‘Toni Tennille’: Her happy marriage (of 39 years) with the Captain was a lie

[LynneSin]

‘Toni Tennille’: Her happy marriage with the Captain was a lie

In the 1970s, Captain and Tennille were the ultimate strait-laced, soft rock power couple. With a string of gently upbeat hits, a variety show that emphasized their yin-and-yang chemistry, and a seemingly happy musical and legal marriage (they wed in 1975), Daryl Dragon (the Captain) and Toni Tennille appeared to be achieving the promise of their signature hit, “Love Will Keep Us Together.”

But as she writes in her new memoir, “Toni Tennille ,” the whole thing was a lie.

“Here I was a newly married woman with a hit record and a Grammy, living the dream that so many artists aim for,” Tennille recalls. But despite her success, she felt lonely and isolated from her husband: “The man whom I’d thought was my soul mate was in many ways just as remote as a stranger passing by through the fog.” In a turn of events so surprising that it captured tabloid attention, Tennille eventually divorced Dragon, but not until 2014, after 39 years of what had appeared to be a solid marriage.

<<<snip>>>

Tennille paints a portrait of Dragon that is not flattering. She characterizes him as emotionally closed-off, controlling, obsessive about maintaining his macrobiotic diet, self-conscious about the loss of his hair (that’s why he always wore that captain’s hat, she explains) and rarely, if ever, demonstrative toward his wife. “I can say without exaggeration that he showed no physical affection for me during our very long marriage,” she writes. Throughout the relationship, even while on tour, they slept in separate bedrooms.

Wow - I remember watching their variety show on ABC back in the 70s and they were always portrayed as being this amazingly happily married couple. Who would have thunk it??!!

Oh and as for you men going bald - just embrace it. Don't try to hide it, be bald and be proud!

[Viva_La_Revolution]

1. proven that balding men have higher testosterone levels, and therefore are more

...energetic

Hubba hubba

[cyberswede]

2. How would you think someone who was a "remote stranger" was your soul mate?

Did he have a total personality change after they were married? I don't get it.

[lunatica]

4. Nasty people are always on their best behavior if they want something

then when they get it the nasty comes out.

It's a lot more common than one would think.

[raccoon]

22. That's a big 10-4. nt

[LynneSin]

6. They were TV Personalities - ABC probably pushed them to be all lovie-dovie

I'm guessing after years of fame in the 70s it turned more into a 'Stockholm Syndrome' where she just accepted that was how her husband was and she had to be in the marriage.

She said he ate a macrobiotic diet yet the guy always seemed a bit on the chunky side.

[Aristus]

3. I'm bald and I'm okay with it.

It seems weird to be proud of something that I can't control.

Anyway, the Captain & Tennille were the soundtrack of my idyllic childhood growing up in the 70's. I still listen to them for the nostalgia kick. Also because Toni Tennille (or Toni Tennell, as she was known back then) was in a dance class with my mother when they were both children in Montgomery, Alabama.

[lunatica]

5. Another illusion bites the dust

Are there no sacred delusions left anymore?!

[LynneSin]

7. It's like my childhood was just a dream, figments of my imagination

[Liberal_in_LA]

12. plus 1

[Kaleva]

8. Their Muskrat furry outfits are on sale on E-Bay.

[retread]

9. "...no physical affection..." "...slept in separate bedrooms..." That's why it was called

soft rock!

[TexasBushwhacker]

10. Daryl Dragon also has a neurological disease

Last edited Sun Apr 10, 2016, 11:38 AM - Edit history (1)

that causes tremors bad enough that he can no longer play the piano. Health issues and health insurance were both mentioned in the divorce papers. That being said, I don't really understand when someone decides to speak ill of a former spouse. No one made her stay with him.

[mackerel]

11. SNAP!!!!!!!!

[magical thyme]

13. seriously! nt

[Myrina]

14. Exactly. His characterization on the show was

... quiet, aloof, sort of nerdy. If we all could gather that thru the TV screen, why didn't she see it up close & in person? It took 39 years for her to realize? I call bullshit.

I have an aunt who was married for close to 50 years & then when her husband had a couple heart attacks & needed assisted living & the money started to dry up, she divorced him, took her "half" & moved to Florida. Cold hearted.

