Witch Casts Viruses Out of Computers With Magic

[Blue_Tires]

When nasty viruses infect the computers of folks up in Northern California, Reverend Joey Talley is on it.

The Wiccan witch—who is also an ordained minister through the State of California—not only offers services for people struggling with romantic heartache, depression, and other ailments, she also exorcises viruses from computers.

“No problem is too small, too big, or too weird” is Talley’s motto. Sure, she can do a love spell, but she’d rather face off with ghosts and demons.

To excise such entities out of a machine, she uses a variety of techniques—she might place stones on top of the computer, clear the dark energy by setting an intention with her mind, or cleanse the area around the computer by burning sage. The time it takes to clear these viruses depends on the nefariousness of the entity, she says: sometimes it takes just an hour, other times it can take up to four.

I spoke with Talley to learn more about how she’s used Wiccan witchcraft to build a client base of professionals who want alternative tech support in and around Silicon Valley, and how she silences her critics:

http://motherboard.vice.com/read/we-talked-to-a-witch-who-casts-viruses-out-of-computers-with-magic

[Xyzse]

1. You know I tend to think that some older people get more magical as they age...

Where, their magical powers grow in inverse relation to their ability to hone technology.

The more magical they are, the less they are able to use technology, where some of their effects boggle the mind of the average tech support.

However, this is just ridiculous.

[Prisoner_Number_Six]

2. So all these years I've been doing it the wrong way.

Using skill, knowledge, software- you know, THAT kind of gobbledygook to slay the dragon, so to speak.

I want my money back for all those computer courses I took.

[hobbit709]

3. to anyone that believes that, I got a bridge, I'll even throw in a couple of monuments.

[IDemo]

4. I have found that Ghostery and NoScript work well in clearing the dark energy n/t

[CBGLuthier]

5. cough- bullshit - cough

I would be more inclined to believe in magical healing because people can be influenced but machines. This lady is full of shit.

[SwankyXomb]

6. "No problem is too big, no FEE is too big"

Also, "Hokey religions are no match for a good suite of antimalware tools on your thumb drive."

[Solly Mack]

7. Turning worms into toads so they can hop out of your computer.

Trojan horses become butterflies that flutter way, never to harm your machine again.


When all else fails, she conjures the Deus ex Machina, aka Norton, who will float through the tubes, enveloping your machine in a glow of light and purity, making it safe for use.

[jrandom421]

8. And this supports my wife's contention

"We know what computers do, we know how they do it, but we have no clue as to WHY. When you know what something does and how it does it, but not why it does it, it's called MAGIC! And that's why anyone who knows anything about computer is called a Witch or Wizard!"

[hobbit709]

9. sometimes when I work on one and everything suddenly clears up I say "FM"

Fucking Magic.

[rug]

10. I usually utter a curse

while throwing it on the floor.

[Mnpaul]

11. How silly

The only true way to get it done is to perform an exorcism.