Will you please give advice for a young man moving into his first apartment?

[Bertha Venation]

Both of my nephews are moving into their first apartments. One is 27, moving in with one male and two female roommates. (Only my nephew and one of the women have jobs . . . )

The other is 21, moving in with his girlfriend and two other roommates (gender unknown).

What advice would you give? Thank you.

[LynneSin]

1. Personally better to go with a lesser apartment with fewer roommates

A girlfriend/boyfriend is one thing but I have never seen a roommate situation end happily ever after. I've always went with smaller apartments in lesser locations (safe but not the 'hotspot' of where I was living) in order to have a place all my own. But that's just me.

HOWEVER.....

If you are going to have roommates then sit down with them now and make some guidelines over everything! How money is going to be split, food/personal items stored and even things like use of AC/Heat. And if you have that many roommates you need to discuss 'extras' that might show up at the house. My ex-boyfriend use to share a townhome with 3 other guys. It was a NIGHTMARE. Two of the guys had their girlfriends staying over all the time and those girlfriends always set the heat really high and ran the AC all the time - that really jacked up the expenses to the point that 4 of them were splitting the costs in a house where 6 people were actually living. My friend was PISSED when they had a 500 electric bill one month. The heat was electric and he felt that they were setting the heat way too high and they should turn down the heat during the day when all of them were out to work.

Personally, if it was me, I would track the # of people living in a place each month and divide the bill that way. That way if one of the roommate decides to have their girlfriend/boyfriend stay over ever night - that extra person has to share in the bills. Some of the things they should set guidelines for is how high to set the heat and Air. If people have individual AC units in their room - ask them to turn them off when they aren't in the room. THe AC should only take about 10 minutes to cool off a room when they finally do use it.

[LeftinOH]

2. Establish some ground rules for the bathroom (if shared);

if men and women are sharing a bathroom, some bathroom etiquette is essential (especially for the guys). Seat raising & lowering, "dribble spots", "floaties", etc. And anyone who leaves lots of hair in the shower drain- should remove it themselves. The tension among people who have to share a bathroom could become really intense if one of them leaves "a little something behind" each time they visit.

>>Food in the fridge which someone does *not* wish to share with anyone else should be marked as such; a permanent marker on a string attached to the fridge door is a helpful reminder.

>>The pileup of dirty dishes/glasses/tableware can get out of hand. If there's a dishwasher, then each person should rinse their own plates, etc. and load them in the machine.

.....In my experience, these have been the most notable areas of contention when people live together. Maintaining a household is difficult for some people to grasp -especially if Mom has always been around to keep things in order.

[snooper2]

3. Don't move into an apartment with people that don't have a job..

Keep all your personal stuff in your room not spread about...

Don't fill the fridge with a lot of food cause it will be eaten

Don't move into an apartment with people that don't have a job

[Bertha Venation]

4. too late

[LynneSin]

7. I can almost guarentee if your nephews hit up good will/thrift shops

They'll find a few personal size fridges in there for $20-$40.

[LynneSin]

6. Personally, if you can afford one of those small personal size fridges

I'd get one and put it the bedroom. That way you can keep track on your personal items. I'd also put a lock on the bedroom door.

[snooper2]

13. Or, all work at the same place :) , I had three roomates

before I made enough to be on my own....

Dave and I shared one bedroom. Another girl and guy who had been going out for a long time had the other one. The Girl I had gone all the way from kindergarten through High School at same schools. We all worked at Pizza Hut, that was our food source LOL...

Worked pretty good for about a year until they kept fighting and were about to break up, the lease was coming up, and we went our own ways-

[lastlib]

15. Did we mention not moving into apartment w/people that don't have jobs?

Just in case we didn't, Don't move into an apartment with people that don't have a job!

Oh, and Don't move into an apartment with people that don't have a job!!!

[Chan790]

23. By that logic, I'd never find an apartment.

I haven't had something that most people would consider a job in 8 months.

I'm a screenwriter. 1099 for Life and a lot of free-time to DU and Facebook.

[Nevernose]

5. Hang tasteful pictures on the wall

It'll help get 'em laid. People assume that if you have pictures (including frames) that you're not a loser.

