Major crush on someone 12 years younger than me-Is it wrong?

[NewsCenter28]

So I met someone special at the gym back a week ago. We've really hit it off and connect like basically on every level. I'm 30 and it just seems like dating a 18-year-old (Mar. 20, 1995) would be weird? Both my dad and I have this thing where we look like 15 years younger than our age. So, I don't even really look 18 let alone 30! We're also at pretty similar stages in life. I haven't moved out yet since my Mom advised me not to move out until you find someone special and have something better to go to so we both live at home. We both go to the gym each day. We're both in super good shape and dare I say gorgeous. We're both fanatical about our NHL Canucks and President Obama... Oh yeah, we always have to be the last one to message each other on FB and get into silly games to see who says the last word We are already super good friends after just a week.

Is it wrong anyway to consider dating??!! Should I drop this? Also, there is a double-header NHL game on Saturday night. Would it be cool to ask to hang out? We can have pizza and then watch the double header in which our Canucks are participating!

I will say that I'm so happy this came along to deflect me off that jerk who didn't invite me to his wedding and didn't make an effort to be friends with me whatsoever! I was devastated. Also, he never texted back. It was 1 text and done! Oh yeah and in 2012, I had another person who I thought was a friend who was always dismissive of me. I guess its like they say - its always darkest before the dawn. So nice to finally meet someone who doesn't dismiss me!

[Tobin S.]

1. Morally and legally you're in the clear.

I wouldn't date someone that young if I was your age, though, unless I was just intending for it to be a sexual thing and nothing more. And if that's the case, I'd let her know.

I was just getting my shit together when I got to be 30. I would have wanted someone back then who was about my age if I wanted to be in a serious relationship. I wouldn't have wanted to wait 12 years for my partner to get her shit together. People do a lot of growing between 18 and 30.

[Locut0s]

37. I can see another way of looking at it though...

If you are just getting it together at 30 you might not feel at all comfortable with other 30 year olds who have had it together for 10+ years. You might feel much more of a connection with someone who is also just getting it together, but in their late teens like many do. I have no dating experience what soever so I'm not speaking from the point of view of knowledge but I could potentially see this.

[B Calm]

2. You have to be careful. 18 might really be 17.

[Scuba]

3. If you were 20 and she was 8 it would be a problem.

Fall in love and have some fun.

[Chan790]

4. No, that's great. n/t

[Dash87]

5. Go for it matey!

This post is 5x more trustworthy because the title ends with "matey."

[antiquie]

6. Very trustworthy post;

you sound very sincere. I'm certain you will receive a lot of sage advice.

[Arugula Latte]

11. ...

[Wait Wut]

7. No.

Before I married my husband...

I dated a guy that was 14 years younger.
After him, I dated a guy that was 23 years younger (4 years younger than my son).

My husband is 7 years older.

Like you, I look a lot younger than my age. The two guys I dated looked older. The (at the time) 21 year old looked to be in his 30s. On two occasions I was asked for ID at a bar and he wasn't. Pissed him off.

Both were mature for their ages. The 21 year old more than the 31 year old. I'm still friends with the younger one. The other died of a drug overdose 2 years ago. We had kept in contact, for the most part. But, it was getting harder to do so because of his addiction. I just couldn't save him.

I know plenty of people older than myself that don't have the maturity of a 16 year old. As long as you go into the relationship with knowledge of the reality of the situation, there's nothing wrong with it. You're only 30 years old. The most difficult part of a relationship with someone younger is their friends. Your 'interest' may be more mature, but that doesn't mean his friends are.

Take it slow and try the relationship out as friends, first.

[bigwillq]

8. No

Sometimes we can't control who we have a crush on.
This person is legal, so I don't see anything wrong with it.

[Iggo]

9. Society has drawn the line at 18, and you're on the legal side of that line.

If it feels right, do it.

If it feels wrong, don't.

And that's about as much advice as you should take from an anonymous message board on the internet.

[Bunnahabhain]

10. The only thing wrong is

using the term "major crush" at 30!

[Art_from_Ark]

39. Some people can have a major crush when they're 50

All it takes is the right circumstances to get the dopamine fired up after a long period of dormancy.

[Taverner]

12. How do you feel about it and how does she feel about it

I won't lie, 18 is young. But then again, so is 30 (so get off my lawn, you young whippersnapper!!)

I know for myself, I could never date someone who was not from around the same generational culture as I. My wife is my age, and women I've been attracted to have always been within 5 years of my age.

BUT if it works, it works. If you both feel that way then go for it.

[RebelOne]

13. Nothing wrong with it.

I dated an 18-year-old guy when I was 30. I always looked a lot younger. But it was pretty much platonic. I couldn't really connect with his young friends.

[damyank913]

14. Dooood, taking dating advise from ppl on an anonymous thread...

...is like taking relationship advise from a guy that hangs out at a bar. Good luck with that.

[nomorenomore08]

15. Nothing wrong with it at all. I say go for it!

BTW, not that it matters but I gather that you're female and the other person is male? Or am I wrong?

[Callmecrazy]

16. I've been told that half your age plus seven years is socially acceptable...nt

[pitohui]

20. yeah i was told the same

my vote if you're looking to score, go for it, this "gorgeous" 18 yr old may not always be around to party with

my crush is way more than 12 years younger and sadly he is still legal so obv. i won't be seeing 30 again...as the saying goes you regret the ones you don't do...

