So apparently there's a wrong way to eat at a Chinese buffet and it offended my friend

[Arcanetrance]

A friend of mine treated me to lunch today in return to picking up a check last week. He took me to a Chinese buffet now admittedly I'm not a huge fan of buffets to begin with. But I appreciated the time out of the house we went and I grabbed a plate of the string beans and some rice and ate that. In my defense even when I order take out I usually get the sautéed string beans I happen to like them alot. Well he felt I wasn't enjoying myself and was kind of offended. I apologized to him and told him that I just wasn't feeling well today. Is there really an etiquette that says if I get treated to a buffet I have to overeat.

[Systematic Chaos]

1. I'm a low-fat vegan. Rice and green beans are a couple of my mainstays.

The better Asian buffets here in my town offer sauteed garlic string beans which are to die for, but sadly they're rather oily.

I can eat them, along with some rice and maybe a few mussels if I'm really going off the rails, and call that an awesome meal.

Ask your friend to please chill out. It's not how much you consume at a buffet, it's the selection and the chance to grab your own food and have fun socializing!

[Arcanetrance]

2. I think alot of it had to do with him eating like 5 plates

and me eating 1 with a second plate of fruit

[Systematic Chaos]

3. My last buffet trip was last summer, about a month before my nasty leg issues.

It was a dinner at a nearby Chinese buffet (and not one of the real good ones I mentioned, either -- but good enough) for my wife and I to celebrate our decision to move to a new apartment, plus my having a new mobility chair.

I was right around 330 lbs. with both legs still attached, and my whole dinner was one plate, about a quarter of a second plate, and a soft-serve ice yogurt cone on our way out the door.

I could do 3 plates maximum at my heaviest, which was just under 520. How the hell does your friend not have his own time zone???

[Arcanetrance]

4. He's at 420 and having blood pressure issues but thinks doctors are full of crap

He also lives by the philosophy he'd rather die at 30 eating what he wants how he wants than live til 80 having to watch it

[Systematic Chaos]

5. Well then, you can also refer him to me and I can tell him what he's in for in 10 years.

Severe diabetes, sleep apnea so bad my breathing stopped over 90 times in the first hour of my sleep study with blood oxygen at 72%, bloated thighs with a blocked lymphatic system, ulcers...the fun just doesn't fucking stop.

And if he's really up for an adventure, he can wait until the worst of it is already in effect to really get serious about changing his diet and trying to lose weight, and it will surely help but by that point he can kiss goodbye to any sort of return to a normal life.

Also, massive stroke victims who sit drooling in the corner of the nursing home all day tend to hang on for a while.

Food addiction sucks but I wouldn't wish what I've been through on anyone, really.

[Arcanetrance]

6. Damn I hope you're able to get back into good health.

Food addiction does suck I have issues with it. I try my hardest when I get a craving to reach for some kind of fruit or veggie

[DebJ]

20. Kills your kidneys, too. That's where my husband is today after

carrying around an extra 120 lbs for 40 years on his 6'7" frame. It wasn't just the total weight,
which of itself screws your blood pressure and can damage kidneys. It was also the absolutely enormous
sodium intake, since what he was eating way too much of was highly salted and then he'd add salt. To pizza.
To spaghetti sauce out of a jar. To everything, in huge quantities. When his kidneys were diagnosed, I started
tracking what he ate and found out he was ingesting about 6000 mg a day of sodium, or three days worth every
day. Ketchup on everything, too, tons of sodium there. 8 servings of bread a day...bread is where most Americans
get most of their salt. At almost 200 mg a serving, he was getting 1600 mg a day just in bread, and that is plenty
of sodium for an entire day. Then you add cheese and ketchup.........whew.

Now he is on a severely restricted diet. And now, he can actually ENJOY a salty taste, because his taste buds
have adjusted. People feel sorry for him because of the restrictions in his diet, and he can't ever eat at a restaurant
ever again (I call them Salt Palaces). But in reality, he ate a lifetime worth of everything else already, he just
did it all in his first 60 years. in other words, he didn't miss out on anything here, he just did it all at once.

