Damn... No more Movie Popcorn!!!

[warrprayer]

<snip>

"Few things really capture the heart and soul of the movie theater experience like a stranger getting a handjob in the seat behind you. In the same ballpark is movie theater popcorn. It's an iconic snack associated with the film-going experience and, when Junior Mints are not available, it's the next best thing to buy at a 900 percent markup to keep your hands and mouth busy for the next two hours, provided you're not in that handjob crowd.


"Excuse me folks, could you keep your handjobbing to a dull roar, please? People are trying to enjoy G-Force."

Since theaters make the majority of their profits off the concession stand, it's no wonder they need to keep costs down as much as possible, which is why most employees seem to have flies buzzing around their heads, and it's also why butter was long ago sacrificed to the gods of cheapassery.

Lately, most places have taken to calling what they put on popcorn "topping" after word got out that butter hadn't seen the inside of a theater since Citizen Kane. The popcorn is often popped in coconut oil and then bathed in hydrogenated soy bean oil, much the way we imagine Ron Jeremy starts a work day.



The new mixture, while packing all that delicious butter flavor, also packs your arteries with heart stopping awfulness, so the cost benefit analysis worked more in favor of the theaters than you, supposing you were planning on staving off a heart attack. A large popcorn with this pseudo-butter has as much saturated fat as eight Big Macs.


Read more: http://www.cracked.com/article/113_6-fake-foods-you-will-wish-you-didnt-have-in-your-kitchen/#ixzz2zADuOutx

<snip>

AND THAT"S JUST THE TIP OF THE ICEBERG!

READ ON...

[Systematic Chaos]

1. I haven't been to a theater in about 6 or 7 years, but the rare times I do go...

...I never let them put the goop on the popcorn! It's "buttery" enough without it, and often oversalted. But when they get the salt right and the grease factor isn't too high, it's awesome stuff.

[warrprayer]

4. hot sauce

works for me!

[In_The_Wind]

2. I smuggle snacks in my purse.

[warrprayer]

5. looks delicious

and healthy!!!

[In_The_Wind]

10. On my way home from work Monday I stopped in BJ's and picked up blackberries.

The parrot and I finished 'em last night. I know the stores are packed today or I would go back for more.

[KamaAina]

3. In Honolulu, the only art house gave way to a $1 show

because

theaters make the majority of their profits off the concession stand,

and the art-house patrons weren't buying enough cheap crap.

[warrprayer]

7. that is sad

I have read of peole buying those wonderful old movie houses and turning them into theatres/community centers/cartoons for the kids on Saturdays, etc..

The best one in my town was originally a vaudeville theater, later a movie theatre. Had a bowling alley in the basement, and an opulent lounge downstairs!

[Xyzse]

6. OMG This article wins just by this one line.

The popcorn is often popped in coconut oil and then bathed in hydrogenated soy bean oil, much the way we imagine Ron Jeremy starts a work day.

[warrprayer]

8. LOL!

Glad you enjoyed!

[warrprayer]

9. TCM for a while...

on Saturday mornings was showing the matinee classics, such as "Tarzan", "Buck Rodgers", etc. Don't know if they still do it or not, but it was a pleasant nostalgic surprise.
""

[ohnoyoudidnt]

11. How did I know this was a Cracked article after reading the first sentence?