I usually don't post about real life stuff here, but I need to vent

[Initech]

So a friend / coworker of mine died suddenly yesterday and I've been having an incredibly difficult time coming to terms with it. I work for my parents' business which is a mid size architecture/engineering firm. At work one of my duties is to manage the front desk when the receptionist is gone. Yesterday I wahe last person to see this guy leave at 12:00 and he was fine then. I told him "see you Monday" like I do to everyone I see leave on Fridays. He was one of the healthiest guys in the office - he even set up part of our warehouse as a gym / health facility. The weird thing is it happened at the gym. I get a call from my boss last night and find out that he's dead just before I sat down for dinner. I've been in absolute shock ever since, as is his family and every one else that I work with that I've been in contact with since it happened. I've known this guy for 15 years, maybe longer than that, and me and a lot of my coworkers are just devastated. This guy was one my dad hired many years ago and he's been a part of the company as long as I can remember. Has anyone had something like this happen? How do you deal with it?

[magical thyme]

1. ...

I'm so sorry for your loss.

No words of wisdom on coming to terms other than it will take time.

[Hell Hath No Fury]

2. When younger --

I worked for a small law firm where everyone was very, very close -- like family. One of the attorneys went home one day and killed himself. Completely unexpected.

From my experience you will be in shock for awhile, and find it unbelievable. You will talk with your co-workers a lot about what happened. You will search for answers or explanations for his death -- why did it happen, why did it happen to him, were there any warning signs you could have seen? How you deal/make sense of it is to let it act as a mirror for you -- eventually allow yourself to reflect on life and your own mortality. Use the realization that life can be THAT fleeting to choose to live your life according from that moment on. That will be the final gift your friend has given you.

I am so sorry for your loss.

[MrMickeysMom]

3. Initech… I'm sorry...

I believe it would be abnormal if you didn't feel this way. You're working it out by "venting".

[murielm99]

4. Just yesterday?

You will be in shock for awhile. Maybe you and your coworkers can work with a counselor to help you deal with this death. This is going to affect your workplace for awhile. Even if no one else wants to go to grief counseling, you might consider it for yourself.

I am sorry. I wish you and your coworkers well.

Please join the Bereavement group here once in awhile. There are some supportive people there.

[Initech]

9. I'll check it out.

And yeah it was yesterday. We have a schedule at work that allows people to leave early on Friday. I usually stick around because it allows me to earn more money. And I was saying goodbye to everyone including him that was leaving early. Then I got that call from my boss, and it's just been crazy ever since.

[OriginalGeek]

5. My best friend died in motorcycle accident

about 3 weeks before he was to be best man at my wedding. 29 years later it still sucks but time has softened the blow.

One year ago my best friend (who I met a few years after the first best friend died) died in the hospital from complication of a bad infection and being overweight. Time has not yet softened that blow. I'm not interested in having best friends any more. But as bad as that one was for me, it was way worse for his wife. My wife and I try to get together with her at least once a week just so she knows she's not alone and we laugh and joke (because that was one of my friends greatest gifts - he made us all laugh so hard) but straight up honest times here: I'm faking. I maintain for her because I fear if she knew how much I hurt it would break her even more.

I'm just hoping faking will turn to acceptance.

So yeah, I totally get your pain. I wish I had a magic bullet pill that would help you through it. Time will help but it's slow. I'm truly sorry for your loss.

[CaliforniaPeggy]

6. murielm99 has an excellent suggestion. The Bereavement Group can be very helpful...

Everything you're feeling is so very normal. I agree that the company would do well to hire a grief counselor to help all of you.

Be patient with yourself. Allow yourself to grieve, to cry, whatever you need.

It IS a huge shock and it will take period of time to heal from this shock.

There is no timetable for grief. Everyone gets through it in their own way and at their own pace. I don't think you ever really "get over it." You will get used to it. It will heal but there will be a scar.

I recently lost my good friend WCGreen, and even though we all knew there was a chance he would die, his death really knocked the props out from under me. It's been very hard...

Take care of yourself...

[Initech]

10. Yeah Monday will be very interesting.

It will be interesting to see how the managers handle this situation, I'm sure that a staff meeting will be called. Apparently my boss has been in contact with the deceased's brother and we will know more on Monday when an autopsy is performed. These last 24 hours have been a whirlwind of emotions.

[lovemydog]

7. Yeah, I've lost friends.

There's no correct response. It can be crying one day and laughing the next, or even from one hour to the next. I second the folks in the thread who mention perhaps getting a grief counselor for the firm. Sorry for your loss Initech. Best of luck in honoring the memory of your friend and coworker.

[DFW]

8. I've had something similar happen

A friend in Paris, a very intellectual guy, a rare Frenchman who spoke passable German, decent Arabic and fluent English, this was a guy I had known for over 20 years.

He always sent me jokes (in multiple languages), articles, just things about any subject (we were in the same line of work), and I had just gotten an email from him the afternoon before my birthday last year. He was at home alone, and apparently suffered a sudden and fatal heart attack a few minutes, or, at the latest, hours later. They found him a day and a half later when he never showed up at his office or answered any of his phones.

