't any police reports, the rest of the (ahem) news is usually a riot.

A few weeks ago a cow escaped from a pen intended to hold her and others for the meat market.

She's been spotted roaming around free in a nearby town, but apparently is too foxy for her would-be captors to round up.

I'm hoping she avoids predators and becomes a Hilltowns legend.

[cyberswede]

6. We had one where the citizen called the police to report vandalism...

All the cars in the neighborhood were covered with a white powdery-looking substance.

Police arrived on the scene and determined the substance was frost.

[rurallib]

11. Frost!

[dixiegrrrrl]

7. Best story in our Mayberry weekly rag

showed all the candidates who filed for Mayor, prior to last election.
There were 6.
Filing fee must be pretty low, because the 6th pic. was of scawny, shifty eyed man in his 40's, clearly it was an image of an arrest photo.

Come the week before the election, when our scawny, shifty eyed man in his 40's photo appears again..a FRESH arrest photo.
He had been arrested for stealing 40# of shelled beans from a neighbor's porch.
in broad daylight.
In front of at least 10 witnesses.

too late to take his name off the ballot.
he got 6 votes!

[Lee-Lee]

8. Try working it

I was a deputy for 5 years before losing my job due to an election of a Republican sheriff, I really should have kept notes because I have probably forgotten half the crazy ones.

The drunks were always amusing.

I had 3 drunks trying to ride one moped one night, they could not get it going fast enough to balance unless they were gong downhill.

Had a guy get a DUI on a horse, also had DUI's on golf carts, tractors and one in a Bobcat.

Had one case where we drove up and a man was naked on a porch roof- turns out his girlfriends husband came home early and he had to duck out the window, but then he spotted him and wouldn't let him down.

Had two kids that robbed a convenience store, in full view of cameras, and thought they wouldn't get caught because somebody told them if you put lemon juice on your face it blurs it for cameras.

[Locut0s]

9. My favourite cop story is still this classic 911 call (I think we are dying)...

I'm sure we all know it but haha lol it never gets old:

[Dash87]

12. At my old college, someone opened up a nearby cattle pen.

He tried to ride one of the horses or something like that, and was massively drunk. The description of it was hilarious.

But not so funny for the people who had to find the freed animals.

[jmowreader]

13. My own paper doesn't run the entertaining crime reports

The cities of Coeur d'Alene, Post Falls, Hayden, Fernan and Dalton Gardens together are large enough (they touch, so they have to be counted as one) we'd need a 20-page section every day for the police blotter...esp. since we just reported that we're the most crime-ridden county in Idaho. But we report a lot of burglaries, we never get one where an occupied house was broken into, and in about 85 percent of them guns were taken. The claimed reason for gun ownership in many cases is to stop people from breaking in while you're there. In my area that never happens - my editor has a policy that if it does it's front page news and we've not done it since I've worked there - but a lot of guns are stolen in burglaries. Once they even stole a gun safe, and that would have required a big truck and mover's dolly.

[u4ic]

14. I got hooked when I went camping in small town Montana

and ended up reading the sheriff's log from the local paper.

The one that stood out to me was a person was reported acting strangely in a parking lot. When the officer arrived, they were dancing. The officer asked if they were 'ok', and the reply was they were most certainly, having a fantastic day and felt like celebrating. They wished the officer a good one too, and danced off.

Toole County, indeed.

We don't have RCMP reports like that. Gawd, they would be hilarious.

edit: after looking forward every week to that aforementioned newspaper on the net, a few months later it went to subscription only. No more sheriff's logs, though I should scour the intertubes for free ones.

[bluedigger]

15. Ours are often good for a laugh.

Saturday, June 15

A man was trespassing and was attempting to gain entry into a locked dumpster. The man was carrying a brown paper bag, which contained an open 24-ounce can of alcohol beverage. The man was asked if he noticed anybody trying to get into the locked dumpster. He said that he didn’t know the dumpster was locked until he tried to open it because he could smell marijuana. He was also asked if he noticed the no trespassing sign and he said no. The owner of the store was notified of the incident and wanted to press charges against the man. The man was cited with trespassing and for having an open container. The person that reported the incident said that she was aware of the problem that people were trying to get into the dumpster because of the marijuana plant stalks inside.

Yeah, this would be Colorado...