Do you think you are attractive?

[Puzzledtraveller]

I have always believed I was fairly attractive. I have and still do lend more weight to the aspects of my appearance for which I have a negative self image. Believing those things to be readily apparent to others and being suspect when other people fail to recognize my perceived flaws as if they are just patronizing me. How many times will it take for people to tell me I'm good looking before I begin to believe them?

Notwithstanding that beauty is in the eye of the beholder I ask the question.

[Gidney N Cloyd]

1. In retrospect, I was damned cute in my late teens and 20's.

I was also a rather homely kid. I was far less convinced of either at the time than I am now, as I look back from my fifties.

[Puzzledtraveller]

2. Likewise

I was far less convinced in my youth. I had been teased that I had big ears early in my childhood so that is most of what I saw in myself believing those that didn't see the same to be insincere or patronizing. It was much later that I had begun to realize that how I saw myself was not how others saw me at all. Like many people I looked at my success with the desired sex as being the metric. Looking back from 40 I realize I did quite well. Still, there is that part of me that thinks these people need glasses.

[Vashta Nerada]

3. I've been told numerous times I'm cute.

But I don't think I'm attractive. I see a different person in the mirror than what everyone else sees.

[IrishAyes]

27. Most of us do.

I've just found that the less we dwell on it, the happier we are.

[Kali]

4. I was in my 20s

now I am middle-aged, female, heavy - in other words pretty much invisible.

and in some ways I kind of like it.

[GreenEyedLefty]

22. That's me. Invisible...

Although people really seem to like me once they get to know me.

I have a dirty mind, a potty mouth and a great sense of humor.

[Raine1967]

5. I did not appreciate my youth.

I was attractive, at the time I didn't think I was.

At the time I thought i was fat and ugly. I think I am attractive -- it is no longer based upon my looks. you ask a very good question that is worthy of discussion.

[Puzzledtraveller]

6. It goes deep

In obvious ways but more so in ways that we do not notice. I often wonder how our self image effects our attitudes and beliefs.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

7. yes, i do. nt

[hunter]

70. Hmmm... how to comment here???

Is there any safe "politically correct" way?

Probably not.

Many would agree with your self-assessment.

Everyone is beautiful and that's the wonderful world I choose to live in... but sometimes it's very easy to see it.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

80. ha! thanks. I think women so often are expected to belittle their appearance

so i have quit pretending that i am not attractive. it insults those who are not, and denies the privileges that i garner from being attractive



thanks though

[Rhythm]

87. Plus, you're right...

[La Lioness Priyanka]

91. aww thanks rhythm

long time no see

[Rhythm]

94. Yeah... it's been a bit, hasn't it?

How's the Big Apple?
And more importantly, how're YOU?

[Neoma]

8. Sometimes I do, sometimes I don't.

It depends on the day.

[loli phabay]

10. and the light or lack of it. ;)

[geardaddy]

62. +1

[loli phabay]

9. as ive aged ive become more so, always had a good physique and have what is considered a

good facial features. but honestly as one said its in the eye of the beholder. One mans lamb is another mans mutton.

[hobbit709]

11. I have no such illusions.

[Tobin S.]

12. I guess I'm pretty good lookin' for a fat guy.

My wife is attracted to me and it really doesn't concern me beyond that. I look into people, not at them.

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

13. No, but I'm old so it doesn't matter any more.

I just try to stay clean and neat and not scare people.

[mwdem]

28. You and me both!

[edbermac]

14. Yes, it's just my mind that's dirty.

[OriginalGeek]

15. I was a hundred pounds ago.

Now I'm losing and gaining hair in all the wrong places for each and even moderate cleaning up nicely is tougher to do.


Although I do think I still have exquisitely shaped feet. Very narrow size ten with beautifully proportional toes and a high arch.

Sometimes I wish I was foot fetishist so I could admire them more.