A hole just opened up in quite a few lives, including mine. *poof* just like that, he wasn't there any more. It took some getting used to.

[Initech]

11. Yeah I can imagine. I wonder what Monday will bring.

We're even having one of our guys fly in from Houston to help with the transition, so it will be interesting to see what will become of this.

[KMOD]

12. Sudden death is hard.

It's the shock of it, I believe.

It's sad, it's uncomfortable, but you just have to deal.

Stay strong for the loved ones and relatives left behind. They will need you. They will need you to remember. They will need you to mourn with them.

[blondie58]

13. I am so sorry, initech.

Life just Isn't fair sometimes. Muriels Suggestion of bereavement counseling is Great- for the entire Company.

And Ägain, i am reminded that one Must appreciate The Day in front of you, äs you are not promised tomorrow.
This bring's to mind Elizabeth kubler ross's work- the 5 stages of Grief.
Http ://www.ekrfoundation.org

Time will help.

Please take Care of yourself.

[Fla Dem]

14. So sorry for your loss. Sudden passing are very hard to deal with, there is no "getting ready".

It's always difficult, one day they are in your life, a mainstay, the next they're just gone. No good-byes, no last loving words, no final hug. Just gone. Talking with your co-workers, having a shared bond and history will help a lot. Memorial services, regardless of the religious affiliations, does put some closure to it. But the emptiness and missing will last for a while. Don't be hesitant to talk about your friend to others that knew him, tell stories and mention him when appropriate. If appropriate do something as a group in his honor, a charity donation, helping out at a food pantry, etc. It will get better.

[Dont call me Shirley]

15. Your friend...

Place in the office a photograph/plaque of your friend/coworker in their honor. Maybe everyone could donate photos and money to create a beautiful memoriam to him.

Allow yourself time and space to grieve.

I'm sorry for your loss Initech.

[rurallib]

16. I have lost some close friends

one by suicide that was areal shock.

Here are some suggestions
1) remember we all will die and few know when that will happen.

2) think of the good times, the good memories

3) think of the family. As devastated as you are, imagine how they feel. A kind word, a dish of food while they recover, ofeering to listen.

Good luck - it is something no one really knows how to act or feel.

[Paulie]

17. My brother passed last year

I moved him in with mom so she would have someone there. He went to kitchen, poured a glass of milk, put the milk away and collapsed. At 47yo. Mom calls, I head over and cop stayed with mom and gave me the news. I let the hospital tell my mom. Services were done in a week.

How I deal with it? I remember we are all going to go, it's a matter of how and when. Do I still get a tear sometimes at a memory even this far past? Yes. It sucks but it's part of the deal.

[Skittles]

21. it is hard

ten years ago my mum called me, screaming, saying she had found my brother dead....he was 48 and died of a complication of alcoholism......we were were only 11 months apart. I find myself thinking of him at the strangest times, like while sitting at a stoplight. It's a like a piece of your heart dies with them but you just have to go on.

[mnhtnbb]

18. I am so sorry for the loss of your friend/coworker, Initech.

Almost 25 years ago we got word--the week my husband was turning 50--that a very good friend of his
from their days together at basic training during the Vietnam war, suddenly collapsed while working out
in a hotel gym in Hawaii where he was attending a conference. He was an ER doc--49--excellent health.
There were two other surgeons working out right next to him, so he had CPR immediately. He did not
survive a massive heart attack.

His wife was in Hawaii with him. It was awful for her getting him back to California for services/burial.
They were devout Catholics. My husband and I did not attend the funeral because I had this major
50th birthday party planned for my husband. I wrote a long condolence letter to her. I never heard from her again. I guess she was furious that we didn't come to the funeral (from Missouri where we were living and also had two toddlers) and maybe she was also upset that I hadn't invited them to the party. Some years later her son had called us--he was in town and wanted to come visit--and then he never showed up! Didn't call or anything to cancel. We guessed maybe he had been in touch with his mom and she told him not to see us after he'd already arranged it.

My point is that how people from the office go out of their way to be there for the family can become an issue for the
family to the extent it can change relationships.

I think it would be a good idea if your company could get a grief counselor in to talk about this sudden hole left by his passing.

[Phentex]

19. I'm so sorry...

it's just a strange feeling when this happens and yet the rest of the world goes on.

Everyone has already given you good advice. I just wanted to say I'm sorry and I know how hard this is. Take care.

[Initech]

22. Yeah it is very strange.

The office was very quiet this morning when the news broke. Apparently there has been a service scheduled for next Tuesday. We still don't know the cause of death or the circumstances surrounding it.

[Skittles]

20. the old adage, "Time heals all wounds" simply is not true

some wounds, time can only make easier to bear

Time WILL help help, Initech....in the meantime, allow yourself to grieve

[uppityperson]

23. I got a call one Monday morning before going to work to tell me the

woman of the family I shared my office with had died. She was my age and just up and died, was healthy until she die. It took a couple rounds of "what?" and "that's not funny" for it to sink in. It took a while to get over it, to not take it personally as well as not be sad for her family.

It is weird, very odd, sad, upsetting, unsettling.

Wishes for peace to you and your co-workers and the family/friends.