CONFESS!!! What makes you especially qualified to be the NEXT Speaker of the House!!!

[LynneSin]

At this point the GOP is running out of candidates and technically you do not need to be a member of congress to be Speaker of the House.

So post your unique qualifications and maybe you'll get that special tap to replace Mr. Crying Orangeman himself, John Boehner, to be the next Speaker of the House.

Hell he could make this a reality TV show!!!

[LuckyTheDog]

1. I am a Democrat.

I am a Democrat and therefore, not part of the cult of the GOP. So, there's that.

[Myrina]

2. I'm reallygood at doing nothing, collecting a salary for it & crying on cue.

n/t

[DFW]

8. You're a shoo-in! n/t

[Yavin4]

14. But do you have a tan? n/t

[Iggo]

3. Ever since I got sober, I'm a fucking champion at saying No.

[NaturalHigh]

4. I'm prone to angry rants.

[kairos12]

5. I don't glint orange, play golf, or smoke. Don't cry much either.

[sarge43]

6. I can do crazy. n/t

[benld74]

7. I can do nothing as well as anybody

[ProfessorGAC]

9. I Can Do The Mobbed Up Look, Quite Convincingly

Then, we might get some agreement because i could make them an offer they couldn't refuse.

[trueblue2007]

10. i am CUTE, Articulate and SMART !!!!!

[LynneSin]

11. You know the GOP controls the House

you just unqualified yourself!!!!

[kwassa]

12. I can say totally insane things in a reasonable tone and with a straight face.

[DinahMoeHum]

13. ". . .I can smile, and murder whiles I smile. . ."

". . .And cry 'content' to that which grieves my heart,
And wet my cheeks with artificial tears,
And frame my face for all occasions. . ."

― William Shakespeare, King Henry VI, Part 3

[Yavin4]

15. I let Jeremy Maclin go. Traded away Nick Foles and LeSean McCoy. Traded for Sam Bradford....

Oh wait you asked for qualities for being the next Speaker, not coach of the Eagles.

Sorry, wrong post.

[rurallib]

16. I am retired and thus fit like a glove into the work ethic there.

[TexasBushwhacker]

17. I taught teenagers for 9 - UNARMED!

But seriously, I just don't tolerate bullshit and I'm really not all that into money, so I wouldn't be inclined to push laws that would benefit me financially if they were bad for the country.

[blogslut]

18. I also hate congress.

[lovemydog]

21. duzy!

[madinmaryland]

19. What the fuck?? You're a zombie! I thought you died a couple of days ago in the

great rapture and now you are back. You now have the perfect qualifications to be the leader of the Republican party and the US House of Representatives.

Just sayin!

[LynneSin]

27. Maryland seems to have the Tollbooth at the gates of heaven

and I wasn't paying that damn $8 toll



They even put toll booths on the backroads into Heaven.

At least Delaware they have back roads I can get around!

[Wounded Bear]

29. They privatized Heaven....?!?!?

All the more reason to go elsewhere.

[shenmue]

20. I'm drunk

[lovemydog]

22. I can be a doofus

as well as anyone.

[IrishEyes]

23. I know how to speak.

I can say many big words in English. I also can speak a few different languages. I can stand, clap and sit down. I know where the house is. I can stay awake and stop from throwing things (mostly) when the republicans say stupid things. I don't tan since I'm Irish.

[LynneSin]

26. But that makes you smart and you know, this is the GOP

Try having someone drop a large heavy rock on your head so you can have a bit of brain damage and then try applying again.

Else maybe you'll have to wait for the Democrats to get control because there you'd be very well qualified!



(and please do NOT have someone drop a large heavy rock on your head. We need smart people like you!)

[IrishEyes]

30. Also, I don't have a penis.

So, I guess my career in the GOP is over. Thank goodness.

[LynneSin]

31. But the way the GOP legislates women I doubt they have much of one either

just saying....

[In_The_Wind]

24. I'm honest lifelong Democrat who remains calm under stressful conditions.

[OakCliffDem]

25. I am an expert at procrastination

I will tell you my other qualifications later.

[mentalsolstice]

28. I know where to get kegs of good craft beer! nt

[underpants]

32. I have good penmanship, can nail actor voice overs in commercials, I have no sense of smell

And I some pretty good impressions.

[malthaussen]

33. The fact that I am completely unqualified.

This seems to go a long way in politics.

-- Mal

[KamaAina]

34. I have swum with dolphins on several occasions.

Can Chaffetz or Gowdy or Newt or whoever say that?

[LynneSin]

39. I think dolphins are smart enough to know not to swim with those idiots

so there!

[hobbit709]

35. I don't play well with stupid people and I'm willing to use a clue by four.

[GOLGO 13]

36. I too can be an obstinate drunk.

It's one of my many super-powers according to my ex-gf.

[LynneSin]

38. Give me Old Rasputin on Nitro Tap and I can outdo your super-powers

I might have to challenge you on that one!

[Hotler]

37. I like to cus a lot and

give people the middle finger.

[gratuitous]

40. A preternatural intolerance for Led Zeppelin

Also, I can accurately throw a gavel 35 yards (give or take a foot, but since I'd probably be aiming at the Republican side of the chamber most of the time, if I missed my target, whoever took one off the forehead probably deserved it as well).

[LanternWaste]

41. I can believably pretend to be interested and intrigued by anything anyone says.

I use coasters when I drink coffee, and pretentiously scoff at anyone who uses flavored creamers. Chocolate's not really my thing, and my album collection is four times bigger than my ego. I prefer driving a stick shift, I like Piña coladas, getting caught in the rain, and the feel of the ocean and the taste of champagne (although I'm usually asleep at midnight, and don't think dunes should wear capes given our current fashion trends).

On edit: I'll use a taser on anyone in the House who votes the wrong way or spells anything incorrectly.