[In_The_Wind]

16. On a good day, yes.

I'm not as attractive as when I was younger because late in 2001 my face became partially paralyzed. On days when I've not had a good nights rest it shows more.

However, the inner me is so much more beautiful than my physical beauty ever was.

[Aristus]

17. Let's put it this way:

I like the way I look a lot more than I used to.

But the adjective 'attractive' encompasses so much more than looks.

For example, purely from a looks standpoint, I think S.E. Cupp is ragingly hot. But her personality and her nasty political beliefs negate that, and she becomes much less attractive in my eyes.

I'm no George Clooney or Brad Pitt, but I'm well-groomed, well-dressed, friendly, polite, and a good conversationalist. I think those qualities have helped me go as far as I have with the women in my life up to this point than looks alone ever could.

(Oh, and by the way, Lounge: In_The_Wind? ^^^ - smoking hot!... )

[In_The_Wind]

36. You

are a sweetheart.

[Iggo]

18. Oh god no!!!

[yankeepants]

19. I had no idea that I was attractive and this apparently made me more attractive

I just barreled through life sans make-up or too much attention to appearance and I was told later that that was the thing that made me most appealing. Go figure.

[rug]

20. I can't keep my hands off myself.

[Skittles]

24. I WILL KICK SELF-FEELING RUG ASS

me, I'm in my 50's and guys in their 30's still ask me out.......YEE HAW

[rug]

25. Geez, give me a minute . . . .

[Arcanetrance]

21. Nope in fact I've been told by many I'm the opposite of attractive

[chrisa]

58. Well what do they know?

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

[Rhythm]

88. I saw the pic you posted the other day... i'd disagree...

Objectively, you're not a bad looking guy...
and judging by the ST t-shirt, the guitar, and the surrounding posters and whatnot, i'd say you'd probably be a hell of a lot of fun to hang out with :-D

[alarimer]

23. Not by the normally accepted standards, anyway.

I have short hair, don't wear makeup and don't shave most of the time (my legs at least).

Last year, following a breakup, I went on OKcupid and rarely, if ever, got a response. I'm guessing my photo was not attractive to most guys. I kept telling myself that it was because I was too smart for them, but I'm not sure I really believe that either.

I have always had this "problem". Now that I'm over 40, I guess I'm much more invisible too.

Since I got back together with my boyfriend, it's all academic. We're attractive to each other, just as we are.

[loli phabay]

29. not for you but for others, never pick your picture for dating sites

have someone else do it for you, inevitably the pic you choose will not be a good one.

[alarimer]

31. I hate all pictures of myself.

I don't even like looking in the mirror. It doesn't matter anymore. I'm through with dating sites at any rate.

[loli phabay]

34. thats why i say if anyone does do the online dating get someone else to pick your picture

[Puzzledtraveller]

42. Never thought about that but it makes sense.

[alarimer]

82. It does make sense

And if I ever find myself in that situation again, I may try it.

[loli phabay]

83. yup, you just have to look at any picture thread online, people always post really bad pics

of themselves, as we see the pic through different perspectives than others do. classic is usually a pic of you laughing as you see the pic and remember being happy whereas another party looks at it and sees an awful visage.

[In_The_Wind]

54. As one who did online dating: that is excellent advice.

[IrishAyes]

26. To everything a season...

In my youth I just assumed (no doubt falsely) that the perks I enjoyed were simply the way things were supposed to work and always would. My ex was military, so we moved a LOT; but when I wanted a good job, I just looked in the paper, picked out the one I preferred, and applied with every assurance of acceptance. So you can tell I'm old now because I don't think anybody has it that easy these days.

Sort of mid-term, I visited my son's high school once and a teacher caught me in the hall w/o a pass and dragged me to the principal's office. Long hair, shorts and tee, sandals, no makeup. And my hysterical cackling didn't do my case any good.

