How are we to feel young when our youngest daughter just turned 30?

[DFW]

My wife and I looked at a bunch of photos of her from day one onwards. She was a handful, that's for sure. When she was almost two, one of my wife's friends called her "Madame 10,000 volts."

So, as my wife and I spent a casual weekend here in the cold and uncomfortable Rheinland, our 10,000 volt newly thirty-year old was stopping off in New York City (on the way from Frankfurt, Germany). She picked up her older sister, and then the both of them flew off to Las Vegas with boyfriends (one coming in from California, one from Germany) and some girlfriends from all over the globe, and had a nice sleepless weekend doing who-the-hell-knows-what. She was back at work at her job in Frankfurt by this morning (Tuesday)

I sorta seem to remember doing crazy stuff like this when I was 30, but old age must be setting in, because I sure don't remember the details. Then again, that may just be the nature of the beast.

[Populist_Prole]

1. I didn't think it would happen, but I'm now at the point of dividing everybody to above/below 30

Last edited Tue Feb 10, 2015, 02:40 PM - Edit history (1)

We had a buch of new hires where I work ( and have worked nearly 30 years ) and I subconciously, almost reflexively refer to them as "kids", or "that new kid" etc even though they are in their late 20's through early 30's.

I swore to myself in the past I'd never be like that!

[orleans]

2. i've always done that

even when i was younger

everyone younger than me was always a kid

the older i got the older the definition of a kid became

my friend told me he thinks of this as being in the second half of his life.

i told him that thought never occurred to me even though i hate getting older.

second half..... (shiver)

[DFW]

5. It's weird, but I don't

When I'm with a bunch of 30 year olds, I have to remind myself that I'm twice their age, and that when they look at me, they see an old guy. I, on the other hand, feel among contemporaries.

I'm not sure if that's good or bad!

[grasswire]

7. that phenomenon is worse for women

It's crazy to feel invisible after being in charge of so much in the "first half" of life.

[DFW]

19. It's not that way for all.

I promise you, my wife is anything but invisible, and very much in charge of her life.

[SwissTony]

14. I was called a dirty old man once

I was driving in the town where my family lives and I saw my daughter walking towards home. I pulled up and offered her a lift and a young guy (who neither of us knew) cried out "Don't go with him. He's just a dirty old man". I must have been all of 50 at the time. I appreciated his protective sentiments but...OUCH!

I remember as a very young child thinking my friend's brothers were old. They were 18 and 20. Ah, perspective.

[DFW]

17. I'll go you one better

Last edited Wed Feb 11, 2015, 04:33 PM - Edit history (1)

About ten years ago, an Israeli friend of mine who lives in the Netherlands was hired to do security for what can only be described as a trade fair of decadence. It was called the "Millionaire Fair," and was held at various places in Europe and Asia. They had 80 foot yachts, Bugatti cars, diamond-encrusted cell phones, you name it. He invited me and a guest to attend the one in Amsterdam, as he had some extra passes. Whatever the price of admission was, even if I could afford it, I certainly wasn't paying it, but a free chance to gawk? Sure, why not?

My wife said no way, José, but my elder daughter, at the time in fashion business school, and home on Christmas break, said sure, she'd be my date. She can make herself look pretty spectacular when she wants to (95% my wife's genes), and for this, she did. We got an early train over to Holland, and walked around, looking at at the crazy things on sale. 5000 square foot condo in Monaco anyone? Sure enough, some Saudi prince flew in on his private jet, opened a briefcase full of euros and bought the diamond-encrusted cell phone for €1.2 million. Cash. Okaaayyyyyyyyyy.......

Then came the fun(ny) part. A Dutch TV team came up to me and my daughter and asked, in English, for an interview. Not being a member of the 1% of the 1%, I asked why. They said they were doing a feature report on wealthy (didn't know I looked the part!) older men with much younger wives. I switched to Dutch (this already confused them, as I sure as hell don't look Dutch). I said this was not my wife. They said, well of course girlfriends were part of their story as well. I said she wasn't my girlfriend, either, but rather my daughter. My daughter doesn't speak Dutch, but she is bi-lingual in English and German, and understood what was going on. The TV team, convinced I was lying, asked her if I was really her dad. She said of course I was. They said, well, in that case, they had no use for us (the feeling was mutual). We were laughing about that one for weeks afterward.

