A Ten-Month-Old's Letter to Santa

[WilliamPitt]

Dear Santa,

I am a ten-month-old baby and I write because my mother has been sending out my “Christmas List” to people, and her list does not in any way represent the things I really want. I could give two s#*ts about receiving stacking cups.

And I know you’re ready to make the joke about ten month-old babies and how all we want is the wrapping paper and the boxes. Touché, Santa. Touché. We do, of course, want those things. But I have a number of additional things I want very badly.

My list is enclosed below. Have a lovely holiday.

-Ten Month-Old Baby

(snip)

4.) Everybody’s Eyeglasses



I pull these off the face of every person I meet, only to have them pried from my fingers and reclaimed by their original owners. I would love a pair of my own. Again, these are going to be for eating.

(snip)

7.) The Hole in the Hallway Floorboard



Such a strange existential dilemma. I spend hours looking at this hole and poking at it with my fingers. I know that I cannot “have” a hole, as a hole is not a thing that can be had. A hole is an absence. And yet this is supposed to be a list of the things I want, and I want this hole in the hardwood floor the way Gandhi wanted peace. The way the dog wants to lick my face. The way my mother wants me to stop pulling off her eyeglasses.

The rest: http://theuglyvolvo.com/2013/12/10/a-ten-month-olds-letter-to-santa/

...so worth the ride. Enjoy.

[Wait Wut]

1. Heh...

...I assume you're learning these things from first hand experience, now.

It's been a long time, but I still remember. You tell yourself before 'that age' that you won't be one of those parents that uses "No!" in every breath, but then...they start putting everything they can grab into their mouths.

[Arkansas Granny]

2. So true, so true.