Ever have one of those days when you just feel defeated?

[Tobin S.]

I graduated from college in December and have been unable to find a better job despite working really hard at it. At my current job, I work with a bunch of assholes. They are the kind of people that try to tear each other down in an attempt to make themselves feel superior. This morning, a couple of them thought it was funny that I had worked so hard and spent a lot of money on my education, but still haven't found a better job. Considering the source, it's not something that I'm taking to heart, but it still didn't make my day any brighter.

Out of over 50 employees, I am the only person working at my current employer who has a college education as far as I know. The owner of the company does not have a degree and neither does the general manager. I know how to make that company better from two different perspectives, but, apparently, they think I'm more valuable driving a truck for them. There's no climbing the ladder for me at that place, so I've had to look elsewhere.

To hell with all of them. I am going to get out of that place. It's just a matter of time.

[Coventina]

1. I know that feeling well.

It will take time.
But it will happen.

Hang in there!

[femmocrat]

2. As my mom used to say, "They are just jealous of you!"

Ignore them and keep working at finding something better. It will happen!

Can you relocate if you need to?

[Tobin S.]

3. I'd rather not relocate. I think it would take a lot of money to lure me into that.

However, even though I live in a small town, I live within commuting distance of three much larger cities. I'm willing to do that.

[seveneyes]

4. Not yet except before now until these promises

[Prisoner_Number_Six]

5. Hell, I've had DECADES like that.

You should do what I finally did to get past my situation- I started my own business. And I did damned well at it until I got too sick to continue after 8 years. At the end of that time I had over 400 names on my client list- a great majority of them were direct referrals. After the first year I didn't have to advertise at all. And quite a few of my clients ended up becoming personal friends.

If a yahoo like me can do it, anybody can. It's not the easiest of processes, but it's VERY rewarding on many levels.

Think about it.

[Tobin S.]

6. I have been considering going that route.

I've got a few ideas, but nothing I could do year round. I'd also have to start modestly because I don't have access to a lot of start-up capital.

What business were you in?

[Prisoner_Number_Six]

7. I ran a computer repair service

I took some certification courses at a local college, paid for by the local Vocational Rehab office (Garland TX). After that it was simply a matter of going downtown and getting a small business license and figuring out how to get my name out. I printed up a bunch of business cards and brochures and pinned them to various local bulletin boards, and got a set of magnetic signs for my car. A business was born.

The cool part was, the Rehab office actually ended up hiring me to do computer installs for their clients, so they actually became a client of mine. Full circle!

Since I worked out of my home I had almost no overhead- just vehicle maintenance, since I drove to my clients. The gas I used I tacked onto my basic hourly rate as a surcharge.

Easy peasey.

[fizzgig]

8. i feel that way a lot

i just hit my mid-30s and i'm no where near where i thought i'd be at this age in terms of my job. i got my degree in journalism, worked as a reporter for five years and it just didn't turn out well. after that i decided that wasn't the life for me and now i help run a call center. there are days i feel like an absolute failure and it can be hard to shake. i haven't quite hit the ceiling, but, barring and unexpected resignation, it will be some time before i can advance any further.

all i can do is drop it a gear and push up the hill. i know you can do that and i wish you all the best.

[DFW]

18. My dad got his degree in journalism

It was a different world then, of course. He had just come back from World War II. He entered journalism school at age 23, graduated at 25, got a job with a local paper in a one-horse town on the St. Lawrence Seaway, and was soon their correspondent at the state capital in Albany. Not exactly a glamor posting with a future. But then his publisher thought they'd try opening a tiny bureau in Washington, D.C. He got the post and never looked back. He and my mom moved to Virginia, and suddenly for the first time since 1894, members of my family (starting with me) were again born in the south.

He plugged away--again, in a very different world--and ended up being President of the Gridiron Club and hanging with every president since JFK. He died while Clinton was in office, and my dad was the one who introduced me to him.

I realize the chances of that happening today are far less than they were in the 1950s, but still, I think in journalism, you have to wait for a break, patiently, and grab the chance when it comes along.

[ailsagirl]

9. Yes, Tobin S.

Especially since the crash of 2008. Once the dust really settles, you can make some decisions.
In the meantime, let it percolate in your subconscious.

The cretins at work and their obnoxious attitudes?? This, too, shall pass.



PS I also think that discouragement is part of the human condition and it's pretty hard to escape.