[SwissTony]

21. LOL. Brilliant story.

I had to laugh, not just at your story but at the fact that it happened in The Netherlands. Daar wonen wij!!! (translation for non-Dutch speakers: "that's where we live&quot . My wife is Dutch (although she prefers to be thought of as Frisian). So, she speaks three languages (Dutch, English and Frisian). I speak two (Dutch and English), three if you consider Glaswegian as a different language (and I'm not talking about the language Billy Connolly uses on stage). All our kids are bi-lingual and we speak English to the grandkids so they'll learn that without even being aware of it.

May I ask how and why you came to learn Dutch? Did you learn German first? When I was in my Learning Dutch class, all the students used to hate the German students. Not on a personal basis, but because they seemed to pick it up so quickly. It's not surprising, because in many ways Dutch grammar is a sort of simplified German grammar. The der/die/das construction is much more complicated than the de/het construction and if you know that "haus" is paired in German with "das', then in Dutch you know that "huis" is automatically paired with "het'. So, in less than a month, the German students would be speaking pretty good Dutch while the rest of us were struggling to describe what we had for breakfast.

Groetjes uit Nederland.

[DFW]

22. The how and why are almost the same

When I opened an office in Nederland, I asked my guy there, who spoke both German and English, to speak to me slowly in Dutch, stopping for me to ask when I couldn't understand something. Inside of a year, I didn't have to stop him any more. One advantage is that his native language isn't Dutch, either, so his Nederlands is clear and very easy to understand. He also comes from the far north, and his native language is Drins, which is a neighbor of Frisian.

My first Germanic language was Swedish, whose grammar is even simpler than Dutch, so I had a head start. I started with German a year after starting with Swedish. I'm often in Belgium, but the Vlaams spoken in some of the provinces here is so convoluted, it might as well be Bantu. It's sort of like asking someone speaking only Glaswegian to understand someone who has never left the Mississippi Delta. Good luck. Actually, the first time I played in a German Folk Festival, the main act, who soon became a good friend, was a Glaswegian folk singer named Hamish Imlach. Unfortunately, he was also a serious alcoholic, and passed away many years ago. There were other Scots who used to hang around with us as well, including Iain MacKintosh, Eric Bogle (No Man's Land), Cilla Fisher and Artie Tresize, Mike Whellans, Aly Bain, others. I don't know if any of those names ring a bell. Man was THAT a long time ago!

Dus, groetjes uit Brussel!

[SwissTony]

23. Do you mean Eric Bogle, the well known Australian folk singer????

LOL. I've been to a few of Eric's concerts. I knew he was Scottish born (like myself) and emigrated to Oz in the late 60s. My family left in '61. Eric's big number in Oz was and is "And the Band Played Waltzing Matilda".

Cilla and Artie??? I love them

Living in The Netherlands, I go back to Scotland fairly often. So I keep in touch with my cultural roots. I still support my childhood football (soccer) team, Clyde. They have the distinction of ending in last place in the (then) Scottish Division1 (and therefore being relegated to Division 2), finishing bottom of that division the next year and then finishing bottom of Division 3. All in 3 seasons.

The hardest part about learning Dutch is to get the buggers to speak it to you. I've had conversations wherein I spoke Dutch, but the Dutchie I was speaking to insisted on speaking in English!!

[DFW]

24. You're right, he left to live in Australia

He sang "And The Band Played Waltzing Matilda" too. I think "No Man's Land" was originally called "The Green Hills of France," but that may just have been the name of the album it was on. We were always exchanging albums among ourselves at the German festivals. Cilla and Artie once came to my house outside Boston for the afternoon at the start of some American tour they were on. I was in that area for a brief time in the late 1970s. I lost touch with all of them over the years when I gradually stopped doing live concerts. It was a nice, cozy little clique of musicians, though as a "Yank," I was always considered to be the one who "talked funny."

In Holland, on the other hand, I often get told that I've ALMOST lost my accent, but they can still tell that I'm originally from South Africa. Of course, I don't speak Afrikaans, and I've never been to South Africa in my life. This happens a lot to me, I don't know why. A recent critique of my novel noted that "The author's passion for fine wines shines through as he uses all of the senses to describe setting." Sure, there's a perceptive literary critic for you. I'm a teetotaler and never drink wine at all, hate the taste of the stuff. I just used my imagination to create what I thought a pompous wine lover might write about the vintages he is tasting as the book goes along.

[SwissTony]

25. They think you're from South Africa??? LOL

de Klerk was interviewed a couple of on Dutch TV when Mandela was released. He was quite understandable. I think both he and the Dutch interviewers avoided idiomatic expressions, which no doubt helped.

