Run For Your Lives, The Apocalypse Is Coming, And This Time It’s Mormon!
(the last paragraph is worth the whole read!)
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Run For Your Lives, The Apocalypse Is Coming, And This Time It’s Mormon!
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The living will envy the dead
Any time you start getting too cocky about how we’re a modern technological society that has space exploration and fancy digital watches and everything, it’s nice to see a reminder that at least some of us are still impressed by astronomical coincidences, mystical hoodoo, and plain old End Times religious panic. Keeps us humble. Take, for instance, the belief among some Mormons that September is going to bring the end of the world, or at least a devastating economic/societal collapse, as predicted by ironclad prophecies that a popular Mormon writer lady pulled out of her head after she briefly visited Heaven. People are stocking up on dried food, getting their survival gear in trim, and preparing to hunker down for the end, because why not? The world’s always ending somewhere.
Here’s how the doomsday scenario plays out: History, some preppers believe, is divided into seven-year periods — like the Hebrew notion of “shemitah” or Sabbath. In 2008, seven years after 9/11, the stock market crashed, a harbinger of a devastating recession. It’s been seven years since then and Wall Street has been fluctuating wildly in recent weeks in the wake of China devaluing its currency. Thus, they believe, starting Sept. 13, the beginning of the Jewish High Holy Days, there will be another, even larger financial crisis, based on the United States’ “wickedness.” That will launch the “days of tribulation” — as described in the Bible.
Sept. 28 will see a full, red or “blood moon” and a major earthquake in or near Utah. Some anticipate an invasion by U.N. troops, technological disruptions and decline, chaos and hysteria.
It’s always fun when one religion borrows another’s holidays and decides they’re a sign of planet-wide doom. So we’re two days into the collapse of civilization and so far, all we’ve noticed is that Donald Trump continues to do well in the polls, which is scary all right, but would look a lot more apocalyptic if it were September 2016. Check back on Sept. 28 and we’ll let you know if the streets are full of blue-helmeted shock troops, assuming they finally make it out of the Operation Jade Helm tunnels under Texas’s Walmarts. (If the world doesn’t end this month, they could be down there for years and evolve into mole men. You never know.)
. . . .
But Donald Trump? He’s still real, and the gravitational field created by his ego has been known to create distortions in the space-time continuum when people get too close to him. We are not out of the woods yet, people.
Read more at http://wonkette.com/593944/run-for-your-lives-the-apocalypse-is-coming-and-this-time-its-mormon#dJAd0uCjwbdpkkkZ.99
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