Said on the TeeVee
Fallon
Hillary Clinton is receiving criticism after telling a crowd to “unlock their full potential,” because that line is commonly used by another possible candidate, Carly Fiorina. People said, “You can’t just steal someone’s slogan like that!” And Hillary said, “Yes we can!”
Meyers
President Obama's former press secretary, Jay Carney, will reportedly become a senior vice president at Amazon. Carney says he's excited to work for someone who doesn't take six years to deliver.
The Kardashian family has signed a deal keeping them on the air for four more years and paying them $100 million. So let that be a lesson. If you really work hard and apply yourself, you are wasting your time.
Kimmel
Donald Trump says that he is more serious than ever about running for president in 2016. He hasn't spelled out his platform yet. But he did spell the out the word "Trump" on his platform.
I'd vote for Donald Trump just to find out how he and Melania would redecorate the White House.