I wrote this about five months ago: An Agnostic's Soul
It’s been about four months since I graduated from college. I was an older student having transferred some credit from a different college that I earned when I was much younger. I took three classes a semester for two and a half years including summers to finish my degree. In addition to that, I worked an average of fifty hours a week as a truck driver hauling scrap metal around eastern Indiana. I’ve never worked harder than that for a sustained period in my life.
I graduated in December of 2014 and I applied for jobs heavily from then through the following February. It got to the point where I had lost track of all of the places I had applied and I had to do a little research to get it all straight. I had a few opportunities from that job search, but nothing better than my truck driving gig.
When March rolled around, I decided to just let the dust settle and see what would come of all that applying. My wife commented that I was spending so much time looking for a new job that it was like I never graduated from school. I was working just as hard looking for work as I was in my classes. When I gave it a rest, I realized just how tired I was. It was a long-term, deep down kind of weariness. I think I was on the verge of exhaustion, the kind where they stick you in the hospital.
It’s drawing toward the end of April now, but I still don’t feel like I’ve fully recovered despite not doing anything extra on top of my job. I’ve just been punching the time clock and then taking it easy at the house. I’m thinking that it’s possible that I pushed myself too hard for too long and it’s turned into a life changing event as far as my health goes. I’m really feeling the effects of age, even though I’m only forty-two, and I don’t think I’m going to be able to capture the well-being I had before I decided I needed a career change.
I’m also kind of kicking myself over my chosen major. I took mostly online classes so my choice of majors was limited. I had narrowed it down to math and business. I have an aptitude for both subjects, but I thought that business would be more pragmatic so I went with that. My wife has worked in that type of field and has been treated badly as far as office politics goes. Recently, she was basically forced out of a job. For what reason we aren’t sure, but it was really a nasty bit of business. I’ve come to realize after getting my degree and seeing what’s happened to my wife that I really don’t have the personality to work well in a business environment. My heart would definitely not be in it.
What now? I’m really not sure. I’ve basically tried to sell my soul, but it apparently doesn’t rate more than thirty grand a year. I think I’ll just hang on to my essence at that price.
Reading that today for the first time since I wrote it made me realize that my heart is not in the work I do now anyway. Also, there simply aren't the kind of jobs where I live that I can get that would be gratifying. The closest thing I've seen to that around here is a job teaching math to adults returning to school for their GED. However, I simply don't have the credentials for that, even though I think I could actually do it now.
I put in six applications yesterday. I also called a guy who interviewed me in January even though he didn't have anything for me at the time. I got his voice mail, but hopefully he got the message.
I think I'm over my burnout.
= new reply since forum marked as read
So, forward it is!
Best of luck to you...I'm rooting for you.
