I don't mean to whine, but if I'm a little off for the near future, please be patient

[DFW]

After a 15 year absence, cancer has returned to plague my beautiful wife.

As I write this, she is in surgery, where a team of cancer specialists is removing all sorts of parts, some of which she can do without, some whose absence she will have to get used to missing. This is necessary to prevent a spread, as it is a rare, aggressive form. The oncologist said it usually strikes women past menopause and slender women. My wife is both (5'10", 130 pounds). I was not encouraged to read that Gwen Ifill just died of the same form of cancer.

She has managed to keep her good mood and smile for the 42 years I have known her. Here is a photo from just 4 months ago:
[URL=.html][IMG][/IMG][/URL]

If we're lucky, we'll have a lot more pics like that. If not, count on me being a wreck for a good long while.

I'll know more this afternoon. I'm not the nail-biting type, but any perceived outer calm is not an accurate reflection of the truth..

[dixiegrrrrl]

1. Hey...I am here. I hear you...

You and I briefly chatted before DU went down.

So the good news is she did get the operation quickly.
And that she has good doctors, I should think.

the not too good news is that there is nothing anyone can say right now that will keep you from climbing the walls, and the immediate uncertainty is torture.
I am so sorry you have to bear that.
talking can help, sometimes.

Feel free to pm me if it will help.
I am wide awake at 3:45 Central time.... have bad nights occasionally, so am up.

Sending crossed fingers and prayer for you both.

[DFW]

6. Thanks for the offer

She did indeed get a quick operation scheduled, which, considering Germany's two tier class system of medicine, was very fortunate. She is "second class," which means for most Germans, "don't call us, we'll call you." Luckily, her doctors recognized the aggressive form of cancer she had, said she couldn't afford to wait, and got her a slot.

I used to go crazy when during the primaries, so many posters were on here telling everyone about how Germany had a single payer system, when nothing of the sort is true. She had a thyroid tumor (benign) 4 years ago, and retired early. I have been paying the equivalent of about $500 a month for her health insurance until she hits 65, when the German version of Medicare kicks in.

Fortunately, we have a tight group of friends here. We all live within a few minutes' walk from one another, and I have people to talk to, even eat with if I feel like it. Where I am mostly on the road, she is always here, always ready to help out, and will reap the payback when she gets out of the hospital. Our younger daughter, who now has a job with a schedule like mine, is currently in Cuba, but will be back here in a few days. She will work from here for a week, which will free me up somewhat.

I have everything crossed but my eyes.

[TexasTowelie]

2. Sending good vibes and I hope that you have some good news.

[DFW]

8. Thanks, TX

I should know something in 4 or 5 hours.

[democrank]

3. Sending my best to you and your wife.

Stay strong and make every minute count.

[DFW]

9. Doing my best, anyway

And we do make every minute count. If it weren't for the fact that our daughters are now 33 and 31, I would have sworn that the 42 years went by in 42 minutes.

[redwitch]

4. Damn.

You two have such an amazing life. I am praying that her doctors can create a great outcome so you can continue with it. I am so sorry that you are dealing with this.

[DFW]

10. I know it hasn't been "typical"

If any life can be said to be typical. But we are in no hurry to have things end. After 42 years together, what would I do?

So, we'll deal with it. The alternative is not to be contemplated.

[Solly Mack]

5. Thinking of you both.

[DFW]

11. Thanks!

It can never hurt

[Solly Mack]

17. I'm heading into my third year of remission and I do understand

all too well what y'all are going through, and I am so sorry that it is happening again.

I want you both to have many more years of sharing photographs and stories of your beautiful family.

[DFW]

18. They say if you make it to five years, you're home free

Well, not always it seems.

I echo your sentiment!

Much appreciated

[Arkansas Granny]

7. I'm keeping you both in my thoughts.

[DFW]

12. Thanks for that!

We'll take any help we can get at this point.

[annabanana]

13. Oh my dear..

Hoping for the very best news. I hope you have someone to keep you company today. In person.

We of course, are back and here whenever you want to post updates.

Much Love
Ann

[DFW]

14. If I find out anything that is a clear result, I'll post

She'll be in the ICU overnight, but I can visit there this afternoon., which is still morning your time.

[cpamomfromtexas]

15. So sorry to hear this.

[DFW]

16. It's not the first time

We're hoping it's the last.

