Self awareness resolving psychological issues.

[Tobin S.]

Does being aware of a root cause of a psychological problem help you resolve the problem?

Here's an example of what I'm talking about.

I wrote a post here a little while back talking about how I suffer from a fear of public speaking. It's something I'm going to have to get over, or at least work through, because when I graduate from school I will likely be required to speak in front of groups as a part of my job.

Last night I was at an event where I was honored for my academic achievements. I'm a senior in college with a 4.0 GPA. I am also not intimidated by most people unless they are threatening me with a weapon. But when I got up in front of that group of people to accept my induction (and it wasn't a large group) I felt like a frightened child.

I got through it okay, but afterward, until I went to bed that night, I kept feeling ashamed of myself and feeling like I was a failure. It occurred to me today when I first felt that way regarding a group of people and I think it has made a deep impression on my psyche that's going to take some work to resolve, but I think it's fixable.

When I was 11 years old, I was in the school choir. It was a fairly large school and there were probably about thirty kids in the choir. I remember enjoying everything about the choir. From the rehearsals to performing for parents and students, I was very comfortable with it. One day, I told the music teacher that I had started to learn how to play guitar. She thought that was great and then made plans to incorporate my guitar playing into one of our songs.

That put a lot of pressure on me because I wasn't at all confident in my guitar playing and I was very much a novice. The teacher gave me the music I had to learn but never rehearsed with me.

Our next performance was for our families. It was a big production. There was going to be a play, there would be music from the school band, and there would be singing from the choir. Before we went on, my music teacher told me what to do. For one of our songs I had to come down from the choir, sit by her where she would be at the piano out in front of everybody, and play the guitar part to the song.

I was not prepared at all. The music was too much for me to figure out on my own. I don't know what that teacher was thinking putting me out there without having rehearsed with me. I wasn't brave enough to tell her that I didn't know what I was doing.

There were easily 200 people in the audience. When the time came, the music teacher summoned me to the piano. I sat out front with my guitar. She put a microphone right up to the guitar, nice and close. By this time I was scared shitless. She played the opening bars on the piano and nodded at me to come in. I proceeded to play nonsense. It wasn't even close. I wasn't in time or key. I doubt my guitar was even in tune. I ended up just kind of strumming one chord the rest of the way through.

I could tell my teacher was surprised. After the song was over, I was deeply embarrassed and went back to my place in the choir. I felt like a failure and I felt ashamed- mortified in front of 200 people.

It probably wasn't nearly that big of a deal, but I don't think you could have convinced me of that at the time. The damage was done.

Yeah, I think that's it.

So, back to my question: Does being aware of a root cause of a psychological problem help you resolve the problem? I have found that it helps me a great deal, but I've heard others say that they are quite aware of the sources of their psychological problems but it doesn't resolve anything.

[digonswine]

1. It absolutely helps-

it puts it into a logical perspective.
When it is long ago-you can see it more accurately- from a mature perspective.
I can remember horrific moments from the past-they barely register today---but I remember how I felt.
So--I changed my mind-understanding the root does not solve the problem.
Seeing things in perspective, and projecting that onto now-certainly helps.

If I had a persistent psychological problem, however, the knowledge of the cause would be useless.

[Tobin S.]

2. I think I understand what you are saying.

I guess we might have to break it down into a couple of categories: trauma and biology or something like that.

I have bipolar disorder and I think it has a biological component. There is no amount of contemplation that helps the symptoms of that illness. The only thing that has worked for me is medication to treat those symptoms.

But maybe when an issue is experiential, insight can be helpful.

[elleng]

3. Yes, and I think that's part of the rationale for psychoanalysis,

helps us analyze up from the event.

[LiberalEsto]

4. Tobin, I can relate to that

I was terrified not just of public speaking, but taking part in class discussions, even through college.