[Chan790]

32. Adding salt to pasta sauce?!

Most of the jarred and canned stuff has too much salt in it off-the-shelf; they use a lot of salt because it's cheap, acts as a preservative and reduces the need to use higher-quality more-expensive spices like basil and oregano. The average jar of pasta sauce contains more than an entire DV% of sodium.

I used to take the jarred sauce, cut it with tomato juice at about a 1:1-ratio and then reduce it by a third in order to cut the salt content.

If he's still in love with salt, try supplementing his salt usage with Nu-salt (Potassium Chloride) in cooked foods and something like gomasio for a table-salt. Gomasio is a Japanese seasoning with a nutty salty flavor...it contains salt but somewhere between 1/5 and 1/15 as much salt per tsp. You can make you own gomasio...it's just ground toasted sesame seeds and salt. Most recipes will tell you you need to grind it in a spice grinder, but I usually just pour it directly into a pepper-mill once cooled to room temperature and grind it to need.

Gomasio Recipe: http://www.finecooking.com/recipes/sesame-salt-gomasio.aspx

[DebJ]

33. Thanks but no one should use Nu-salt without a doctor's okay.

He did and the KCl caused additional kidney damage. It's not just salt, it is also the balance
of potassium/magnesium/sodium etc that is impacted and it can be dangerous, especially if
one is on a drug like Lisinopril for high blood pressure, which can cause retention of potassium.

My husband's taste buds have completely reverted to 'normal'. Problem with salt is that the more
you use, the more you want for the kick. Within two weeks of his low salt diet, it took very little
salt for him to get the kick.

Meanwhile, now, because he has already wrecked his kidneys (only 32% function left), tomato sauce
is a no-no because it is extremely high in potassium.

[Arcanetrance]

38. When I use salt I tend to use kosher salt it does the trick and I don't add

as much as other salt. It also doesn't seem to raise my dad's blood pressure.

[RebelOne]

41. I have high blood pressure and try to watch my salt intake,

so I use Morton's Lite Salt. It has 50% less sodium than table salt.

[nomorenomore08]

18. 520? Holy shit, I'm sorry to hear that! Must've been pretty awful.

Even being "chunky" - about 210 right now at just under 5-9 - has its drawbacks for me. But I can't even imagine having to deal with a situation like that.

[Chan790]

9. That might be the issue.

I don't live up that way anymore but my recollection from when I lived in NYC was that the Chinese buffet was like $16pp for lunch plus beverages, which probably means it's $20 now. He may feel that he didn't get his money's worth; I'd feel that way, like if you didn't want the Chinese buffet or weren't hungry that you should have said something before going to the Chinese buffet and he'd have chosen something else.

I mean I can see both sides of it there. No, going to the Chinese buffet doesn't require you to overeat but if you're not going to overeat, it may make more sense to eat at even a high-end Chinese restaurant at 50-75% the price.

[Arcanetrance]

10. That's where he wanted to go and I didn't want to be difficult

Maybe I should have said something

[Chan790]

11. Nah, that's on his then.

I read the entire thread after I posted, I think there may be a simpler explanation.

Seeing you eat responsibly may make him feel guilty about his gluttony, especially if other people are on him about his weight. At my largest, I used to hate-eat. I'd be like "I should probably stop but there's food left and I'm already a fat-ass."

[FatBuddy]

24. i wouldn't have been mad at you

but i would have been disappointed. you made a mockery of the buffet.

[anasv]

26. mussels= not vegan

[Systematic Chaos]

43. Yes, I know.

Meat or dairy creep into my diet as a celebration thing only. 4 times per year, only exception being this past few months when we were so flat broke we had to take some food donations from friends. Had meat twice in one week because it was that or not eat. I'll tell you what, after what that did to my digestion my choice next time will be to not eat. Once your body is used to being away from it, it will fuck your system but good.

