On MFM and the nature of on-line friendships...

[CaliforniaPeggy]

So now yet another one of my on-line friends is gone, with only his memories left in my mind.

I've been so very fortunate to have had several close on-line friendships. The world of the net is a fascinating place. You can know people all over the globe, people who speak other languages, eat foods that you've never heard of and who enjoy sports or movies or games that are new to you.

And yet they're online, and accessible to you. So you talk to each other and then you're friends. You like how the other person thinks, what they have to say, and you respect them for all the cool things they bring you. And they respect you for the same things.

But they're online, so you might never hear them speak, or give them a hug, or go for a walk together.

And one day they might die, and then what? Of course, you grieve. It's hard because not everybody understands the nature of these friendships. In some ways, these friendships aren't exactly "real." But the world is changing...


I've had 3 close on-line friends, and all of them are dead now, long before they should have been. I miss them horribly. We spoke via threads, via PM and over the phone. I treasure their memories and all the gifts they brought me.

Jim (MFM), Redstone, Khashka. God, how lucky I was to have these magnificent, intelligent, funny people in my life. We helped each other, laughed with each other, enjoyed each others company.

Always remember to tell the people you love that you love them. You might not get another chance.

May all these magnificent men rest in peace...Maybe there's a DU corner in heaven? I don't really believe in heaven, but right now, the thought of these 3 men sitting around together, laughing and talking, gives me comfort.

[CaliforniaPeggy]

1. Thank you all for the recommendations...

[dixiegrrrrl]

2. I hear ya, Peggy.

Online friendships are just as real as face to face.
In fact....that is how Mr. dixie and i met, 15 years ago! Cross country at that.

I cherish the several DU people who have become my close friends, even tho we have not met, I feel we know each other petty well.
And even tho I did not know MFM "up close and personal" his was such a strong presence that his absence is very strongly felt.
Weird, but wonderful at the same time.......

[pinboy3niner]

9. +1000

Online relationships may not be "in-person" but you do get to know people.

I didn't know MFM "IRL," never heard the sound of his voice, but I felt I knew him from online postings and exchanges of comments and a few PMs. And, thanks to the photos he and Kali shared here, I knew what he looked like.

I was surprised at how hard MFM's loss hit me. I've done more than my share of crying and I'm still a bit discombobulated. I may have known him only online, but that was still In Real Life to me. I will miss him a lot.

[yuiyoshida]

3. Nicely done, Peggy San...

I talked to AsahinaKimi... she wanted to share a post MFM posted for her. So funny

http://www.democraticunderground.com/1018449899

Its things like this, that made her day...and he did this kind of things for others. I hope that trend continues with other posters... its a way to honor MFM.

[pacalo]

4. MFM had the type of personality that made us feel as though each of us could have had a special

connection with him. I felt that way & I regret that, at the very least, I never got to talk to him on the phone. I wanted to know what his voice sounded like & to hear him laugh.

His corny humor touched me in a special way: It brought me back to memories of when my life-long best friend & I wrote our own "newspapers" with comical news about our classmates/teachers during class to sell for a quarter during recess. Just as MFM got into trouble every once in awhile, so did my BF & I with the newspapers.

I'm really grieving over losing MFM. He was the brightest spot on DU for me. I loved his positive attitude most. We're all better for having known him.

[livetohike]

5. That was beautiful CalPeggy. I think of all of those we have lost over the years and those

who haven't been around and we are left to wonder if they are gone too. We are a community....those losses are real and hurt.

[GoneOffShore]

6. Ah, Peggy

Now my glasses are all foggy and Mrs GoS is asking what's going on.

I told her about your post. Now she's all fogged up.

[CaliforniaPeggy]

7. Ah, my dear GoneOffShore...

I'm glad I could do that for you both...

[texanwitch]

8. We are all so lucky to have had MFM in the Lounge.

I really did enjoy his posts. Jim had a big heart. I feel like I know a lot of people here. Making friends means that you might loose them. May MFM have peace now. May we all meet in the big lounge in the sky.

[malthaussen]

10. I often wonder what people who think online relationships aren't "real" think is "real,"

... but I can't say I've gotten a satisfactory answer.

But I'm pretty sure anyone who thinks you can't have an online "friend" don't know what the word means.

-- Mal

[MrMickeysMom]

25. Me, too, Mal...

As usual, Peggy makes a good point about the online world. I'd call friendships here no less "3-D" friendships than those folks we work with, or join together with locally, or for a wider common cause.

Our community here may not be 3 dimensional, but I'll just bet there are dimensions of existence we haven't discovered after we leave this world.

That comment wasn't meant to be so esoteric as much as it was to confess my belief in the benefits of knowing someone like our DU friends.

[grantcart]

11. Well said Peggy

[Vashta Nerada]

12. Sometimes it's easy to forget that each username has a real person behind it.

I need to remind myself that behind each user name, behind each message, is a real person, a person with hopes, dreams, desires, and needs, just like everyone else.

I can see that the passing of MiddleFingerMom has affected a lot of people. He must have been a good guy if he had the admiration of a lot of people from here. I didn't know him, but I did see a few of his posts and they made me laugh.

[BlancheSplanchnik]

13. thanks for putting your thoughts down, Peggy...

