I have been in an abusive relationship for 1.5 years

[MissMillie]

Today I walked out.

There is nothing he can say or do to get me to go back.

Last year, he hit me in the face and broke my eye glasses.

Last week, he tripped and made me fall.

Every day, he instigates a fight.

Every day, he has something mean to say.

He has never, not once granted me even the smallest of requests--and of course that means I get none of the big stuff I ask for either.

I may not have anywhere to go, but I'm not going back to a worthless POS like him.

[PoliticAverse]

1. Best wishes to you. n/t

[Viva_La_Revolution]

2. good for you!

nobody should be abused. find the number for your local crisis line, they can help you with shelter and other help.

[benld74]

3. Take care of yourself.

[Bucky]

4. Thank you for putting this out there. For ever one brave enough speak up, hundreds more stay silent

I was just going over some of the statements at Project Unbreakable to present to my HS kids in a power point. It's men and women sharing what their attackers said to them while perpetrating sex and abuse crimes. Possibly, Millie, you shouldn't look at it if your wounds are still fresh, but it's a powerful reminder that domestic violence and cruelty is all around us.

Good luck. Don't go through this alone, by the way. You need a support group. Humans are biologically designed by evolution to find healing in social groups. And congratulations on being strong enough to confront the madness and seek out the better something you deserve.

[Tuesday Afternoon]

5. MissMillie,

If there is anything I can do to help you or, if you just need some one to listen, let me know.

Take care of You.

[Raffi Ella]

6. Good for You-

I'm so sorry he did that to you, MM and I'm so glad to know that you are away from him. You deserve so much better.

[siligut]

7. He was holding you down, he will tell you he needs you

He will try to get you back. The only thing you owe him is a kick in the face, but of course you won't do that. You are finally free, it will take some work but it will be worth it. Good luck you are going to be so much more than fine.

[KamaAina]

8. Way to go!

If only I were still in New England...

[Boom Sound 416]

9. Good for you and good luck

And I hope if you find yourself in doubt, you'll come back and read this thread.

[Xyzse]

10. That is brave, and good for you.

There are resources for individuals looking to get out of an abusive relationship.

Around the MD area, I would recommend the Bernie House.

Any how, strength and luck to you.

[shenmue]

11. Mercy

I am proud of you.

[ismnotwasm]

12. ...

[Skittles]

13. MissMillie

good for you, and may I ask, was this the first abusive relationship you had

[MissMillie]

14. Yes

While I've been w/ plenty of men I would call inconsiderate, this is the first one that has been blatantly abusive.

[Skittles]

18. OK then you have done very well to get away

you have experience now, and know better when to bail; yes indeed

now be good to yourself

[steve2470]

15. hugs, take care of yourself in every way possible please nt

[JNelson6563]

16. Let us know how you're doing & if we can help!

Hugs & encouragement!

Julie

[Sanity Claws]

17. Good luck honey

I remember when I left a bad relationship. Within days it felt as though a heavy weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I hope you feel that too. Without that extra burden, you will feel more energetic and be able to move forward in your life.
I truly wish you all the best.

[hamsterjill]

19. Always remember this...

It is HIS loss.

The best of luck to you!

[raccoon]

20. I'm so glad you had the courage to get away from him. nt

[lillypaddle]

21. I know it won't be easy

But in the long run, it will work out for you. Stay strong, stay safe. Find a support group with others in your same position. Don't look back and don't blame yourself.

[Lochloosa]

22. Contact Hubbard House. They will help you.

http://hubbardhouse.org/

And for those so inclined a donation cash or goods for their thrift store always helps.

[CaliforniaPeggy]

23. My dear MissMillie...

Good for you!

You have taken a powerful step.

I am really glad you're taking care of yourself.

[Sherman A1]

24. Best of luck to you

[AAO]

25. If you are anywhere near wisconsin, i could put you up.

Unless you have horns and breath fire and can't use a litter box.

[Solly Mack]

26. Good. Stay away from places (& friends, family) he has access to.

Is there a shelter for women in your town?

If so, go.

Stay strong. Stay away from him. Keep us posted.

I'll be thinking of you.

[libodem]

27. Stay strong

They don't change even if they promise the world.