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

8. Establish ground rules. In writing, so nobody can argue about them later.

These rules should cover:

Who gets to stay overnight (so friends/significant others don't become additional roommates).
Sharing of utilities and other expenses.
What happens if somebody can't pay their share of rent/utilities.
Cleanliness, especially of bathroom and kitchen - cleaning duties to be shared and allocated fairly.
Food - to be shared or managed individually?
Use of alcohol, cigarettes, pot, other substances.
What happens if somebody wants to or has to move out.
Whose name(s) should be on the lease.

Also, taking on roommates without jobs is asking for trouble. The people with jobs will inevitably get stuck for the rent and utilities.

[geardaddy]

9. Don't get a land line.

That way they all pay for their own cell phones.

[hunter]

24. I got burned on that one in days before cell phones.

I had my own room and my own phone.

One of my housemates got lonely and wanted to talk to his girlfriend on other side of the continent so he tapped into my phone line.

The long distance bill I got was twice what I was paying in rent.

With the help of my brothers I managed to collect by ambushing the guy one payday. And I don't feel bad about it either, he would have spent most of it on blow. But the phone company had already cut me off.

For a few years after that I had to pay a deposit for new phone service whenever I moved.

[kaitcat]

10. Cement blocks and wooden slats make great bookshelves.

Figure out a way to acquire your favorite traffic sign to be hung on the wall, stop, yield, deer crossing, whatever. Empty wooden cable reels make great coffee tables.

Congratulations on the kids moving out on their own! One my best friends has her two -- 23 and 22 -- at home and they are showing zero signs of wanting to leave.

[rug]

11. Always keep milk and cereal in the house.

You'll never starve.

[hunter]

25. With me it's rice.

You can cook anything with rice. If you're really desperate you can add fast food condiments: Ketchup, hot sauce, mustard, relish... those are vegetables, right?

[rug]

27. See, that's the problem. You have to cook it.

I do concur with ketchup, hot sauce, mustard and relish, especially relish.

[HappyMe]

12. Pay bills on time.

Clean up after yourself.

Respect is a 2 way street.

Have fun.

[davsand]

14. Keep track of who owns what when moving in.

Make a master list and keep it for when you all move out and split stuff up. Who owns what kitchen knife? Who owns the blender/cookie sheet/14 inch skillet. Who owns the TV set, stereo, bookshelves, recliner, sofa? You'd be amazed how much of a bitch it can be to split up a household!

I'd also urge a very frank talk abut who gets to be an overnight guest and under what circumstances. We had a house mate who moved his girlfriend in when she came down with the flu. That cow laid on my sofa in the living room for a week leaving snotty Kleenexes thrown all over the living room and leaving her dirty dishes everywhere. Two of us ended up sick along with her, and the house mate could not understand why we were pissed at him about it. He could not understand why we wanted her restricted to HIS personal space and not the common areas.





Laura

[Enrique]

16. make sure he knows proper dinner etiquette

salad fork vs. meat fork vs. dessert fork, etc. He won't want to make a bad impression.

[myrna minx]

17. Make sure to write down and photograph the condition of the apartment

at move in so they can't be charged for existing nicks and scratches and damages when they vacate. Get in writing who paid what portion of the security deposit. Know what the lease terms are and find out if there's early lease release penalty in case it doesn't work out. Leases are contracts and can be costly to break. If it's a carpet unit, find out if they're expected to have the carpets cleaned when they vacate.

Have an understanding up front about boyfriends/girlfriends staying over and if they're allowed to hang around when the SO is not present. Boyfriends/girlfriends have a way of "moving in" without paying rent.

Agree up front if milk/food/TP etc is community or if everyone buys their own. Resentments arise if one roommate is buying the TP, milk etc and everyone else uses it all up without replacing.

If living in an area that requires heat, try to find a place with it included in the rent. Heating bills can be astronomical if you don't live in an energy efficient home.

Read passive aggressive notes:
http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/category/roommates/

http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/category/movingnot-moving/

How exciting!

[SwissTony]

18. A few others

In the cleaning roster, make sure the weekly effort required is pretty much the same for each tenant. Include rotation in the roster so that everybody gets to do the crappy jobs as well as the easier ones.

Expect your books and CDs to wander, possibly never to return. You might want to think about copying your CDs and leaving the originals in a safe place e.g. Mum and Dad's. The same with books that you want to keep and don't need regularly. Just keep study books and second hand novels/books.