[hopemountain]

35. i'm going to pass this on to my 36 yr old

daughter who lost her business, home, and every shred of self confidence she had with the crash. she's getting back on her feet but the look in her eyes say: defeat.
she has a masters degree and the debt that goes with it. she has always faced obstacles but this time, her spirit is crushed. it is very hard to witness the undoing of too many young people in their prime.

[ailsagirl]

39. I'm so sorry to hear about your daughter's situation

Who would have thought back when Bush stole the presidency that he'd also destroy so many people's lives?? It makes me boil but I try to look past it and focus on what I can do to move forward. But it's difficult at times.

On the other hand, things have improved and will continue to (IMO), however slowly. I wish the best for your daughter-- she's young and has lots of good experience, and will undoubtedly land on her feet.

Best of luck, hopemountain

[hopemountain]

41. your response is

kind, ailsagirl. thank you. i wish the same for you.

[ailsagirl]

42. Thanks!

[Chan790]

10. Today actually.

My boss is a crazy foreign woman who doesn't really grasp certain cultural realities of the United States. She's also really good friends with my mother. So every time I discuss my work needs with her...it's a P/T second-job...she goes running to my mother who makes commitments on my behalf that if I don't abide by she (mother) fucks with my life.

My boss doesn't grasp that I simply don't want to work 50 hours a week with no overtime for minimum wage...that it's not any of my mother's business and if she cannot prioritize my employment over her friendship with my mommy, I'm going to leave even if the new job is less hours and pay.

[ailsagirl]

13. That's a tough one...

I wish I had some answers. Are you planning on bailing anytime soon?

[Chan790]

14. ASAP.

Literally as soon as I can. I don't mind lying if need be to say the new job is better than than the old job, even if it's not.

[ailsagirl]

15. Good

It sounds like an impossible situation, as things stand.

Good luck!

[potone]

16. It seems to me that you have two problems here.

Your boss and your mother. I think your mother is the bigger problem. Either she is just clueless and doesn't understand that she shouldn't make commitments for you, or she is being hostile. If it is the former, you need to set boundaries with her and explain that you need to keep your relationship with her separate from your work, so she needs to tell her friend that she does not want to discuss your work hours with her. If it is the latter, put some distance between yourself and your mother as soon as possible. Good luck!

[Kali]

11. oh man, Tobin

you know it, most have been there. hugs for a better day tomorrow

[riderinthestorm]

12. No advice. Found your own company?

is there some niche you can fill in the trucking industry?



Hang in there!

[Liberty Belle]

17. Yes, today. My husband was laid off, today was his last day.

No job in site; he's in a specialty field. We don't want to relocate; Mom's elderly and needs me here, and I founded a nonprofit and am needed here in our community. Don't know how I can keep it going though without more funds. Our nonprofit lost our biggest donor just last month. No clue how we'll pay the mortgage if this keeps up more than a month or so.

Been down this road before - we've each had a layoff years ago, but back then the other was working a good-paying job and our expenses were a lot less - no kids, low mortgage, and not paying through the nose on healthcare.

He's almost 60 -- damn hard to find any work at that age.

Hang in there -- I've worked in places like that, actually one was the place I was laid off from and I was glad to escape it. I wound up going to work for myself, freelance writing for many years and was much happier. But the bottom's fallen out of that market; not much money to be made anymore due to greedy publishers demanding all rights to stuff you used to be able to resell over and over.

My advice? Find a field they can't outsource; learn a trade like electrical or plumbing. You could also dream up an internet business. Crafts to sell online etc.

I once contemplated a book called cheapskates guide to living well on a shoestring budget. Never wrote it but had a lot of material. I met people who made their living buying stuff at yard sales and flea markets, then reselling it. One lady bought nothing but vintage aprons. Another guy would go to the Sheriff auctions, buy cars and resell them. He had a nice house; park a Jaguar or Mercedes in front and nobody's realize it was probably a former drug dealer's car that got seized. He buy them for a few hundred bucks, resell for a couple thousand.

Oh? And that asshole who fired me? I published a novel years later, set in the San Francisco earthquake. I wrote him in as a greedy banker who died trying to save his burning pile of money. Changed the name, but I knew hit was him. Revenge was sweet!

[mnhtnbb]

19. Sorry that the job hunt is taking so long and you still have to put up with that place.

I know you've said you don't want to relocate, but maybe it's worth
an experiment?