Now I'm old enough to be retired and am still perceived as much younger than I am, which makes some women catty jealous. But I look my very best w/o my eyeglasses on and with the lights off. One reason besides short stature that people mistake me for younger than I am is because I dress just about the same way as I always have - a bit bohemian, not like the little old lady I am. No polyester, no heels, little if any makeup, etc. Winter uniform: sweats. Mild weather uniform: jeans and turtlenecks. Summer uniform: tees and shorts, often a hippy type dress on Sundays. Sandals until it's below 60 degrees outside. I don't dress at all the way a MidWestern female is expected to look at my age.

[pink-o]

30. Just found a pic of myself when I was 25...

And 34 years later, I honestly think I'm more attractive now! 'Course, back then I dressed all Goth rock star, was a drama queen and was sarcastic and insecure. Now, I'm approachable and much kinder and more confident.

But I also think I look better now. Since that pic I got healthy, lost 45 lbs, dress stylishly but still with an arty flare and I found a nice niche as an aging urban woman. My insecurity has always come from being 6'1" and I still don't relish it, but I'm no longer awkward with it.

Bottom line: if you're healthy and energetic and positive, you WILL be attractive!

[Puzzledtraveller]

41. I agree with your "bottom line"

Also, I think with social media it is interesting to see people from your past who you may have thought, were very attractive and you never in your mind at the moment consider how we change over time.

[Boomerproud]

32. No.

Not ugly...but odd looking.

[riderinthestorm]

33. No nt

[sir pball]

35. Think it, yes...believe it, hell no!

I don't consider myself particularly attractive, middling at best. Public opinion seems to be otherwise though, so I'll play along.

Still, no matter how many cute hostesses, servers or bartenders try to make out with me I'll never actually believe it deep down

[Puzzledtraveller]

40. I get that

It causes me to wonder how I look to them. There have been some liaisons I have had where I really could not believe they had anything for me, but hey, no complaints here.

[sir pball]

43. I've learned to accept it, and even use it to my advantage..

..but it's still this weird academic disconnection. I don't have poor self-esteem or anything, I just literally can't see it. No complaints indeed though!

[Sissyk]

37. It doesn't matter how many times people

tell you. It must come from within you.

In my early 20's a terrible, terrible thing happened to me. After I finally healed, I had been through 4 plastic surgeries that left several scars on my face. Most people don't even really notice them. It's not that they pretend to not notice, most of the time they really don't.

My husband thinks I'm beautiful, but he tells me I have inner beauty that shines through my eyes (I love that man). Young girls I meet tell me I'm cute. In their minds, that means I'm an old women but the sparkle and happiness shine through and make me their "old" girlfriend. Our single friends tell my husband that they are going to steal me from him. lol!

But, see. I know it's inner beauty. At 52, I'm more attractive than before the surgeries those many years ago due to maturity, happiness, inner strength, and peace.

You can find it too, Puzzledtraveller. Start with your eyes.

[laundry_queen]

38. I was.

In my late teens and early twenties. My teen girls looked at old pictures of me a few weeks ago and said, "Holy crap, mom, you looked like Jennifer Lawrence!" I don't see it, but I thought that was nice they thought so. I knew I was 'pretty' in the classic sense, but I had serious self-esteem (and other serious) issues at the time.

Now, at 130lbs heavier...I think I look okay for a fat girl...but I don't really care anymore and I find it more free-ing than when I was 20 and thought I looked good.

[frogmarch]

39. I look presentable

when I go out in public. I'm 70 now, so I'm not what could be called attractive, but I have heard myself being described as "pleasant-looking." That's nice and is good enough for me.

[KentuckyWoman]

44. I am physically repulsive. No really.

I was born with deformity which was minimized with surgery. My whole life people either stare in disbelief or look away repulsed.

It hurt beyond all reason as a child. Now in my 60's I've known a few dear souls long enough that they could learn to look beyond the surface.

[Puzzledtraveller]

45. Kentucky here also, Louisville.

Thank you for sharing KentuckyWoman

[LadyHawkAZ]

46. Most of the time

Some days I just feel old.