[TexasBushwhacker]

15. Yeah. She wasn't exactly trapped financially

Last edited Sun Apr 10, 2016, 03:37 PM - Edit history (1)

like many women, although we don't really know the state of their finances. No matter how much income you have, you can still be in debt up to your eyeballs.

I thought it was strange that she was even writing a memoir, but it looks like people wanted to read it:

http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/cr/1630761745/ref=mw_dp_cr?pageNumber=2

From the reviews, I learned that her father was an alcoholic and that Daryl also had a difficult childhood. That made me go "Ah!". Women with alcoholic fathers often go on to marry alcoholics, or otherwise difficult, distant men. They couldn't fix their father, so they repeat the relationship and desperately try to "fix" their broken husbands. I knew a woman who married 3 alcoholics!

So she may have decided to write the memoir to answer all the questions of "How could you divorce after 39 years?!!!!". Like my mother, who divorced my alcoholic, bipolar father after 38 years of marriage, Toni probably wants to live her retirement in peace. That being said, I would feel more comfortable if she waited until Daryl was deceased. He may have been "cold" but now he's old, sick and alone.

BTW, Tenille moved to Florida too!

[Duppers]

21. I agree wholeheartedly with you.

Darryl's failing general health, failing mental capacities, and Parkinson's tremors made his health insurance costs astronomical back before ACA. In addition, as you said, his Parkinson's tremors rendered him unable to play keyboards and therefore no longer able to contribute to their earning power.

All of this, along with his cold nature, it seems, made him a too heavy albatross around her pretty neck.

I've watched more than a dozen youtube interviews of them (just out of morbid curiosity because I loved them) and concluded that Darryl was as charming as a dead fish. And his lack of ability to further contribute to the duo's earning power became just one more negative incentive for her to stay with him.

With this book she's trying to elict the public's sympathies and compassion, in addition to earning herself more cash.

However, for her to walk away just when he became sick is as unflattering to her as his lack of attentiveness and affection. Besides, Toni herself has lost some voice quality.

But, I suppose, everyone has a last-straw breaking point.

It's a sad ending. I loved the illusion of the happy couple with their happy, upbeat songs of devotion. Is there Muskrat Love anywhere now?

[dembotoz]

16. sometimes you just do not get a divorce

have not lived with my wife for a number of years now.
its how we kept from not killing each other.

i used the excuse of staying married while my kids were in school in order to be able to see them.

youngest graduated a few years back
no longer valid excuse
we have not slept in the same room going on 20 years now

yes i can see how the divorce never took place.

yes my friend and family all say i should have divorced years ago

land of shoulda woulda coulda

i did not

[TexasBushwhacker]

18. I had a friend who was that way with his wife

They grew apart after she had a cancer battle and he was struggling with bipolar disorder. They just didn't feel the need to go through the legalities. She died eventually.

[UTUSN]

17. It ain't about baldness. So what did they *do* all those 39 years? Who cares, but

didn't *one* of them need to (fill in the blank).

Recently this "Happy" Hour dude tells everybody how his wife didn't give him sex for 13 years. Makes it sound like he was celibate all those years. These days he's a horndog, like in stripper customer, public display of "affection". He's a big time business owner, throws cash at the girls, tells everybody how much his half of the divorce cost (half million) and that he's supporting three at the moment.

But something doesn't ring true. Really, he didn't have sex (from the wife) for 13 years, or was it that horndog-him was (horndogging elsewhere) and the wife wouldn't be a leftover attraction?

Back to the thread, what was going on those 39 years?

[TexasBushwhacker]

19. Well, I think she was more in love with him than vice versa

They had been music partners and got their first record deal. The label told them they would be more marketable if they married, so they did. Their publicist even said they married on Valentine's Day even though they married in November. She says she was in love with him and tried to make it work, but he never loved her the way she wanted to be loved. But they had built a life together and bought a lot of real estate, so she stuck with it. She's 75 and from the South. Just like my mom (born in '34) stuck with my alcoholic, bipolar dad until she just couldn't take it anymore. That's just what her generation did.

Apparently he was blindsided by it.

[Blue_Tires]

20. There is no God...

[raccoon]

23. Yeah and when Charles and Diana got engaged, the media portrayed it as a fairy tale marriage,

like they were SOOOO much in love.

Turned out it was a fairy tale after all, though not in the way it was as first presented.