Research three areas of the country where you (and your wife) would be willing to move
that have jobs available for which you'd be qualified. Start answering ads, sending in job applications/resumes
and see what comes up. If you get an invitation to interview, do it. Do it for the experience
and also the morale boost to see that someone, somewhere IS interested in your education,
skills, and experience. Who knows? Maybe you will end up seeing a door open somewhere else
that makes a relocation worthwhile, or maybe you will just be able to polish your interview skills
while you wait for that right job which will come along where you are.

[cwydro]

20. i don't mean this critically, but

if you are constantly bragging about your educational level and how it is higher than everyone with whom you work...

Well, that is not going to endear you to your co-workers.

[Tobin S.]

24. That sounded pretty critical to me. What makes you think I've been doing that?

I generally don't talk about my personal life much at work. They knew I was in school, and would frequently ask me when I was going to graduate. I told them that.

But I have never looked down my nose at anyone for any reason. I don't understand why you got that impression.

[cwydro]

26. Ok. I apologize.

It does seem that you look down on your co-workers.

I have never talked about my education to co -workers.

Either we are on the same level or not.

I have a BA, as do all of my coworkers .

But this is not something we talk about.

[Tobin S.]

27. There's a difference between being a snob and speaking the truth.

If someone is mean, I say that they are mean. My co-workers are mean, for the most part. I don't have much respect for people like that, but I don't think I'm better than them. I'm just kinder.

We are truck drivers. Nobody there is on a higher level than anybody. We all do the same thing. My bachelor's degree does not make me a better trucker than them. Through my training in business, I've learned to look at the company in different ways and see how it can be a better place to work and possibly more profitable. That's just a fact. It has nothing to do with anyone's worth as a human being.

[cwydro]

32. I understand.

[trueblue2007]

21. JUST A FUNNY HOPE YOU'LL SMILE.

[lovemydog]

22. Yes, Tobin S. I know what you mean.

It sucks. People can be difficult & cliquish. They often reject any approaches that could improve the business. Think of your current situation as an experiment in human behavior. You're following in a long line of writers, poets, artists etc. who have had boring stupid jobs, and your a part of that tradition, lol. Just try and do your job for a while in a way that can bring some level of satisfaction or enjoyment. One day at a time. What are some of your interests outside of work? What do you dream of doing after you aren't working there any more?

[Tanuki]

23. Congratulations on earning your degree. Savor the achievement.

The knowledge and skills you acquired will be yours for a lifetime, so please do not feel discouraged because they have not immediately translated into a better job. Many of us who graduated at times when economic factors were unfavorable struggled, and many here still struggle. You are employed and able to earn a living until you find something more to your liking, and you can choose to have a great life in the meantime. Find your joy and your intellectual stimulation outside your job. Is there a volunteer activity where you can apply your skills? You might find it rewarding and at the same time expand your network. Driving a truck would seem to offer lots of opportunities to listen to books on tape, enjoy music while you work, practice a new language on tape, etc. Once when I was listening to NPR, and the guest was an ornithologist, a truck driver who loved bird watching called in with some observations his chosen work had allowed him to make (e.g., he had noticed at truck stops that birds congregated in the parking area, waiting to pick smashed bugs from the front of truck grilles). As you said, there seems to be a culture at your workplace of tearing people down and pulling down the crab that is trying to crawl out of the barrel, so don't even bother to engage or to "justify" your choice to get a college degree. Maybe this is just a life lesson on growing a thicker skin and not letting other people (or your occupation) define you. On a day when you are feeling defeated, it can be helpful to sit down and write out a list of things that are positive in your life and those things and people for which you are truly grateful.

[Tobin S.]

25. Thank you, Ranuki

I'm feeling better today.

[WilliamPitt]

28. It's your time in the ringer.

I remember my first post-college job, pacing up and down the back of the building on a smoke break (back when they still existed), cursing fate and the fuckwits I worked with, wondering what the hell was happening with my life.

You are vividly intelligent, and it will get better in time. The crux of the problem, at least for me, was that no one takes "kids" seriously. The only solution is time, diligence and duration.

In the meantime, be the best at what you do, even if you're just slinging ice cream at Baskin Robins or selling scratch tickets to losers at the local 7-11 (both of which I've done). The effort yields its own rewards.