[Ilsa]

29. Keep going. Your better life is ahead of you now.

Please, please, don't go back. I used to do volunteer work at a shelter. If you can't afford to be on your own yet, find a shelter or friends to stay with.

Please get the help you need, and let him get his own help. I'm sure the contrite talk is just around the corner. Please don't listen to it or believe it.

Hugs and good luck.

[Chalco]

30. Make sure you do not react...

if and when he calls or approaches you, act as if he doesn't exist. Do not react at all. any
emotional reaction, positive or negative, keeps the relationship going.

[sharp_stick]

31. Good For You

I hope all goes well. Leaving a situation like that is an important first step in getting you back in control of your life.

[handmade34]

32. I am happy you made that choice...

don't be hesitant to ask for help if you need it...

[GoCubsGo]

33. I'm glad you got away from that shitbag.

Stay safe.

[Drew Richards]

34. What hasn't been said yet let me say...How can I help you...Let us all know what you need and if

some of us can help we will...

Drew.

[roody]

35. Good for you. Let us know if you need anything.

[Jack Rabbit]

36. Good for you!!

Best wishes on the first day of the rest of your life.

[crim son]

37. That takes courage lasting more than a day.

Please stay strong.

[randr]

38. Do not, repeat DO NOT

Go back. 99% of these asswipes escalate the level of violence each time the victim gives in. I hope you can find a sage haven, maybe with an old friend; if not every community has a safe house and support for women in your situation.
Love yourself.

[catbyte]

39. I'm so proud of you!!! I know you must be scared of the unknown, but you will be happier

without that creep.

[IronLionZion]

40. Good for you!

Stand strong and love yourself.

[Ino]

41. Good for you! Don't look back.

[sobenji]

42. Good luck

I'm sorry and hope it works out for you.
Nobody should be abused.

[LanternWaste]

43. I can only imagine how difficult it must have been...

I can only imagine how difficult it must have been to stay, and how much more difficult it must have been to leave. I'm confident though, that your present shock and feelings of displacement will soon turn to a peace of mind and balance with yourself.

For all it's worth, you have my sincerest and best thoughts coming at you over the course of the next few months.

[lunatica]

44. It was the smartest thing I ever did

Good for you. And may your life improve exponentially!

[yesphan]

45. Way to go MM !

Congrats on making this positive, life changing move.

[RainDog]

46. This is a dangerous moment

Last edited Wed Apr 2, 2014, 06:14 PM - Edit history (1)

I say that to tell you to take care of yourself. Contact the local shelter for abused women to find a place to stay, if needed, and to meet with people who can help you establish yourself apart from the abuser and provide a place where you cannot be contacted.

If he calls, let any call go to messages. If he leaves any threats on your phone messages, save these. If you take court action against him, the calls will show that he is a threat.

Abusers, the stories go, are most dangerous when the person they abused has walked out because they feel desperate. People who feel desperate can do stupid things - and people whose way of being in this world includes abuse will often resort to such.

Even if you do not need to stay at a shelter, if you contact one, they can provide phone numbers for many of the agencies you may find useful in the near future.

No one deserves to be abused.

[LiberalEsto]

67. +100

Excellent advice.

And here's a hug for you, Miss Millie.


Best wishes,
LE

[stg81]

47. good. absolutely the right decision.

[SaveOurDemocracy]

48. Excellent! Everyone deserves better, and he doesn't deserve a strong, courageous...

...woman like you.

Stay strong and please let us know if you need help.

[Ichingcarpenter]

49. You need to get support otherwise

you may not be able to break the co dependency cycle of these psychic vampires.

You made a great step.

When it comes to interpersonal relationships we often see control games, jealousy, and envy which is obviously not love, but expressions and behaviors based on fear and need. 

Love is related to emotions and feelings, but they can be merely based on chemical reactions in the brain that result in a “high”, where people feed off each other which is also be the basis for psychic vampirism. Many relationships are based on this feeding mechanism, which has nothing to do with love, but is a parasitic need resulting in co-dependance. Sexual attraction is also mistaken for love at times. Many people get into relationships for the wrong reasons, be it to escape their loneliness, to fill a hole in their lives or feed off another person. For the most part this happens unconsciously and so people tend to lie to themselves about love and their relationships in many ways, not seeing the other person as he/she is and not even seeing themselves clearly as they are.