[LynneSin]

7. I won't do those buffets

I call them bacteria buffets. Only way I might go is if we get there right before the doors open so we're first to get the food. Usually after it's picked over an hour later the stuff just grosses me out.

[FatBuddy]

25. there is bacteria on EVERYTHING

even on your own hands, AS WE SPEAK.

[LynneSin]

29. You do realize I know that and it has absolutely NOTHING to do with that.

Not only is there bacteria on my hands but there is bacteria that is actually beneficial that if i managed to kill it - it could do harm to my body. In fact I have so much respect for the good bacteria on my body that I refuse to use Hand Sanitizer unless there is no way I can wash my hands after using the bathroom (like a portapottie).

What I'm referring to about the Bacteria Buffet is the years of gross habits I have observed going to them. People who treat these buffets like they are their own personal feed lines. And I've seen some gross habits of the employees at these things too. I had a friend who loved going to buffets and to me I would just get disgusted by the conditions of some of these places, the look of the food (which when they sell this stuff for so cheap you know the quality of food isn't that great) and how people think it's ok to taste the food on the line or they're all coughing as they get their food.

I realize that I could eat at a regular restaurant and not realize what disgusting things are happening behind the doors in the kitchen but at least it's only the kitchen I'm concerned about and not the actions of other guest and what they might have done to the food.

[elleng]

8. No and, imo,

he was rude to you.

Sorry.

I like the green beans too.

[OriginalGeek]

12. I have a big friend too

and I'm no petunia (I'm 230lbs and he's pushing 4 bills) - we used to joke that if the buffet manager wasn't crying at the end of our stay then we hadn't done our job.

Thankfully we got over that and try not to go nuts at buffets. The first step is in not going to buffets. I can understand your friend joking about not getting his money's worth but being truly offended is pretty silly. But like Chan said - he might have felt guilty and wanted a partner in crime...

But man we used to love those Mongolian BBQs...especially if they had a lot of sauce to mix and match...for some reason, those always seemed safer than just a pans of food already cooked sitting there festering in baby snot and kid's poop fingers.

[Arcanetrance]

14. I love those Mongolian places where you make your own dish

[Brigid]

16. I've never been to one of those.

What are they like?

[Arcanetrance]

28. They're pretty cool but can become expensive quick

You go through a line pick whatever protein you want, if you want noodles or rice, what veggies than the type of sauce you want it all cooked in.

[OriginalGeek]

37. Yeah they are great

the ones here are buffet style - all you care to eat - just keep going through the line. They have a freezer with thinly sliced beef and chicken (maybe pork too but I never got that) and then a section with noodles and veggies (broccoli, bamboo shoots, bean sprouts, water chestnuts, green peppers, carrots, celery, bok choi (if it's really nice or just plain cabbage) and other standard Asian type veggies (At least, when I say that, I mean what Americans are used to in Chinese/Asian food - I wouldn't presume to know what real Asians eat on a daily basis). Then there's a section that usually has several broth type mixtures - sesame oil, garlic broth, brown stuff (lol) and at least one or two broths of varying degrees of chili pepper hotness. You go through and put what you like in the bowl and hand it to the BBQ chef who has a giant flat griddle and he cooks up your selected ingredients while you watch - it only takes a minute or two as everything is sliced very thin - and he hands it back to you on a plate and you go stuff your face. I loved that. He usually has several plates going in different spots on the griddle top and cleans off the spot every time in between plates.

There is usually a tip jar at the BBQ station and I always throw a buck in per plate so I try to make sure I stuff my plate as full as possible to lessen the trips through the line. Not saying you have to do that but that's what I expect when I go so I know up front to have some dollars for the chef.

[malthaussen]

13. Personally, I always load up on string beans at a Chinese buffet.

No such etiquette exists, anyway. I can understand worrying you might not be enjoying yourself if you weren't eating much, but not being offended that you weren't eating much.