[mythology]

17. Personally I wouldn't, but that doesn't mean it can't be right for you

I wouldn't because I'm not going to have much, if anything, in common with somebody 12 years younger or older than I am. I'm not going to be in the same economic, career, or emotional stage of my life. Plus, I have the history of my dad being about that much older than my mom and he picked her because at the time she didn't have the self-confidence to realize what an asshat he is.

But if that baggage doesn't apply to you, then go for it.

[elleng]

18. The 12 years is not important.

The maturity of the 'youngster' is important.

[Bertha Venation]

19. Mrs. Venation is 11 years older than I am.

I think age is unimportant. (Unless you are a cheese.)

[opiate69]

33. or a Scotch...

[mentalsolstice]

21. My mom was 19, dad was 28, and they dated for 6 weeks

But it still works for them, 50+ years later. When I met my husband I was 29, he was 42... 23 years later we're still together. Some DUers will say it's creepy...I won't judge as long as it's legal and consenting.

[nolabear]

22. It's legal. Just keep in mind she IS very young.

Even if you're at similar stages of life, she hasn't HAD many yet and should have the chance to have them. So I would take it kind of slow. Just a thought.

[Demo_Chris]

23. It's no one's business. Enjoy every day if you can...

And if you find something that makes you happy grab it with both hands.

[pitohui]

24. what he said

what else can be said really

[No Vested Interest]

25. "we both live at home"...

Parents likely to be around.
Be prepared for questions and perhaps parental push-back.
Be upfront.
If you have to sneak around, it may not be worth it.

[grahamhgreen]

26. No. But

The place to ask is:

http://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice

[Dash87]

31. Asking reddit about relationships is like asking Mc Hammer for financial advice.

[grahamhgreen]

32. LOL, SEDDIT better

[PassingFair]

27. You sound very immature and childish for your age, so it just might work out! nt

[noamnety]

28. I wouldn't date someone who was 18.

At that age they have some major decision points to make - going to college? Going local or moving out of state?

I wouldn't want to get in the way of that decision. I teach high school, and I've had 18 year olds who get accepted to college and turn down the offer because they don't want to leave their boyfriend. Then a month later the guy dumps them, and they are screwed.

It just seems unfair to the other person to put them in a position to be pressured (even if indirectly) to give up their future plans if things turn serious. And for an 18 year old sometimes relationships seem inappropriately serious after ridiculously short amounts of time.

[HipChick]

29. My mum is 11 years older than my dad

they have been happily married for over 20yrs

[ProudToBeBlueInRhody]

34. Be careful

18 year olds are generally fickle, like day to day fickle. I know from experience. It's not a bad thing, they are finding their way. But sometimes people's hearts get in the way of that progress.

[steve2470]

35. my take

1- I'd be 100% sure this person is 18. Nuff said.

2- Friends is a very easy thing in many cases. Romance, not so much.
I see a real good chance of one or both of you getting hurt. Others above
have laid it out pretty well.

Good luck.

[bluedigger]

36. No, just impractical in this case.

I always set the cut off at legal drinking age myself, but I suppose you can always let her drive if you want to have a drink when you take her out to dinner...

[Locut0s]

38. God damn am I envious of you...

LOL. I have no advise to offer as I've sadly never been in a relationship. I can only give my 2 cents. As others have said I would take it slow as friends in the beginning. One thing I've learned in dealing with people of that age is that you can be great friends and have more in common than you would think possible, but the differences aren't necessarily noticeable right away and they might bother you more than you might think right now. Tastes in music, the arts, literature etc might not sound that important but if there are too many differences it might start to matter. I know going to school with others that age I can have a lot of fun with them but when it comes to current events, global news, or pop culture the two of us are speaking different languages.

But like I said DAMN am I envious. I'm 31, never dated a girl in my life, due to anxiety and other issues. I kick myself for it almost daily and at this point I don't know what to do. I'm rather intimidated by most girls my own age. I don't know if a relationship like yours would work for me, but it sounds nice. Give it a go and see where it takes you! Just be careful as others have said.

[FUMCSDLCBDPOS]

40. 18 years of age is an adult in America

18 years of age is an adult in America as long as eveyone involved is 18 yeras of age or older enjoy yourselves!

[a la izquierda]

41. I dated a 30 year old briefly when I was 18.

It was really fun, but at that age, I couldn't get past the fact that he would turn 40 before I hit 30. Now, I wouldn't care in the slightest about dating someone 12 years older. But, I can't imagine dating a 24 year old guy (I'm 36).



And I also look very young for my age.

[MiniMe]

42. My Dad was 10 years older than my mother, they were happily married for almost 50 years

[NewsCenter28]

43.

Thanks! I am positive about being legal ha-ha. I've seen the grad ceremony pics and congrats on FB. DOB is March 20, 1995 for sure. LOL. We kind of started chatting each other up because I was frustrated that my buddy would always say that he'd be at the gym and not show up and I was getting terribly lonely there.

Also, the vice principal of our local H.S. has become a good buddy of mine at the gym. He must be 50-55 to my 30 and there's no problem there age wise.

Started off as just being friends but I ended up falling head-over-heels. We talked over FB a bit last night and each time I get a message back, I get all tingly, euphoric and happy ha-ha. Oh yeah, when we say bye to each other at the gym and say our names, we both say each other's names with 1000-bolt electricity.

I do know that I will have to move out of province eventually if I want to make this work but I'm prepared to do it. Parents will definitely push back big time I agree but I'm prepared for a showdown with them if I continue to feel this way.

Also, maybe its a good sign that we didn't see each other until months after graduation and after finishing h.s. at the gym. So its like it was as legal as it could possibly be before we met! I would have issues dating someone, even 18, who was still in h.s. for sure!