[TexasBushwhacker]

24. Poor Diana never had a chance

He was always in love with Camilla.

[JustABozoOnThisBus]

25. She gave him "an heir and a spare"

and then it was over.

[MuseRider]

26. They are entertainers.

You learn to present no matter what is happening. As to the rest of this? It is way more common than people think. Think con man (or women). Perhaps this illness and age presented her with the first real opportunity out without being crippled in some way herself?

[Paladin]

27. Never trust a man who's obsessive about hiding his baldness.

It's a huge indication of massive insecurity and toxic immaturity---whether it's the "Captain" with his hats, or Trump with his laughable comb-over.......

[KamaAina]

28. Or Rand Paul with the Worst Toupee In The Universe.

[Paladin]

29. Jeez---you can BUY a toupee that looks that bad?

I always figured it was his own horror-show hair. Kind of went with his seeming inability to get himself properly dressed, on any given day......

[LynneSin]

30. I say 'Embrace the baldness'

Nothing screams 'Not Sexy' like a bad combover. Worse is a bad combover with a guy with long hair. Long hair actuallys weighs down the hair and makes the bald spot look even worse when there is a combover involved.

Just be bald, embrace it. Don't try to hide the damn baldness because that's just a part of aging just like we women have to deal with things that are a 'part of aging'

[Paladin]

32. May your tribe increase...... ;) (nt)

[Ex Lurker]

33. What do you think of bald guys with pony tails?

I grew one. It probably looks stupid, but growing my hair long was on my bucket list, and better now than never.

[LynneSin]

35. I have no issue with long hair

but when someone with long hair has a massive bald spot it just makes the bald spot look even worse.

As for long hair, as long as it is somewhat clean then I'm fine with it. I'm at that age where cleanliness is always appreciated!

[Major Nikon]

43. Vanity is not exactly exclusive to men

If a hat speaks volumes about a man, one has to wonder what tea leaves are to be read from wigs, makeup, false eyelashes, aftermarket parts, hair dye, a considerably large segment of the fashion industry, and other things women use to hide physical imperfections.

[GOLGO 13]

31. 39 years is a long time to just sit around waiting for affection from your husband.

I remember she was attractive back in the day. The story sounds...strange to me.

[hollowdweller]

34. She should have dumped him and married Ron Jeremy

[bluedigger]

36. She should get a Lifetime Achievement Emmy.

Heck of an acting job.

[Major Nikon]

37. There's two sides to every story

According to him he never knew there was a problem until she actually had him served with divorce papers, which if true seems kinda shitty.

[Ex Lurker]

38. The first of my friends to get divorced surprised me

literally less than two weeks before, he was telling me how happy he was. Since then, nothing surprises me. I don't assume I know anything that happens behind closed doors in anyone else's relationship, and I don't take what people say about their relationships at face value.

[Major Nikon]

39. I've had similar experience with pairs of friends who got divorced

Both tell the same story about how they did no wrong and the other was a complete asshole, which you never heard about when they were married. I'm certain some divorces are one sided, but I'm also pretty sure that the truth often lies somewhere in the middle.

[TexasBushwhacker]

40. People can be oblivious though

My dad was an alcoholic and diagnosed as bipolar when he was in his 50s. Not an easy guy to be around. They had gone to a marriage counselor. My mother had moved out once. He talked her into coming back, promising he would quit drinking and take his meds. That's all my mother asked for. Then he started drinking again and quit his lithium. So finally she moved out and had him served with the papers. He was SHOCKED!

That being said, she may have threatened to leave for years, but hadn't. So when she finally did, he was surprised.

[Major Nikon]

41. True, but I don't know that she's disputing his story

She was also still living with him during and after she had him served.

If things were as one sided as she claims, why is it her that has bad things to say about him and not the other way around? From what I've witnessed, people that actually do have controlling personalities are usually the first ones to talk shit about their ex. I think by profiting from badmouthing him while he has not one bad thing to say about her reveals more about her than it does about him.

[TexasBushwhacker]

42. Oh, I agree

This memoir just seems like kicking him when he's down. As for the divorce, health insurance and medical expenses were mentioned in the divorce papers. Maybe she decided to take her half of the millions and bail rather than watch more of THEIR money go to paying HIS medical expenses.