I arrived in Australia with only a Glaswegian accent at my disposal. I soon developed another accent which to English and American ears sounds extremely Aussie. But to some Australian ears, i sound English...yeah, English...in Australia. And I think "Hey, d***head. You're talking to a Glaswegian born Aussie. Are you anxious to have some urgent dental work done?" Of course, I only think that...up until now. I'm only 64 years old...I can hit you with my zimmer frame.

You mentioned your book on some other thread, now lost in the quicksand of time. I was interested. Looked promising. Got a link? Won't make you a millionaire....but...

[DFW]

26. Won't make me a millionaire unless Sony wants the film rights

Here is a link. Got some decent reviews (including one from THE Norm Ornstein!!!!).

http://www.amazon.com/Time-Cellar-Marc-Emory/dp/159967971X/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1423688544&sr=1-1&keywords=the+time+cellar

[SwissTony]

27. That's the one!!!!

Usually I bookmark sites that are of interest to me! I think I did for this book and then did a "cleanup". Sometimes my cleanups are a little too enthusiastic. I want this book. You will be 24c richer!!!! Don't spend it all at once...and definitely not on wine.

I wish amazon could have a separate category for "problems in delivery" as opposed to "the content is crap".

Thank you..

[DFW]

28. Hope you like it!

Feel free to post here (and on Amazon!) if you do. Some "well-knowns" besides Norm Ornstein have read it, but that was in the pre-publishing stage, and so no comments on Amazon. Adrian Cronauer (the real one!) liked it plenty, as did Howard Dean. Even Stan Lee gave me a typical--for him--wry positive plug, and how many first-time authors can say that?

[DFW]

37. This is pretty much what the Dutch TV team encountered

You can see why they thought they had a story (oops!)

[URL=.html][IMG][/IMG][/URL]

[SwissTony]

38. She could have made things a lot worse!!!

She could have referred to you as SugarDaddy instead of Dad!!

[DFW]

39. But that would have become ZuikerPa

It loses something in the translation.........

[SwissTony]

41. It does, doesn't it?

I've ordered your book from amazon.de. I should get it by the middle of the week. I'll review it on amazon and send you a PM when I've done so. And I'll be happy to post it on DU.

[DFW]

42. By all means!

Thanks for that.

If you like it, you'll be in good company, and if you hate it, you will have the distinct honor of being able to tell Adrian Cronauer, Howard Dean and Stan Lee they don't know what they are talking about--and how many people can say that after all?

[No Vested Interest]

3. How do you think you'll feel when

all your kids are obviously middle-aged?

It gives one pause.

Then I remember I'm now "entitled" to look to them to assist me when life gets tough.

So all the rigor of child-raising, child-supporting, etc. worth it in the end.

[RebelOne]

6. I am at the old age mark.

Both of my kids are middle aged. I am 76, my daughter is 58 and my son is 53.

[No Vested Interest]

8. I can relate.

Am older than you, 3 "kids" in young 50's, one is late 40's.

And, yes, I rely on them more or more, though still wanting to keep control of my destiny (housing, money, time, etc.)

My advice to any and all - keep relationships between you and adult kids warm & open.

[DFW]

43. We don't count on getting much of an assist later on. Wouldn't dream of asking, either

One daughter lives in Frankfurt am Main, some 200 KM away, but leads a life like mine--rarely in the same city (or country) two days in a row, and 28 hour days half the time anyway. The other lives in New York City, and we can't very well ask her to give up her life in Manhattan to come make tea for two fading parents in Düsseldorf.

At 30 and 32, we wouldn't call them middle-aged, and it's a title they probably don't want to hear for another 30 years anyway! They both inherited a disproportionate dose of my wife's genes. That means that while they'll have to be on a constant watch for thyroid tumors and breast cancer, they also stand to look like they're 25 when they're 50. My 32 year old still gets carded at bars. Ten years ago, she found it insulting. Now, she's thrilled.

[DFW]

4. I'll probably feel nothing at all

My gene pool doesn't have a lot of people who made it to 80. One grandfather who zapped right on to 102, but the rest of the parents and grandparents never made it to 80, my dad's parents not even to 70, and here I am look at 63 next month.

But other than a few to-be-expected aches and pains, plus the very unwelcome heart issues, I don't feel like I'm ready to stop playing Beat The Reaper just yet.