[progressoid]

47. If it's cute to have thinning hair that looks like bad hair plugs....

then, yes.

[No Vested Interest]

48. No so much, but I have a fairly good self-image.

I was a skinny kid, now too much weight.
But I'm still good enough in my self-image.
On reflection, as a senior now, I think I owe my good self-image to my father, who treated me lovingly when I was young.
Also to the love of my husband, though he was never one to gush compliments re looks.
But when he said I looked nice, I knew he meant it.
We never talked phoniness to each other - that was part of our trust in one another, and it served us well.

[Puzzledtraveller]

74. I like what you said.

I posted the question because I knew the answers were complex and different for all of us and often time the things that shape our self image, even over time go mostly unnoticed. I too was treated lovingly, by both parents, though divorced and equally well with stepparents, friends and family.

[Art_from_Ark]

49. I would like to think of myself as a fine wine

getting better with age

[Blue_In_AK]

50. I think I used to be fairly attractive,

and I'm holding up pretty well for a woman my age. I was blessed with good genes.

[Populist_Prole]

51. In perfect conditions, I'd say yeah.

That is, freshly showered/shaved and on my days off from work, and if it's not windy or hot/humid. I work manual labor outside and generally tend to get disheveled and get grungy fairly easily. I hate windy days: If I don't wear a hat, I'll look like Charles Manson. If I do wear a hat, I'll get "hat head".

[mythology]

52. I am not attractive

which I couple with low self-esteem to make a package deal that women everywhere flock to.

I see myself as uglier than I probably objectively am, but some of that is that I look exactly like my biological dad who most of my life has been spent trying to not be like.

[blueamy66]

53. I think I'm a bit above average.

I am 5'11" tall. I used to hate my height but now embrace it.

It's my personality that attracts guys though, imho. I can talk sports with the best of them.

[Puzzledtraveller]

55. Great responses all.

I have been tossing some theories around in my head for many years pertaining to our individual fears and how they are the greatest inhibitor to our personal growth and progress as individuals.

[chrisa]

56. Wouldn't change myself for the world, except maybe 10 lbs or so. Lol

Everyone should love themselves for who they are, and love what they see in the mirror.

And to the people calling themselves, "invisible" - you're not. Not at all.

[Puzzledtraveller]

57. We definitley can be our own worst critics

I will mutter things to myself while I'm getting ready to go somewhere such as, "I look awful" "I look fat" and my fiance laughs, then proceeds to tell me I look great. We go back and forth like this.

[chrisa]

59. I would be lying if I claimed I wasn't enveloped in a cloak of self-doubt.

Probably even more than others. At the end of the day, though, we are our own worst enemies.

[magical thyme]

60. I've had enough boys and men tell me I'm ugly, including my father,

that I've finally come to accept it.

I don't feel ugly when I look in my bathroom mirror, but I think I've been lucky to have bathrooms with "just right" lighting that minimizes the flaws.

And I don't feel ugly walking around.

[hermetic]

64. That's so sad,

My step-father constantly told me I was ugly. Then I married a wonderful man who always called me 'gorgeous." Sadly, he died.

I'm old enough now to understand that what is on the inside is more important than the outside.

[Puzzledtraveller]

69. I like to believe, and sincerely feel that everyone is beautiful

I have felt this and I know it's real.

[Tuesday Afternoon]

61. yes. n/t

[malthaussen]

63. To whom? n/t

[DFW]

65. Not in the slightest, but nor does it matter

For the last 40 years, the (luckily) near-sighted blonde beauty next to me has chosen to spend her life with me (that's us at age 57, five years ago), and no matter what I was told by the girls in high school and college, I have solid proof that it doesn't matter a bit:

[URL=.html][IMG][/IMG][/URL]

[Puzzledtraveller]

67. You look great, but I know what you mean

I wouldn't believe it either, I never have. Similarly as I have got older I realize it doesn't matter.