To truly love another person we need to see the other as he/she is without trying to change that person. That is the basis for unconditional love, but for that to happen we also need to know ourselves and see us as we truly are , so we don’t fall into the trap of illusory projections which only result in disappointment and hurt once the romantic phase is over.

[mountain grammy]

50. Good luck, my dear. Gather your friends and family and stay strong.

I put up with it for 13 years.. young, dumb, and two kids, but I got out. It's been 33 years and the boys and I have never regretted it for a second, even when we sold furniture to pay bills. I was far from my family, but had great friends.. lucky for me.

Somewhere near you, there's help, don't be too proud to ask. It'll get better, I promise.

I took a lot, but I knew when the asshole voted for Reagan, I was walking.

[toby jo]

52. Good. Kick his bastard ass on the way out the door.

I had one, too, once. Sexy as hell & I swear just as evil. The look in his eyes when he hit me once I'll never forget.

Then they swear they'll change, they promise, they plead, they come back and are good, and then they snap again.
He'll be in jail before long, where he belongs, feeding off his own kind.

[LiberalLovinLug]

53. Good for you

Best of luck going forward

[TBF]

54. Been there -

I want you to check in here every day. It doesn't matter if it's the lounge or just PMing someone here that you like or rec'cing a post. I want to know that you are OK. Deal?

(doing what my brother did to me - it works)

[Rider3]

55. Good for you!

Don't ever let someone hurt you. You deserve much better.

[In_The_Wind]

56. Congratulations. You did the right thing for yourself today.

[Phentex]

57. Do you need anything?

Of course you did the right thing, even though I am sure it was not easy. Please stay safe and let us know if we can help you in any way.

[marzipanni]

58. I just saw a video about domestic abuse

and I was shaking. The page, linked to Upworthy on Facebook, had this message below the video-

"If you're in an abusive situation, visit the National Domestic Violence Hotline's website or call at 800-799-7233."

I hope you have family and/or friends for a place to stay, but I think it would be a good idea, as some others have said, to talk to a counselor.

[mwdem]

59. I know you are a long time du'er...

I think you got a divorce when you started out here? Please take care and find the help you need. So sorry this happened to you, glad you got out.

[Blue Owl]

60. No reason to put up with that shit

You did the right thing!

[Initech]

61. Get out as far away as you can and don't look back.

[gwheezie]

62. You did the right thing

and your life will change because of it. I had to leave everything once, best decision I ever made.

[CFLDem]

63. Congrats on regaining your freedom!

I wish you all the best

[DrewFlorida]

64. Congratulations for taking the action to leave an abusive situation, Best wishes to you!

[R B Garr]

65. I'm sorry you had to go through that,

but you made the right decision. Take care of yourself. I've really enjoyed your lounge posts about the food polls. You seem like a really nice person that would be a pleasure to know.

[pipi_k]

66. Good for you!!

It will be difficult but you can do it


The way I got through the same type of thing was whenever my mind played tricks on me...i.e. Trying to romanticize the past...I would consciously dredge up every mean and rotten thing they ever did or said to me, then I had to convince myself that it would only keep happening if I took him back...which was true

Oh, and I also read "Men Who Hate Women And The Women Who Love Them". It was incredibly helpful for one especially bad relationship

Stay strong...

[Mnemosyne]

68. Stay safe and take good care, MissMillie.

[Joe Shlabotnik]

69. Good for you,

and good luck moving forward.

[Liberal_in_LA]

70. good for u

[niyad]

71. congratulations on this incredibly courageous step. the information and advice given here has

all been excellent, and I hope you will be able to use it. as others have suggested, please check in so that we know you are okay. and, if you need a ready ear, do not hesitate to pm me.

we are all pulling for you, and wishing you every possible success.

[mythology]

72. Congrats on your bravery

And thank you for sharing your story. There are many who need to be reminded that it's not just okay, but you deserve to walk away from an abusive relationship.

Nobody has the right to abuse their significant other.

[Generic Brad]

73. I am so sorry for your pain

And I applaud you for realizing you don't deserve to be hurt - ever.

[tandot]

74. Thanks for breaking the cycle and walking out

My mom was beat severely by my dad for years. We kids watched in horror. My sister got physically and sexually abused, too. I was younger and mostly spared because I was too sick to beat and abuse.