-- Mal

[struggle4progress]

15. I usually start a buffet with a large plate of salad and veggies

[Dash87]

17. I haven't been to the buffet in at least 10 yrs. They're nasty.

Imagine all of the little kids digging their hands into the food and sneezing into it. Gross!

To answer your question, no. That seems weird. I don't think there's a social convention that you must stuff yourself at a buffet when you don't want to. That seems silly.

[FatBuddy]

23. anti-buffet bigotry

sneezeguard technology has advanced 20 fold since the 1980s.

[LynneSin]

30. It doesn't stop people from being gross

seriously! Do you run a buffet or something?

[FatBuddy]

31. I am a plant from the United Buffet Operators Trade Association

[DebJ]

19. His response seems much like what people do with me often in social situations.

I don't drink; I choose not to because my body just can't get rid of alcohol or (other) drugs as it should...it takes
days to get rid of what most people eliminate in hours. Whatever MY reasons are, I choose to not drink. I don't tell
them to not drink; I just enjoy my soda and enjoy their company. But this seems to absolutely drive people who
drink nuts. For about 6 years I was subjected to friends and my husband pushing, pushing, pushing me to drink.
Now with advancing age, they have slowed down and thank goodness they finally leave me alone. But it got to
the point of real annoyance. If I had pushed them to NOT drink, that would have been different.

[pipi_k]

39. That used to happen

to me a lot, too, with my second husband, who was a drinker.

He drank a lot. So did his friends. There was this bar/restaurant near the house that we went to a lot. Nice place. Most times I wouldn't drink at all, although I would have a Grasshopper on occasion. I could make one of those last over an hour.

One time I had finished my drink and one of hubby's friends asked me did I want another. I said, no thank you. The friend sent one over anyway. I left it on the table, untouched. Hubby said I was being rude. I said, no...when I say, "No thank you" it doesn't mean ignore me like I'm too stupid to know what I want or don't want.

And then, other times, I didn't want a drink at all and I'm being pressured to have "just one" by people who can't understand that not everyone needs to drink to have a good time.

[jakeXT]

21. Start with a dessert /nt

[FatBuddy]

22. since i'm a fatbuddy

i likes my buffets.

i had one chinese buffet owner berate me for the amount i was eating.

he seriously told me the following:

"You eat out of spite! you don't know what buffet means! It means eat all you take, take all you eat, but don't eat it all!"

I was humiliated.

[Arcanetrance]

27. That's wrong no one has a right to humiliate anyone

I've never been a huge buffet fan especially Chinese buffets. Usually the product served doesn't do the dish justice.

[lame54]

34. Buffet etiquette - not only are you supposed to each as much as you can - you're supposed to...

bring a big coat with lots of foil lined pockets

[sir pball]

35. Not one to judge but I'm the exact opposite at Chinese buffets.

Quality tends to be, well, utter shit (then again, most takeout isn't any better. High-class Chinese is hard to find outside NYC)...but that doesn't stop me from eating anywhere from four to seven plates. Mostly protein-heavy, umami-rich deliciousness. As in a single dish heaped with beef and broccoli, followed by halvsies of sesame chicken and crab wontons, then another single plate of just lo mein, then maybe the "Japanese Grill" and more wontons with some peanut chicken, and on and on and on. When I lived in Maine the local place had $4.99 lunch on Tuesdays which happened to be my day off...this was a weekly thing.

And before you judge, I'm 5'10 and a slightly heavy 162 as of this morning

[Arcanetrance]

36. I won't ever judge anyone on what they like to eat or weight it seems childish

The funny thing is I didn't really eat anything different than I would if I ordered from my regular Chinese take out places. I like the sautéed string beans with bean curd and rice.

[dipsydoodle]

40. Chinese buffets don't change the how much I eat :

just maybe what I eat. I never eat much in one go anyway - makes me feel uncomfortable.

[goldent]

42. I try to pace my eating not to finish well before other people, so I don't have to

sit and watch them eat. Can be hard to do in your case, since you don't know how many times he'll go back for more. I might have went back for a few more green beans, to eat at an extremely slow rate.