Wham, bam, you're dead. No time to say goodbye, no time to leave a note or a voicemail

[DFW]

I just found out that a longtime (like 30 years) friend dropped dead last Tuesday. A heart attack is suspected. He was at home Tuesday night and just dropped lifeless to the floor.

I can't believe this. I had just seen him the week before. Full of life, a creative sorta-workaholic who nonetheless knew every now and then to just shove it all and take off to some converted castle somewhere in Morocco and chill out for a couple of weeks when he felt like it. He lived in Paris, so Morocco was only a 3 hour flight or less. Born in Lebanon, he spoke Arabic, French, decent German and very un-French accented fluent English. He was one of the few guys I could sit down with and talk work, leisure, relationships, private stuff, whatever. We spoke French together, but always tossed in English or German phrases when they fit better into the conversation. He used to teach me occasional Arabic phrases, but I never wrote them down, so I forgot them over the years.

He couldn't get over his cigarette addiction, and he did like to dine like a French gourmet. He wasn't obese, but he was what you might call "slightly stocky." Just bad genes, as I know plenty of guys like that who never had anything. He never got himself checked out, or he might have taken appropriate measures and stayed with us another 30 years. After my cardiac near-miss ten years ago, I sure as hell begged him to often enough. He always said he felt fine, and if he ever felt anything weird, he'd see a doctor. Instead he got to see a mortician.

This sucks royally. This was one of the few guys I was really close to, and he is irreplaceable--to me, to his co-workers, to his family.

If you're over 50, GET YOURSELF CHECKED OUT, even if you feel OK. What the worst news you can get, that you're fine?

[steve2470]

1. so sorry to hear this, and you are so right about over 50 ! nt

[DFW]

2. Everyone thinks they're so goddam immortal

Until they find out they aren't--IF Mother Nature allows them the time to find out!

My friend Michel had about two seconds.

[steve2470]

3. so true

I know this sounds corny but I try to tell my son and my brother I love them every time I see them. You just never know.

[elleng]

4. VERY sorry, DFW,

and very glad you're with us.

[DFW]

15. Thanks, Ellen!

That makes two of us!

[mnhtnbb]

5. I am so sorry to hear this.

Sounds like a terrific guy and a great friend. He will be missed.

Hubby had a friend of his--at 49--go out the same way. One minute he was
working out at a hotel gym and the next minute he was on the ground being
given CPR by surgeons working out next to him. Massive heart attack.
Never had a chance. He had, though, as an ER doc, taken good care
of himself. But he lived a very stressful life.

I am so sorry for the loss of your friend. It's such a shock when someone
who is so full of life is so suddenly gone like that.

[DFW]

14. It is that. No time to prepare.

One week we were having our weekly in-person chat in Paris, and the next week, *poof* he's gone.

I don't think our psyches are constructed in a manner to accept that casually.

[Phentex]

6. I'm so sorry for your loss...

just another reminder of how precious life is.

[DFW]

13. And how fragile! n/t

[Sherman A1]

7. The two other takeaways from this

are

1). Be sure your affairs are in order and that you have stuff documented where it can be found by those who will need to carry on. I just picked up a book called "Before It's Too Late" on the suggestion of another DUer and find it to be very helpful in organizing everything. A Will and Insurance Policies are not enough and frankly there is a whole lot of stuff to write down. I am just on page 10 of the workbook and need to get back on it.

2). Be sure that you tell the folks you love, that you love them and do so often. Tomorrow may not be available you to do so.

[marzipanni]

8. I'm so sorry that you lost one of your closest friends!

"He couldn't get over his cigarette addiction, and he did dine like a French gourmet". Does the French paradox include smoking tobacco- I have the impression many people in France still smoke, and eat rich food. The red wine has a health benefit, I wonder if that gives people a false sense of heart artery health?
http://www.healthassist.net/food/french/french-paradox.shtml

My brothers and I also lost a very close friend we knew since childhood, who died of bladder cancer. He was a smoker since his teen years until he died, a week before he would have turned 61. My cousin dropped dead at 50 (never a smoker) and one of his younger brothers (not a tobacco smoker), was scared, got checked, and had bypass surgery almost immediately, yet the middle brother, a smoker, was checked out and his doctor said so far, so good.

I think much has to do with stress, and how one handles it.

[RebelOne]

10. I definitely think stress has a lot to do with heart attacks and strokes.

I am 75 and have been smoking since I was 16. I also guzzle wine. I had a pre-op examination because I had to have cataract surgery. My tests were fine. My lungs are almost clean and my sugar count was normal. I could not believe those results since I smoke 1-1/2 packs of cigarettes every day and guzzle about 7 or 8 glasses of wine each day.

I think lack of stress, good genes and a good immune system help you live longer. I am also a vegetarian, so do not ingest dead animal flesh.

[DFW]

11. I also believe genetics has plenty to do with it

I inherited high cholesterol, and it killed my mom. So, the second I felt something I though was weird "in there," I sought out a cardiologist ASAP. He told me to drop everything, get to the next cardiac clinic, and he would call ahead. I just thought, huh? ME? But it turned out, yes, YOU! A day later, and I might have become a statistic. I had two forward coronary arteries 99% blocked. I got 2 stents put in, and my wife was summoned the next morning to be told my new dietary restrictions (no more meat from mammals, no more eggs, no more cheese, no more ice cream, nothing more cooked with butter, etc etc etc).

But here I am to tell the tale. Though I lead a life that many would consider stressful (I'm lucky if I can spend more than 36 hours in a row in the same country), I don't let things panic me much, and my blood pressure stays at a near-constant 115/70.

I don't drink alcohol at all, never did, and I gag at the first whiff of tobacco smoke. Smoking ten thousand cigarettes a year is beyond the scope of my imagination, although I realize there people who can get away with that. Of course, if you blindfold a thousand people and tell them to cross the autobahn at rush hour, two or three of them will survive, too. I just don't like the odds.

[bigwillq]

9. I am very sorry for your loss.

[DFW]

12. Thanks. It will take some getting used to.

Thirty years of talking once to four times a week (I'm in Paris a lot, too) suddenly stops with no warning. I know I'll be picking up the phone absentmindedly to call him quite a few times before I remember there won't be anyone on the other end any more.