My mom still has pictures of her bruised face and body. That was over 40 years ago. My sister still has emotional and physical scars of the abuse.

I've dumped any guy I dated that I thought had potential to turn into an abuser.

My mom divorced when I was 6 and is married to a fantastic guy... a man that I call dad ... My biological "father" died in 1989 ... I wish I could have confronted him about the abuse but he died before I was brave enough.

Please stay strong and know that you deserve so much better.

[Sarah Ibarruri]

75. MissMillie, I'm so sorry! What held you back? Financial constraints, or the abuse itself?

I'm glad you left!!! Are there any groups in your area that shelter abused women?

[colorado_ufo]

76. Go!

And NEVER look back!

[MrMickeysMom]

77. You keep going, MissMillie… You are SO WORTH IT!

I guess it was time to put the lid on this, so we're here for you.

I think you've gotten great advice, but the main thing is… BELIEVE IN YOURSELF. You are going to be the only one who can love you the best. All love is self-love.

Then, the healing will begin that you need.

[Jenoch]

78. You are very brave.

I wish you luck. I don't have anything to add but I will say that I hope you go to great efforts in seeking assistance for the help you need to get your life miving forward in a positive direction. Godspeed.

[eggplant]

79. Well done.

I'm proud of you.

[dem in texas]

80. Good for you, all your friends on DU totally support your move

I don't know where you are, but you need to get in touch with a women's shelter. Even if you don't go there, they are great resource for other options and help that you can get. About 15 years ago, a young programmer where I worked left her abusive husband and she and her 5 year old son lived with us for about 2 months until she could get on her feet. We knew a good family lawyer and got her in to see him and she filed for divorce. We had to lock the doors at work and call the police on one occasion because her husband was coming around and making threats against all the employees. Don't give up or get discouraged. I know the way will be hard for you, but the alternative is living your life with a bully and if you have children, they will have to see how he treats you and you don't want that. Good luck to you and let us know how you are getting along.

[blkmusclmachine]

81. Probably wise. You never know if/when the violence could be ratched up.

[DeSwiss]

82. Take care of yourself.

[center]This Moment, Now, Is The Most Important For Us

Our suffering stems from ignorance. We react because we do not know what we are doing, because we do not know the reality of ourselves. The mind spends most of the time lost in fantasies and illusions, reliving pleasant or unpleasant experiences and anticipating the future with eagerness or fear. While lost in such cravings or aversions, we are unaware of what is happening now, what we are doing now. Yet surely this moment, now, is the most important for us. We cannot live in the past; it is gone. Nor can we live in the future; it is forever beyond our grasp. We can live only in the present. If we are unaware of our present actions, we are condemned to repeating the mistakes of the past and can never succeed in attaining our dreams for the future. But if we can develop the ability to be aware of the present moment, we can use the past as a guide for ordering our actions in the future, so that we may attain our goal. ~S.N. Goenka [/center]

[eridani]

83. Good for you--hope you have friends and relatives for support

If not, google info on women's shelters.

[DesertDiamond]

84. BRAVO!!!

I looked for an emoticon for "I'm happy dancing for you!" I guess this is it:

[LuvNewcastle]

85. I'm so glad you left. Keep walking Miss Millie, and get far, far away from him.

If he comes near you again, get a restraining order, and if he breaks it, have him arrested. Do not play with this man. I'm so proud of you for leaving.

[democrank]

86. A brave first step

Stay strong and reach out for support.

~PEACE~

[Nanjing to Seoul]

87. sounds like my ex-wife.

[nikto]

88. NOW...

America needs to do the same as you and
walk out on the abusive GOP.

[Maraya1969]

89. Good for you! And please don't go back if he begs you or promises to change!

[Arugula Latte]

103. ^ Ditto this!! ^

Best of luck to you, Miss M, and good for you!

[nikto]

90. Advice...

If you ever have to talk to him again, make sure there is a 3rd person present,
and maybe even a hidden camera.

Just MHO.

[Android3.14]

91. Good for you

The community should force men who hit women to leave their villages and travel alone for the rest of their days.
I hope you connect with a domestic abuse advocacy network. Take care.

