Florida Man, 19, Arrested For Lewd Act With Stuffed Animal Inside Walmart Store

[KamaAina]

http://thesmokinggun.com/buster/florida/walmart-stuffed-animal-defiler-657903

A Florida man today took a stuffed animal off a Walmart shelf and then used the toy to masturbate before returning the ejaculate-covered item to a store shelf, police report.

The repulsive episode occurred around 3 PM at a Walmart in Brooksville, a city 50 miles north of Tampa.

According to a police report, Sean Johnson, 19, “selected a brown, tan, and red stuffed horse from the clearance shelf in the garden department.” He then went to the comforter aisle in the housewares section, “proceeded to pull out his genitals,” and “proceeded to hump the stuffed horse utilizing short fast movements.” The lewd act was captured by surveillance cameras.

After Johnson “achieved an orgasm and ejaculated on the stuffed horse’s chest area,” he placed the “soiled stuffed horse on top of a bed in a bag (comforter set) contaminating that property also.”

I always thought Florida Man was older than that. The sad thing is, if he had driven over to Ocala and humped a real horse, he would have been okey-dokey.

[valerief]

1. Why wasn't he shot dead by police? Oh, yeah. He's white. nt

[Skittles]

3. so

all black men observed performing misdemeanors are killed by the cops?

[KamaAina]

18. Not all

but one is one too many.

[DebJ]

2. I bet he watches the TV show Wilfred. n/t

[BlueJazz]

4. "Fuck you and the horse you rode in on" takes on a whole new meaning.

[KamaAina]

9. DUzy!!

[hifiguy]

21. +1 Definitely DUzy material.

[Xyzse]

13. And his name is Johnson.

[surrealAmerican]

5. Why do they keep stuffed toys ...

... in the garden department?

[KamaAina]

10. 'Cause horses are herbivores, silly.

[stevenleser]

6. What I don't understand is, he could pay the $1500 bond to get out of jail but couldn't

buy the stuffed horse and take it home? (Or to dinner and a movie?)

[mythology]

7. Either he's afraid of committment

or he didn't want his teddy bear to find out he had cheated.

[stevenleser]

8. Something tells me he already has a lot of stuffed animals at home and is

polyplushamorous

[KamaAina]

11. Triple DUzys!!!

[hibbing]

12. comforter aisle

That struck me as funny, but disgusting.

Peace

[Orrex]

25. I try to avoid blanket statements.

[pinboy3niner]

14. There's Something About Horsie

I can't help thinking that Horsie's hairstyle looks something like this now...

[magical thyme]

15. The sad thing is, if he had driven over to Ocala and humped a real horse, he would have been okey-do

Don't be too sure of that.

My elderly gelding sniffed at Dahli's tail when she was just a toddler. She instantly repaid him with a double-barreled kick to the chest.

If he'd tried that with an uninterested mare, he would have been pulverized. They don't say, "tee, hee, um, no." More like "FUCK OFF!!!!!!!"

[KamaAina]

16. But he wouldn't have been arrested.

Perfectly legal in Flori-duh.

[magical thyme]

17. his broken body would have been in the hospital, though

and he'd be in a bucketload of pain.

Mares don't fool around.

[Orrex]

26. And if he'd humped it twice, it would make it a dromedary

Wait. What?

[orleans]

19. the reporting on this is hardly unbiased:

"The repulsive episode"

not that it matters.

[Initech]

20. I take it he hadn't heard of this: (NSFW)

http://teddylove.net/

[Orrex]

23. The poor guy apparently suffered from laryngitis

Which explains why he was feeling a little horse.

[KamaAina]

24. Go to your room!

[damnedifIknow]

27. Wonder if he got stuck due to suction....

[Turbineguy]

28. How do I make sure

nobody will ever find out I looked at this thread?

[Manifestor_of_Light]

29. The title itself is TMI.

[Kaleva]

30. At least the Johnson family has something to talk about at dinner this Thanksgiving.

[sakabatou]

31. Was it a Lyra doll?

[Kaleva]

32. This is what happens when Obama doesn't give the people the pony they want.

[KamaAina]

33. DUzy!!