I received this very strange text from my ex and now I'm all fucked up...

[Gravitycollapse]

"I miss your unforgiving intelligence sometimes. Thank you for continuing to be."

I've been pondering my emotional state for the past week or so and have decided that I'm not technically over her yet. By that I mean I still think about her too much and I cannot yet picture myself entering into another relationship. She is sort of a haunting presence in my psyche.

Well, this certainly hasn't helped.

[Blue_In_AK]

1. Breaking up is hard to do.

[Iggo]

2. You're right.

You think about her too much.

Try not to worry too hard about it. It'll pass.

[Fridays Child]

3. How long have you been broken up?

It takes time. As for her text, it sounds like she's processing her pain, too. We each do this a little differently. I think I understand what you mean--the haunting presence in your psyche. Go easy on yourself. Keep moving, literally and figuratively. The pain will ease.

[Gravitycollapse]

4. It's been slightly less than 2 months.

[R B Garr]

5. Have you been no contact with her?

Her text basically says she misses you, but she didn't want to be that obvious.

It sounds like you're healing from your bike accident. Those pictures were scary.

[Vanje]

6. Ooooh!

Still real hurty at 2 months

[nomorenomore08]

7. Still raw for sure. But I would expect that within such a short time-frame.

The passage of time may seem like the most painful thing in the world, especially when you're young (which I still am) but it can also be healing in the long run.

[pipi_k]

8. I think I'm going to be

the only one here (so far anyway) who thinks that this is cruel on her part.

See, here's the deal...no matter how painful the breakup was for the person who did the breaking up, I don't think it's cool for that person to contact the other person to say how much they're missed unless the intent is to get back together and give it another try.

Absent that, if someone breaks up with me and then contacts me to say how much they "miss me" with no intention of trying to make it work, my reply is a big "fuck you, leave me the hell alone, don't be an asshole and give me false hope".

Although I've found that there was probably a real good reason for breaking up in the first place, and it's probably not a good idea to get back together unless it was a mutual trial separation.

My first husband left me a couple of times and I took him back until the third time when he asked to come back and I finally said NO.

He and his third wife (I was the first) left each other at least twice a year during the nearly 20 years of their marriage. It worked for them...whatever.

Not my cup of tea.

Anyway, back to the text. I think your ex needs to grow up and leave you alone to fully mourn the loss of the relationship.

[handmade34]

10. yes cruel...

but not necessarily intentional... yes it seems the ex needs to grow up

people play a lot of games... some intentional, but many that are not... emotions can be intense and crazy!

[pipi_k]

16. I agree...

about the intention part. Maybe she doesn't realize she's being cruel.

In which case, someone needs to educate her real quick...

[Gravitycollapse]

12. I'm in pretty much total agreement with your argument.

My initial reaction to the text was a brief bout of hope. But then I realized that it was kind of cruel. And then I became very angry.

The bottom line is I do just kind of want her to leave me alone. Even though I don't. But I do. If you know what I mean.

[pipi_k]

17. Oh, believe me...

I totally understand where you're coming from there.

That whole please leave me alone, no please don't leave me alone, stuff is enough to drive a person nuts.

[lunatica]

14. My first thought was that she might want to get back together with him

She's testing the waters to see how he responds. If he says he misses her too then they'll have something to begin a conversation on. If not then she hasn't exposed her feelings too much.

[pipi_k]

18. Yeah, that's a possibility...

But here would be my problem with someone doing that...

If the person broke my heart, he would have to be able to take what he dished out in the form of a big fat "No way!" if I didn't want to get back together, you know?

Have a little honesty and integrity and be willing to accept the possible consequences of perhaps acting a little too hastily with the breakup.

Doing it sort of covertly like that seems to me like, "Oh, I know I hurt you and I don't want to get hurt back".

Feh.

[BlueStreak]

26. That' how it seemed to me

Question for GravityCollapse. Was there a good reason you two broke up?

If that reason is still valid, you need to force yourself to thank her for her kind thoughts, tell her you think of her often too, but we need to be on separate paths.

It is OK to have strong feelings for people you can't really live with. And it is OK to say so out loud.

[Gravitycollapse]

29. She never gave me a reason when she dumped me.

I'm not so sure he had an actual, conscious reason to do so. The look on her face when she told me she had no specific reason was indicative of someone who had entirely no idea what she was doing.

[Xipe Totec]

15. Oft have I digg'd up dead men from their graves,

And set them upright at their dear friends' doors,
Even when their sorrows almost were forgot;
And on their skins, as on the bark of trees,
Have with my knife carved in Roman letters,
'Let not your sorrow die, though I am dead.'

- Aaron the Moor,

Titus Andronicus by William Shakespeare

This seems apropos at the moment.

[petronius]

20. That... was awesome.

I don't think I've ever seen a better example of the unexpected Shakespeare quote...

You =

[Chan790]

9. It's a vague non-committal sort of "thinking of you"

It could be taken as an invitation to initiate conversation, if that's what you want...or play obtuse if that's not what you want.

[Tuesday Afternoon]

23. yep.

[sharp_stick]

11. I don't know your

situation and can't offer any real advice because of that.

But, there's always a but isn't there? I would take that with a grain of salt, she's probably in as messed up a frame of mind as you are. Two months is no time in break up land, everything is still raw.

I don't even know if I'd text her back, when I was in the dating environment way back when, I was a big believer in the cut off method. I wouldn't seek out or do anything to correspond with an ex for at least six months after a breakup. No phone calls, no letters, no emails. It helped me to move on after a relationship to be that way because I always investing a lot into a relationship.

Best of luck, I hope all works out well for you.

[Callmecrazy]

13. Text her back...

Tell her you are sooo over her and you don't care what she misses. She fucked up when she walked out and now her life isn't turning out the way she thought it would without you.
Tell her to dial 9-2-2 for WAA and to get on with her life because you have already gotten on with yours.

You know, half of that may be bullshit, but just by writing it out and knowing she saw it; you will start believing it for yourself. What do you care if she thinks you're rude. Take the offensive and leave her thinking that her leaving has turned out to be the best thing for you.

And what the fuck does unforgiving intelligence mean anyway?

[rug]

19. Unforgiving emotion trumps unforgiving intelligence.

Every time.

[retread]

21. What the hell does "unforgiving intelligence" mean?

[Gravitycollapse]

22. I think she is referencing my argumentation skills...

We both have a background in feminist and queer theory. And I've always prided myself on my unrelenting debate skills when talking with lay people.

In other words, I don't beat around the bush if I think you're wrong.

[tavernier]

24. My unforgiving intelligence tells me

that she should be writing blurbs for greeting cards.

Thank you for continuing to be.

Really?

Sorry; this just comes off very contrived to me. But hey, it's your party. Hope it works out well for you.

[Gravitycollapse]

25. I also feel as though it is contrived.

It's not exactly an elegant collection of words. More so, like you said, the strange pronouncement in cheap greeting cards.

[BlueStreak]

27. Come on folks. We don't need to trash the girl

Why don't we assume the best, that she was expressing her genuine feelings? People can be kind to one another even though they have decided to separate.

[Gravitycollapse]

28. We didn't decide to separate. She dumped me out of the blue.

And gave no reason.