Establish rules for when someone can be asked to leave (e.g. for not paying rent) and stick to them.

Find out about their religious beliefs and examine whether there will be any kind of conflict.

Find out what things really drive people up the wall in a domestic situation. For example, one thing that drives me up the wall is to find a sink full of dirty dishes lying in scungey, cold water ("I'm just soaking them!!&quot . That's grounds for justifiable homicidal, IMO. If you can discourage these sorts of things, you will have a much less strained household and may contribute to the general cleanliness.

Don't forget that "guests" don't only mean extra costs, they also take up time and space. They will want to shower and may occupy the bathroom for a considerable period of time. Too bad if you want to get in and get ready for work or college. It can also be somewhat irritating if they are there "permanently". You might have thought you were sharing with Adam, Betty and Charles, but it seems you are also sharing with Dora, Edward and Francis. Give me some room, folks.

Don't share with people who don't have jobs.

[Major Nikon]

19. Keep a secret stash of rubbers and toilet paper

There's nothing worse than finding out at the last minute that your roomies used all of either one.

[avebury]

20. With the number of roomates that each of your nephews will

have - make sure the utility bills are not in their name. With that many roommates, some of who are not employed, your nephews won't have good control on how how or low the utility bills might go. If utility bills get out of hand, the person whose name the utility bill(s) is(are) in could end up with a major headache and ruined credit.

I would also be leery about moving into an apartment with unemployed people.

[HopeHoops]

21. KEEP RUBBERS EVERYWHERE - EVEN THE KITCHEN!

[MiddleFingerMom]

22. ESPECIALLY in the kitchen!!!

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Watch a few episodes of "Hoarders" and realize that it can be an extremely steep slippery slope.
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"Perimeter security" is an often-neglected area of "communal" living -- discuss how VERY important
it can be to both property and (especially) personal safety to lock all exterior-accessible doors and
windows when leaving the home.
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One person can strip an apartment of all its laptops in about 5 minutes or less.
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I don't think there's any need to mention the "personal safety" possibilities.
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I had two female roommates in PA who worked where I did -- they were supervisors and I was
a very happy grunt in the trenches. We had a "Three's Company"-type platonic relationship and
it was fantastic. We shared many of the same interests and two of us "vacationed" often at her
parent's retirement A-frame cabin deep in the woods along a little stream in the Poconos (I sure
miss her). I think her parents loved ME so much they wished we'd start fucking and take the
relationship to a higher level (she was into bad boys).
.
One Christmas, I got them each a half-day at a spa. From that point on, I could do NO wrong.
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In fact, I think every woman at work wanted to be my (at least) platonic roommate from that
point on ("OK, MFM -- I'll probably have to spend the weekends at home with my husband, but
I think I can manage weekdays as your roommate.&quot
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A half-day at a spa is my recommendation for keeping ANY roommate tolerance of your flaws
at its maximum level.
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[HopeHoops]

28. In every drawer, and yes, even under the sink.

[lunatica]

26. Ground rules up front with no exceptions

Kitchen must be kept clean at all times
bathrooms must be kept clean at all times
Personal belonging go in bedrooms, not in shared living spaces

establish what shared living space is
which includes bathrooms, kitchen and living/dining rooms

Establish when payments for rent, utilities are to be paid.

Other than that there are considerations like volume levels, guests, noise, parties etc.

Establish an agreed upon method of dealing with troublemakers, habitually late renters, and any other violation of the written and agreed upon rules stated above.

With ground rules like these people will make an effort to follow them and it'll be a lot easier living in a group setting.

[deucemagnet]

29. Learn to cook the following:

Beans and rice
Chili-mac
Pasta with cabbage
Spanish rice
Spaghetti with tuna
Spaghetti w/ garilic sauteed in olive oil (add any seasonal veg)
Vegetable stir-fry
Frittatas


Locate the nearest Aldi's. Their buyers look for cheapness AND quality. Buy items like pasta, rice, soy sauce, canned veg, tomato sauce, and flour here.

Find the local farmers' market and take advantage of local produce in season (it's cheap!).

Remember that any leftovers wrapped in a tortilla is a meal to go.