My problem started when I was maybe 5 or 6. I was raised by immigrant parents from Estonia and taken to many social and cultural events in the local Estonian community. One thing that was expected, even from little kids, was that they had to be able to stand up and recite a short poem or prose in Estonian, in front of an audience of adults and other kids. This was a big part of the annual Christmas party. My mom chose a poem for me, but didn't sit down and help me practice, so I didn't realize that that was necessary. When my turn came to recite, I forgot the lines, got flustered, and ran back to my seat in mortification. Did anyone try to comfort me and reassure me that I would do better next time? Hell no. My mother scolded me and kept telling me, over and over, that I had humiliated her in front of everyone. She didn't care about my feelings, only her own. If she'd cared enough to help me practice, I would probably have done okay and spared her the embarrassment.

Being bullied in school from 3rd grade all the way through high school made it worse. Any time I got up to write on the blackboard or sharpen a pencil, someone stuck a foot out to try and trip me. I tried very hard to not call attention to myself hoping they would leave me alone, but once the meaner kids find a victim, they get addicted to the fun of bullying the victim.

Just in the past few years I managed to get over it, enough to lead services at my former Unitarian Universalist congregation on a number of occasions. I did it with the gradual encouragement of a wonderful minister who asked me to do a short reading during a service, then another some weeks later, and so on. Gradually I found myself doing more and more, and feeling increasingly confident. It helped that this was a small congregation, less than 100 people, and I knew most of them. And it was a forgiving congregation, in the sense that we did not criticize mistakes, but offered support.

You obviously didn't get the support you needed from that teacher, and the result was traumatic for you. I hope you can get support and encouragement to overcome it. If I could do it, I'm certain that you can too. And you will.

[LiberalEsto]

5. Couple more things

I have a friend who overcame his fear of public speaking through an organization called Toastmasters. They give each other support as they work on their public speaking skills. Check and see if there's a chapter near you.

[Tobin S.]

8. I was writing my response below when you posted this.

There is a chapter about 25 miles away. I will probably make use of it when I have the time.

[Tobin S.]

6. Thank you, Ms Esto

I appreciate your story.

Some people here have suggested a group called Toastmasters to me. They are all about becoming more confident in public speaking. Unfortunately, I don't have the time to participate in their sessions right now. But I do have a public speaking course that I have to take at school, and I think that will probably help.

[NJCher]

7. Public speaking teacher here

I think recognition of where this fear starts is very important.

Your teacher must have been very young and naive, because as an experienced instructor, I can tell you that I would never try such a stunt.

We can all be victims of someone who is a professional but who has some issue or flaw that prevents them from fulfilling their responsibilities to us.

It's not surprising you have had a very tough time overcoming such an experience.

Public speaking is the number one fear of Americans, so not surprisingly, there are many resources out there for help. Toastmasters, for one.

I wish you the best in overcoming this block and moving on to becoming a successful public speaker.


Cher

[Tobin S.]

9. Thanks, Cher

Yes, I've heard of Toastmasters. See my posts above. I'll probably join them when I have the time.

[Downwinder]

10. If you find the answer, let us know.

I can speak from the audience but if I get to a blackboard, podium, or microphone my mind ceases to function. Afterward I can't even remember what I said even if people tell me I did well.

[Wounded Bear]

11. Yes, but there's a really big but.....

It helps to know the root cause or the root event/trauma that led to one's psychological problems. But what really matters is what you do with it.

[uriel1972]

13. I agree...

Knowing where to start is very important. Starting, even more so.

[vanlassie]

14. I think it is very helpful to recall an early

life experience in which you felt like you do today. There is a very specific reason. Because at that early age, you put in place a belief about yourself, others, or life. These beliefs are usually false but made sense at the time. Especially when at such young ages, most of us did not get the support we needed to make good sense of things that happened.

Maybe you decided that you don't have what it takes to perform.

Maybe you decided that audiences are likely to be unfriendly.

These beliefs are almost always false. The good news is that now that we are adults we can disavow the false belief and replace it with truth. What was true was...? Get the truth and refuse to let your old beliefs have any more if your precious life.