[steve2470]

9. glad you, your wife and kids are doing well!

One day I'll make it to Rheinland

[DFW]

18. Just let us know. Chances are, we'll be somewhere in a 1000 KM radius!

So give a shout when you're about, and come hang out!

[HeiressofBickworth]

10. How do we feel?

Probably the same way I feel about having a GRANDdaughter turning 20!

A little bewildered at how fast time has gone.

[murielm99]

11. My youngest is 31.

Some of her friends are my friends, too. I have to be careful about that. I need to remember that we have a different frame of reference, in many ways.

One of the interesting things about watching my kids grow older: Our family goes gray prematurely. It is a shock, sometimes, to see my babies with gray hair.

[Joe Shlabotnik]

12. If you are looking to feel young at your age,

then you may be a 'me-generation' type. The fact of the matter is maybe you shouldn't try to feel young anymore (because you are not), but rather appreciate the memories that you've had, be proud of and use the wisdom and experience that you've gained, and accept that things (the human body) start falling apart. Focus on the important and intangible things in life instead. JMHO, (I really like you a lot DFW!), please don't take it the wrong way.

[DFW]

13. I'm not really "looking" to feel any particular way, so have no fear

I'm definitely of the Popeye school of philosophy on that point ("I yam what I yam and that's all what I yam&quot .

Or maybe like that old Mel & Kim song from the 1980s: "Take or leave us, but please believe us, we ain't ever gonna be respectable."

I focus, to the point that anyone with a crazy life like mine can focus on anything, on being with my still-beautiful wife, my never-boring job, hoping our girls are happy with their lives but without interfering, my music, my writing, and stealing a few weeks every year to chill out where few bother to chase after me (the outer tip of Cape Cod).

On the other hand, our orthopedist said that this model (the human body) has an intended shelf life of sixty years, and anything beyond that exceeds nature's warranty. In the space of 3 weeks, I've had one trip over to Berlin, and three each to Belgium, France and Spain. I think I need my million mile checkup soon.

[blogslut]

15. As I told blogslut jr. the other day: Bittersweet

It is one of my favorite words because it sums up most aspects of this human life succinctly.

[LWolf]

16. Both of my children are in their 30s.

I've conveniently forgotten exactly WHERE in their 30s; I have to do the math to say that one is...let's see...37, and the BABY is 35.

Ouch.

I will say that my adult sons are the greatest blessings in my life, and I love this stage. I don't parent them anymore; I just love them, and they just love me back. They've taken over planning and hosting family events. When I need them, they are there, and when they need me, I am there. It's a great way to be.

[sarge43]

20. "My grey hair doesn't bother me;

it's my kids' grey hair." My mom.

[olddots]

29. we tryed to raise 2 daughters in L.A.

one is 33 and one is 30 .....OY ! yeah and we live a mile from the Kardashians .

[Blue_Tires]

30. Is she single?

[DFW]

31. So far.

She changed boyfriends a year ago, but she's not looking getting married any time soon.

Why, are you 30 something, fluent in German and at least 10,000 volts?

[Blue_Tires]

33. 38, know tourist German

but I sadly have no electrical or magnetic properties...

[DFW]

34. She is fully bilingual in English and German

I'm assuming you mean the younger one. Her current boyfriend is 39, close to bilingual, and lives nearby in Frankfurt. You'll just have to wait until they break up. If you meant the older one, she'll be 32 next month, but also has a boyfriend (she lives in NYC) whom she's very happy at the moment.

[SwissTony]

32. This morning, my daughter took photos of me lying on the couch (sofa)

with HER 3 week old daughter sleeping on my chest. Thirty years ago, my wife took very similar photos of my daughter sleeping on my chest.

Where did all the time go?

[DFW]

35. Tell me about it!

then:
[URL=.html][IMG][/IMG][/URL]

and now:
[URL=.html][IMG][/IMG][/URL]

[seveneyes]

36. The meaning of life

is to find meaning in life.

[oldandhappy]

40. Congratulations!!

You have a vibrant creative family!

I remember telling my mother that I had joined AARP. There was silence on the phone. Then she said, "I never thot I would have a child that old." It was a great moment.

[3catwoman3]

44. A woman of my acquaintance said she knew she had to stop saying...

...that she was 39 when her daughter turned 39.

[SwissTony]

45. My wife says she feels like she's 25.

She's about 35 years older. I say to her "Get onto the soccer field with women who really are 25 years old and then tell me about it".