[Shankapotomus]

92. Nothing is more beautiful

than someone freeing themselves from the prison of relying on someone like that...congratulations...keep going, Millie...and don't look back. If you have yourself, you have everything.

[AsahinaKimi]

93. one thing I remember was an organization called:

Shelter Services for Woman.. funny that I no longer see it listed but there is ths:
http://www.safehavenshelter.org/events/

I hope it is helpful for you. My best wishes..

[Triana]

94. Please don't go back.

He won't change. You have to make the change. If you return, he'll get worse - until he lands you in the hospital- or worse. And he'll know he can manipulate you. Don't let him do that anymore.

I hope you can find somewhere safe to go and stay a while. I hope you can maintain no contact whatsoever with him (phone, email, texts, visits) - cut him off completely and for good if you can. It's the only way.

You don't deserve the way he treats you. You did not cause it. His behavior is HIS behavior. He chose it, not you. Nothing you do will change it. You have to protect yourself. It's hard giving up a dream - or realizing it wasn't real. It's hard choosing yourself over someone you loved and whom you thought loved you. But in the end you have to protect yourself, above all.

http://www.verbalabuse.com
http://www.youarenotcrazy.com
http://www.escapeabuse.com

[Demo_Chris]

95. Well done!

[bigwillq]

96. Good for you, MissMillie.

Never go back.

You are strong. You are beautiful. You deserve better.

I am so sorry this happened, but it's time to take back your life.

I believe in you.

[secondwind]

97. I applaud you and admire you! I've counseled DV victims in the past, and it is VERY difficult to

walk out, especially if there are children, etc.

Start your life fresh and new, and put your face to the sun... This was not your fault .

[llmart]

98. Stay strong.....

I can't add much to what's already been said except for to tell you that you are courageous. It takes incredible courage to leave sometimes, but be thankful you didn't waste any more of your years on that POS (great terminology, by the way).

If you feel like it, you can PM me and I'll tell you my personal story. It took me way too long to see that I was in an abusive relationship because he didn't do the obvious physical things like hit me. His was more subtle and of course in his mind not "abuse". There was a tremendous amount of emotional/verbal abuse though. I don't want to go into too many specific details, but I do know that other women's stories helped me tremendously, so I will be there for you if you feel yourself backsliding at all.

No matter how difficult you may think it is right now, you WILL GET THROUGH IT and you will come out on the other side a stronger woman. It won't happen overnight, but it will happen.

Take care.

[riqster]

99. Kudos to you and your bravery!

[mopinko]

100. i am moving slowly, but in the right direction

after 32 years and 4 kids, he is finally leaving a week from saturday.
a wonderful person most of the time, but the meanest asshole ever the rest of it. now sucked into a sick, psychopathic company, and drowning. i did my best, i can do no more.

just another greedy bastard who put money above love and now wonders what happened.

just keep moving forward. the only way forward it through.

[mfcorey1]

101. Good for you and it is a new beginning.

[Iwillnevergiveup]

102. Miss Millie

Your post has gotten a lot of deserved attention. You have made a choice that will benefit you for the rest of your life. Day by day, you will clearly see that as you experience safety and serenity. I applaud your courage and wish you only the best. Please check back and let us know how your new life is progressing. You know how we love good news here!

[Nay]

104. Good for you! I'm sure you are already experiencing the peace and quiet

that has been denied you for however many years you have lived with this abuser. A box under a bridge is better than what you have been enduring.

You do have a shelter to go to, or a friend's couch, something like that?

[JustAnotherGen]

105. Check in and let us know how you are doing

After you leave is when the abuser is most dangerous.

[MissMillie]

108. He doesn't know where I am

and I'm not going to tell him.

A friend from work is putting me up for the time being.

[JustAnotherGen]

110. Good to hear that

[Omnith]

106. Thats so sad you were in a terrible relationship. You made the right decision to leave.

[magical thyme]

107. Good! Let us know if there's anything we can do to help you...

and please stay in touch and keep us updated on your situation.

Good for you for getting out now, before it's too late!!!!

[cui bono]

109. I'm glad you got out.

Be strong and just ignore him if he contacts you. Stay out no matter what he promises you or if he threatens you. It will only get worse.

You are worth more than that and you deserve to have it.