[MrMickeysMom]

66. I sure am...

Just ask my husband!

Next episode… knowing how to appreciate this word, "attractive"!

[Puzzledtraveller]

68. My fiance thinks I am too

I tell her the same, neither of us believe the other.

[hunter]

71. There have been times in my life I've been hot...

... other times just a mess.

[6000eliot]

72. Not now. Never was.

[NCTraveler]

73. Might find this interesting.

How women see themselves through a forensic artist.

[Puzzledtraveller]

75. I was waiting for this.

It really is amazing. The heart of the matter.

[NCTraveler]

76. Really needs to be done by two different artists.

Neither knowing they were a part of a project like this. Still, very powerful.

[sibelian]

77. in 2012 there was a sudden rush of people telling me I looked like Daniel Craig.

However, it was accompanied at the same time by a rush of other people telling me I looked like Sheldon Cooper.

So I am VERY confused.

[Puzzledtraveller]

79. Confusing indeed

I have been told I resemble Nicholas Cage on many occasions. I was a corrections officer from 1996 to 2006 and some of the inmates even remarked on the resemblence.

[fizzgig]

78. i'm good looking enough

i feel a bit like a cartoon character some days, but that's part of my charm.

i was pretty darn cute when i was a teenager but spent high school feeling the opposite, i wish i could go back and tell myself that.

[mnhtnbb]

81. When I was in high school I had a boyfriend who thought I resembled

Natalie Wood.

So, yes, I think I was attractive 45 years ago...and I'm not bad looking now for someone
collecting social security.

[trof]

84. No longer. I am old and ugly.

It happens to most of us with age.
Yes, I know some old people who are still attractive, but most of us aren't.

For a time I was attractive.
Possibly even handsome.
In my 20s, 30s, 40s, and even into my 50s.

After 60 things started to go downhill, lookswise.
At near 73 I am not quite grotesque, but definitely no longer 'attractive'.
Such is life.

[Generic Brad]

85. Used to be

But I eventually morphed into an amorphous blob.

[Rhythm]

86. I'm slightly-below-average looking, but with a big personality

I'm middle-aged, overweight, starting to get a few wrinkles, and need some dental work.

But i'm friendly, funny, care about others, and have a huge knight-in-shining-armor complex, so that gets me places in life that my looks won't.

[frwrfpos]

89. Im 6 foot 3 215lbs and have a ponch

Compared to magazine guys Im about a 6-7 in the looks dept. But thats my humble opinion. Fact is, I couldnt give a shit what people think about me. Im not here to impress anyone and it doesnt concern me on a day to day basis. My GF likes me and thats all that matters

[bigwillq]

90. Yes (nt)

[La Lioness Priyanka]

92. aint that the truth

[bigwillq]

93. Aww.

That's sweet.

[Jamaal510]

95. I've been told plenty of times that I am, but

I've been feeling a little insecure about my hairline. My big brother told me that it is starting to look weird, and I noticed it begin to recede a little once I got out of high school. I wish I had enough money to pay for a hairline-lowering surgery so that I can get back to having 360 waves (hairstyle) without my forehead looking big.

[Puzzledtraveller]

98. My hair loss has bothered me more than I would have thought.

It's still there but it's thin and receding. I think I look awful without hair so I can see myself being an avid beanie wearer.

[B Calm]

102. Embrace your baldness, it's your "Solar Sex Plate"

[MrScorpio]

96. I don't give myself the right to judge myself

So it all depends on who you ask.

[Feral Child]

97. I'm a handsome devil.

Seriously. Always have been.

It's a burden...

I'm an oldguy now, though. Retired from Vanity.

[B Calm]

99. Oh hell yes I am! They call me "The Master of Love"

[JonLP24]

100. Sometimes when I look it in the mirror w/ the right lighting

normal lighting my face looks really dry.

[hrmjustin]

101. The boys seem to think so.