I even came up with a term for the process: "Becoming." You are Becoming, and it's a shitty hold-on-by-the-fingernails period of life.

It improves.

I promise.

[Tobin S.]

29. Thanks, Will. I appreciate the compliment.

I'm not all that young, but I think your words still apply.

I was thinking that, at 42, I'd be able to transition into a job after graduation that was a little higher than entry level. Unfortunately, most employers seem to put me in the same category as other, younger recent graduates. I can't afford to make cold calls trying to sell insurance, and that seems to be all I can dig up at this point.

Yeah, it's just like starting over again and being an unproven 20-something year old. Time isn't as much on my side as it used to be, though.

[WilliamPitt]

30. I didn't realize.

I apologize. I see "recent college graduate" and think "22." My bias, my mistake.

You are definitely on the horns of a dilemma, and only a year younger than me as it turns out, so I'll spare you the Sermon-on-the-Mount bullshit I usually reserve for the zygotes just getting out there. You still have plenty of time, duration and diligence are rules of thumb as you know, and you're sharp as a tack. It will come.

[Tobin S.]

31. That's alright. Thanks again. n/t

[Phentex]

34. That response seemed SO odd to me!

Until I remembered not everyone lives in the Lounge like I do.

I don't know you but I feel like I know you and I have enjoyed hearing about your ups and downs over the years. I have no doubt you are going to get out of the situation you are in at some point. And I will be very, very happy to hear all about it!

[AwakeAtLast]

33. Whether they will admit it or not

They are most likely threatened by your degree. Don't ask me why, but I've seen it happen more than once.

If I remember correctly, you are in IN? So am I. This state does not pay for degrees, yet they sure say they want them. Then they have the nerve to complain about "brain drain"!

I wish you luck in your search. If I hear anything good, I will shoot you a PM.

[mythology]

36. I'm 6 months in on a 15 to 18 month rehab from surgery

I have days where I want to say screw it, intentionally damage the graft and get back to my life.

But that won't solve the longer term issue. So I keep putting one foot in front of the other and finding ways to keep my head up.

[Miles Archer]

37. Yes, I have those days all the time, but...

...it's either rise above them or sink below them. I get down like any other human being. I just never allow myself to stay down for long.

It hasn't always been that way...I used to go through long stretches of "why bother" after seeing my best efforts fail again and again.

Then I read a book by sales guru Claude Whitacre. One of several cornerstones in his approach is to make the initial communication with each prospect an impersonal thing...an offer in which rejection is not a personal rejection of the salesperson.

See, if I have a product or service and I offer it to a prospective client and they say "no," it's easy for me to think "OK...their loss," or sometimes, it might be a legitimate case of they don't need it. A perfect example of this is when I was prospecting for dentists as clients for Website design. I spoke with one who had seen my flyer, was exceptionally polite, and told me "I have one eye on retiring. I'm not even thinking of more patients. All I'm really thinking about these days is more time on the golf course."

So I appreciated his honesty, I appreciated the fact that the respect and professionalism I extended to him was shown to me in kind.

Other times, I've gone in to help people that I thought I could help and was met with rudeness, abruptness, and a general lack of respect. Those used to hurt a lot more ten years ago than they hurt today, because I position myself in a way where it really doesn't open up an opportunity for those kinds of people to have that kind of exchange with me.

So Tobin, I think some of the things that turned the corner for me might be useful for you too, in the long haul. Be confident in who you are and what you are. Know that there are people who will respect that and people who won't, and their opinions never matter half as much as your opinion of yourself. Know that in business, it's never personal...and if by some chance it becomes personal, it's usually due to some short circuit in the other person, and still has nothing to do with you.

Be angry or hurt or disappointed in the moment, and let it go.

Stay positive...not a Pollyanna, not someone wearing rose colored glasses. See the world around you for what it is but know that it's your world, just as much as it is mine or the next guy's, and that means you're entitled to your piece of it. Don't wait for it to be given to you, step up and claim it. Life rewards bold action and the same people who disrespect you now will back off when you demonstrate the degree to which you mean business.

Stay strong, stay positive. Do it all for you, not for them.

[Phentex]

38. Damn good advice!

Something everyone should think about.

[ailsagirl]

40. Fantastic post, Miles Archer!

We can all take a page from your book!!

[seveneyes]

43. That day needs its ass kicked