I wanted to, but I'm feeling pretty inarticulate about it….but I've been deep into listening to Neil Young for some reason. I think because of the shared generation, and the depth of Neil's simple songs….. I dunno. Just rambling, trying to make sense…..

I'm feeling his absence too, like so many others here…so warm and hilarious, and many wise words====compassionate ….and I can pretty safely guess that giving kindness gave him happiness too.


I'm surprised at how sad I am, given that I only had a very few online chats with him. He offered kind words a few times to me, when I was in a lot of pain and very whiney….and I really enjoyed posting something silly back to him on his goofy threads when I could come up with a good one….. lol!

But his character just shines so brightly…I guess that's it.

I miss the guy……


edit to add:
ah ha…I just saw pacalo put it into words:

MFM had the type of personality that made us feel as though each of us could have had a special
connection with him.

yep. He put his caring about you right out there. Even if it was only one conversation, you mattered.


May he move on to his next life refreshed and shining again.

[applegrove]

14. He was a great online peep to many. He found out something about each of us and

then would tease.

[femmocrat]

15. This might be a good time to bring this up again...

and I have been wondering whether to mention it.

A few years ago, there was some discussion about having a memorial "corner" for DUers who have passed away. I remember they needed 10 star members to support it and I did.

Do you remember that, Peggy? I don't mean to highjack your lovely thread, but do you remember whatever became of that idea?

Thanks so much.

[CaliforniaPeggy]

17. I do remember that idea, my dear femmocrat...

I proposed it to the Admins in Ask the Administrators, and they told me they would implement it.

I don't know what happened.

I think they were having trouble figuring out how to do it.


Maybe it's time to bug them again. We need this, and we have needed it for a long time.

Thank you for reminding me, sweetie...

[orleans]

28. i think that's a wonderful idea. n/t

[nolabear]

16. Well done, Peggy. It's a new kind of intimacy. Jim was so good at it. J

I've made and lost a few good friends over the last twenty or so years too. They were all smart, had the gift of gab and a real delight in the world that they lived to share. I learned and laughed and cried and got mad along with them all, as I do a select few others.

And without exception they were kind. They might argue with you, but had no interest in shaming you or being cruel. There are a lot of people who are happy to do that, but I can't imagine they often fall into the category of friend. I'll remember Jim the way I would a neighbor. A special one.

[polly7]

18. Thank you Peggy for being such a good friend to him.

I'd hate to think that without you and Kali, we'd never have gotten the chance here to try to help him keep his spirits up when he was so ill .... and that, hopefully, he knew how many people cared. You're both angels here on earth.

[Scuba]

19. Truth. Thanks Peggy.

[riqster]

20. Love is love, regardless of the medium in which it exists.

Friendship, connection, intimacy, all can be experienced by any number of channels.

I am glad you had those relationships, and am sorry for your loss.

[n2doc]

21. Relationships are what make us complete humans

Really, money, fame, etc., mean nothing when it comes to making us whole. It is the act of communicating with others we love, like, and trust, that makes us complete. If one is lucky to have a circle of friends that are close enough to really oven up to, what more can one ask out of life?

[WheelWalker]

22. Right on

[tavernier]

23. I will be in London in March

for a sixth reunion of another website I belong to devoted to film and theater. There will be friends from the UK, Ireland, Estonia, Paris, Prague, Holland, Canada and the USA. We have met before in the UK, Toronto, NYC, Dublin, Key Largo (I hosted), Virginia, and Dallas.

We are now like family, and might even have a serious relationship going between two of our adult children who met because of our group.

We have yet to lose a friend, but it will be devastating when it happens!

Your post is so true- thanks for putting your feelings into words.

[warrior1]

24. I will miss him.

[MrMickeysMom]

26. He sure enriched my life here, Peggy...

Well put… Thanks for putting those words down for us.

[CherokeeDem]

27. I treasure my on-line friends....

I am so fortunate to have met three women, one in Oregon, one in France and one in Scotland that have become precious to me. We chat and email online, we Facebook, we talk over the phone, and we plan to meet someday. We have gone through so much... first a fandom we all loved brought us together, but then a close friendship developed that has seen us through the death of parents, breast cancer, other health scares, financial woes, job losses, and fortunately, some good times.

I wouldn't trade them for the world. While the I am not as close to the people on DU, when you interact or even simply read the words of the same people over time, you cannot help but be concerned when they are ill or in trouble, and happy when the good things in life come to them.

This has to prove that online relationships are not as impersonal as we perceived... sometimes it is so much more.

[Patiod]

29. So sorry, my dear CP

I haven't been on DU a lot lately - no reason - probably just too much keyboard time at work. Somehow I missed that Redstone had died, which breaks my heart. At one point, he lived in the same small town in SE PA where I lived, and we chatted about that.

I'll miss MFMs lounge silliness.

So sorry that you've lost these folks, CP.

On a happier note, I don't know if you remember JulieRB, who used to be a regular (and moderator) here, but she just had her first book published! I think she was another one spending too much time at the keyboard for work to spend free time doing anything online.

http://www.amazon.com/Blitzing-Emily-Love-Football-Novel-ebook/dp/B00DB3AA3A

[HappyMe]

30. Very well said.

I can't believe he's gone.





I hate stuff like this.