Have you ever been tempted to burn down a house

[WilliamPitt]

...to kill one housefly?

I am. Little flitting obnoxious ninja, impervious to chemicals, faster than shoes or swatters or rolled-up magazines.

On me. Off me. Near me. Mocks me.

I WILL BURN THIS GODDAM HOUSE DOWN.

...and he'll survive, and I'll be sleeping in a tent outside...with a fucking housefly.

[Wait Wut]

1. No, but...

...I've considered purchasing an Uzi for a gnat. I've also berated my cats, all three of them, for not doing a damned thing about the intruder. They glance at it. Make a half-hearted attempt to swat it. Figure it's taking up too much nap time and abandon the pursuit.

Good luck. Oh, check out your homeowner's insurance before you light the torch.

[kentauros]

2. Get out the vacuum.

Eventually, they'll get near that suction, and then no more flying insect

[bikebloke]

3. Wait unitl it's dark.

Turn out all the lights. Turn on the porch light. Then leave the door open a crack.

The fly should go outside...unless it doesn't.

[orleans]

27. right. and all the moths will float right in. n/t

[Xyzse]

4. I bought an electric flyswatter shaped like a tennis racquet.

Fun as heck...

[petronius]

5. I've got one of those - and a FlyShooter too! Sometimes I'm a little

sad when there isn't a fly in the house.

(Actually, it's a warm day - there probably is a fly somewhere around here. Time for a little recon...)

[Xyzse]

6. Oooh, Flyshooter? I've never seen such a thing.

I've never seen such a thing...
Googling now...
...
...
Ok, just saw it.
Doesn't it cause collateral damage?

[petronius]

9. So long as one scrupulously avoids the temptation to point it at

a significant other (I've been told in no uncertain terms that the collateral damage would be quite high in that case), it's been pretty safe so far. I typically don't shoot at screens though, or flies which have perched on fragile objects...

(I'm referring the the spring-loaded one rather than the salt-shooter - the latter type is going on my Christmas list. )

[Xyzse]

10. Yes... That is what I meant too.

Both of them looks like it could cause significant amounts of collateral damage.

[progressoid]

16. The Flyshooter!

We used to have a couple of those. Didn't last long with our kids though.

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

7. There's some kind of flying insect buzzing around in my house, too,

but the cats are dealing with it.

[woodsprite]

8. Nah! Mice and Squirrels!

My 80lb german shepherd will keep after and eat a fly, she'll alert at a stink bug, but have a mouse walk in front of her nose and she's like "Mom, what's that thing?".

[Chan790]

11. No, but I've been paid to burn a house down.

Legally even. I got paid to spend a day stocking a house with scrap wood and walk around spraying the inside with accelerant so the fire department could use it for live-fire drills.

[Skittles]

12. isn't your cat taking care of that?

OR DO I NEED TO KICK LAZY FELINE ASS?

[WilliamPitt]

13. Alas

Boomer is no more.

[Skittles]

15. awwwww

very sorry, William

[WilliamPitt]

17. Coyote got him.

Serves me right for moving out of the city. The only wildlife I used to have to worry about was rats and poodles.

[Skittles]

23. so sorry; I have lived rural and know the feeling

you don't realize the true differences until you've lived there for some time

Grieve not,
nor speak of me with tears,
but laugh and talk of me
as if I were beside you.....
I loved you so --
'twas Heaven here with you.

--by Ilsa Paschal Richardson

[Crewleader]

22. This breaks my heart and I know it does yours.

I'm so sorry William.

[Throd]

14. 2 dozen chameleons would take care of your problem.

[ohnoyoudidnt]

18. Relax. Their lifespan is about a month.

Of course, it could lay eggs.

[mnhtnbb]

19. Not funny to those of us who have lost our homes to fires.

So, the answer is no, I get out the damn fly swatter and either I get it
or I don't.

It's been 7 years since I watched our house burn down before it was dawn. And my heart still
stops when I hear sirens in the middle of the night. I can't be around wood
fires because the smell makes me nauseous. I wake up, still, with night sweats
from nightmares about the house burning.

So, no, Will, I've never been tempted to burn down a house because of a fly.

[WilliamPitt]

21. This is the Lounge

where JOKES happen.

I'm sorry for what happened to you.

It was a JOKE. They happen. Here.

[mnhtnbb]

25. Some jokes are in poor taste. This is one of them.

[ProdigalJunkMail]

30. most jokes are in poor taste

just waiting for one of the perpetually offended to pop up... thanks, you made it to the thread to shit all over something that, whether you think so or not, is pretty damned funny.

sP

[ohnoyoudidnt]

28. I don't know if it is possible

to tell a joke that won't offend at least one person.

[Lars39]

20. I've had some luck with hairspray.

[Aerows]

24. Not for a fly

but the ends I've contemplated when I saw a cockroach in the house? My phobia has no bounds.

I haven't had to burn down a house yet since I discovered covering the perimeter with boric acid prevents them from getting in and doesn't kill all the good insects. Yet.

[mithnanthy]

26. Turn on the air-conditioner full blast...

Flys can't stand the cold and can't move very quickly. You have better luck with a swatter when they're cold. Good luck!

[DFW]

29. Yes, but not for the same reason

When our elderly neighbors decided to move down south near the Swiss border about 5 years ago, they had a hard time selling their house for the price they wanted.

Finally they did sell it, but to a snobby guy who had just inherited quite a few million euros. He demolished their house altogether and in its place built one twice as big and twice as high. Now, right in the middle of what used to be a modest homogeneous neighborhood, we have a Frankenstein house next to ours with one rich guy living in it. His ex lets their son visit on alternate weekends or something. Otherwise it's just him, Home Alone in his "I-have-more-money-than-any-of-you" memorial horror.

He came to us and demanded we close the gate to our house, as there was no fence separating our properties. He feared a break-in (what did you expect when you build an "I'm the wealthiest guy around" house in the middle of a bunch of ordinary ones, DUH?). We had inherited the gate and never closed it. Sorry Charlie, it's open house at the DFW residence. We told him it was not up to him what we did with our gate, and so he built a hideous green and black metal fence dividing our properties. His monstrous house now also blocks the sunlight from the yard of the neighbors across the street who used to enjoy sitting outside in the summer.

Not a fly, but rather a monster who is not going away any time soon. I'd love to burn that one down.

[PADemD]

31. Buy a spray bottle at the dollar store.

Fill it with 1 tablespoon Dawn dish washing liquid to 1 cup of water and spray. No bugs.

[Arugula Latte]

32. That's an overreaction. Save the house burning for a spider.

[Yavin4]

33. Can't believe that no one has posted this yet

I must be getting old.

[Baitball Blogger]

34. pffft. Will Pitt, meet the sod webworm moth.

In a lawn which is not treated properly you will get so many of these moths infesting your yard that walking across the grass will produce a confetti of white flutter. If just one pregnant female makes it into your house, you will be tormented for months if they find any open food source. They particularly gravitate to bread bins, but dog treats are also an open source of food that many people forget about.

What happens over the course of time is a disgusting fact of Florida living. One that few people know about. But the newcomer becomes indoctrinated quickly when they see larvae crawling up the walls and little silk cocoons at the top levels of the ceiling.

It is such a trying experience to get rid of them that the sight of a sod webworm moth flying through your house can drive you into sheer panic.