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Related: Culture Forums, Support ForumsA SOUTHERNER MOVES UP NORTH
A SOUTHERNER MOVES UP NORTH
http://www.mindspring.com/~toxiccow/14_0378.htm
JAN 10 5:00 PM. It's starting to snow. The first snow of the season and
the first one we've seen in years. The wife and I took our hot buttered
rums and sat by the picture window, watching the soft flakes drift down,
clinging to the trees and covering the ground. It was beautiful!
Jan 11 We awoke to a lovely blanket of crystal white covering the
landscape. What a fantastic sight. Every tree and shrub covered with a
beautiful white mantle. I shoveled snow for the first time in years, and
loved it. I did both our driveway and our sidewalk. Later a city
snowplow came along and accidentally covered up our driveway with
compacted snow from the street. The driver smiled and waved. I waved
back and shoveled it again.
Jan 12 It snowed an additional 5 inches last night and the temperature has
dropped to about 11 degrees. Several limbs on the trees and shrubs
snapped due to the weight of the snow. I shoveled our driveway again.
Shortly afterwards, the snowplow came by and did his trick again. Much of
the snow is now brownish-gray.
Jan 13 Warmed up enough during the day to create some slush which soon
became ice when the temperature dropped again. Bought snow tires for both
cars. Fell on my ass in the driveway. $145 to a chiropractor, but
nothing was broken. More snow and ice expected.
Jan 14 Still cold. Sold the wife's car and bought a 4x4 in order to get
to work. Slid into a guardrail anyway, and did considerable amounts of
damage to the right quarter panel. Had another 8 inches of the white shit
last night. Both vehicles covered in salt and crud. More shoveling in
store for me today. That goddamn snowplow came by twice today.
Jan 15 2 degrees outside. More fuckin' snow. Not a tree or shrub on our
property that hasn't been damaged. Power was off most of the night.
Tried to keep from freezing to death with candies and a kerosene heater,
which tipped over and nearly burned the house down. I managed to put the
flames out but suffered 2nd degree burns on my hands and lost all my
eyelashes and eyebrows. 4x4 slid on the ice on the way to the
emergency-room and was totaled.
Jan 16 Goddamn mother fuckin' white shit keeps coming down. Have to put
all the clothes on we own just to get to the fuckin' mailbox. If I ever
catch that son-of-a-bitch that drives the snowplow I'll chew open his
chest and rip out his heart. I think he hides around the corner and waits
to plow shut our driveway again. Power still off. Toilet froze and part
of the roof has started to cave in.
Jan 17 Six goddamn more fuckin' inches of fuckin' snow and fuckin'
sleet, fuckin' ice and goddamn knows what other kind of white fuckin'
shit fell last night. I wounded the fuckin' snowplow asshole with an ice
axe, but he got away. Wife left me. Car won't start. I think I'm going
snowblind. I can't move my toes. Haven't seen the sun in weeks. More
snow predicted. Wind Chill -22 fuckin' degrees. I'm moving back to
North Carolina!
sarge43
(28,941 posts)Should have added "snowplow knocked down mailbox again".
Scuba
(53,475 posts)Up North it starts snowing in October, not January.
and doesn't warm up until june !!
Historic NY
(37,449 posts)Dawgs
(14,755 posts)mgardener
(1,816 posts)It was minus 16 yesterday and we are expecting 6-12 inches of snow today.
The snowman we made before Christmas just gets bigger and bigger!
intheflow
(28,466 posts)Must have been in... 1996? '97? It wasn't about a Southerner moving north, it was about a New Englander with the first snow of the season, which is where I lived at the time. And I'm pretty sure the final punchline was, "I'm moving to Florida!" But all-in-all, the same joke almost word for word. Described the winter we were having that year to a T! Which was probably the seed of my looking to move some place where the snow doesn't hang around quite so stubbornly. (Where I now live.
DamnYankeeInHouston
(1,365 posts)Dustlawyer
(10,495 posts)evemac
(132 posts)We just moved from Texas to Colorado, and I never got to the "hot buttered rum" stage. I went straight to the "salt and crud" part!
lillypaddle
(9,580 posts)Now THAT'S funny!
Historic NY
(37,449 posts)on my truck fender wells.
Philly Cowboy
(35 posts)is what we mid-westerners call car turds.
kmlisle
(276 posts)Javaman
(62,530 posts)they get freaked out over a cold weather that might last 2 to 3 weeks.
try that shit for 6+ months, then get back to me.
I moved away from that crap as soon as I could.
there is an old joke up where I grew up. Only three things happen in the winter: drinkin', screwin' and killin'.
long winters with no sun make people do crazy ass shit.
I recall looking out my front window around this time of the year and seeing everything frozen solid. Ordinarily, those not from around those parts would think, "my, what a beautiful scene". Me? I thought, "cripes, 3 more months if this crap".
but don't get me completely wrong, bad weather is bad weather and needs to be respected.
To those of you who are stuck in this mess, keep warm, keep safe. And count your digits; you don't want to lose any to frost bite. Been there, done that, almost lost a toe to complete stupidity.
Blue_Tires
(55,445 posts)about the year this Virginian spent in Providence (I was a DUer even then, so some version of it may be buried in the archives...)
I'm just going to skip to the ending and say it involved me using a mop to dig my car out...