All the women in her family on her mom's side have had cancer, some twice, and all lived past 90. We're hoping she is no exception.

[steve2470]

19. Check your inbox please nt

[DFW]

26. Done, thanks!

[handmade34]

20. so sorry

sending you all the positive thoughts I can muster

[Grey Lemercier]

21. thoughts for you and your wife from me and mine from London

[DFW]

35. Much appreciated!

Here across the channel in Düsseldorf

[gademocrat7]

22. Sending prayers and hugs.

[DFW]

27. Can't hurt, thanks! n/t

[barbtries]

23. i'm so sorry to hear this.

i hope all the news from here on out is good news.

[DFW]

28. That makes three of us, thanks! n/t

[In_The_Wind]

24. Wishing Mrs DFW the best of luck winning her battle against cancer.

[DFW]

29. This is her second time around

Last time was in 2001. Two operations, chemo, radiation, a month in a cancer rehab spa (they have things like that here in Germany, and insurance covers it!).

Last time, it was an 8 month battle, but she beat it. We're hoping for a shorter ordeal but a similar outcome.

[mnhtnbb]

25. Holding good thoughts for you and your wife

and that the surgeons will get all of it.

I think being family is almost harder than being the one who is ill. There's just not much you can do.
When you're sick you can focus your mind on getting well and let people take care of you.

So, be sure to take care of yourself as your wife recuperates from the surgery. I'm a big believer
in the value of laughter and that it does contribute to healing. Whatever you can do to increase
the humor quotient in your daily lives will probably at least make you feel better in the short run and maybe even
help in the long run.

And hugs are beneficial, too. Touch is good. Reaching out to send you hugs.

[DFW]

32. We were joking around in the hospital last night

We both know what she's up against. Luckily, we have very close friends right here within minutes pf the house. As in one to three minutes walk. I have a table to sit at and food and drink if I find I'm in no shape to make my own. Plus, one of my daughters, who is currently in Cuba, arrives back here Sunday morning and will stay five days that she can't afford to take.

I'll know more this afternoon. Cross fingers, toes, eyes, and anything else that superstition and human anatomy permits.

[Paladin]

30. Best wishes to you and your wife. Hope everything goes well for her. (nt)

[DFW]

33. Thanks for that. We'll know soon n/t

[Xipe Totec]

31. Never Surrender

This is a poem I once got from my mother. Yes, my mother. Bravest woman I ever met.

After her second bout with breast cancer.

PS: She is still alive, after burying two husbands, two sons, and one daughter.

Do not surrender even when defeated,
and do not be a slave even in bondage,
trembling with fear advance bravely,
and attack with fury, though badly wounded.

Be as stubborn as a rusting nail,
that refuses to yield though old and ruined,
and do not envy the peacock's plumage,
that drops in fear at the first noise.

Be as a god that never cries,
or as a devil that never prays,
or as the oak whose mighty canopy,
needs of water but does not beg it.

Even when it rolls to the dust,
let your head scowl and bite,
and scream for vengeance.

- Pedro Palacios Almafuerte
Argentinian poet 1854-1917

[DFW]

34. We won't give up

Not that the amputation at the neck at the end of the poem is something we hope to face......

[japple]

36. (((((((DFW and wife)))))))

Hoping for the best...

[DFW]

43. Thanks!

We'll take all the positive thoughts we can get!

[babylonsister]

37. Love and healing vibes to your wife and you.

[DFW]

44. Every bit is appreciated!

Thanks for posting!

[MissHoneychurch]

38. Sending vibes to your wife and you!!!

Best of everything for both of you!!!

[DFW]

82. Danke!

We'll take all of that we can get!

[callous taoboy]

39. You are both in my thoughts, DFW.

I am looking forward to many more beautiful pics.

[DFW]

45. So am I!

For someone as beautiful as she is, she has never ever figured it out, never realized it.
And she is all the more beautiful for that.

[Cooley Hurd]

40. Man... hoping for the best of possible outcomes, my friend!

Sending the best vibes I can muster your way!

[femmocrat]

41. Sending love and prayers to you both.

I know from your writings here that she is an amazing woman. My very best wishes for her recovery.

[DFW]

46. The most amazing I have ever met

If anyone can overcome this, she can. She is out of the OR, so I am off to see her in a few minutes.

[Phentex]

42. Sorry to hear this...

I am sending positive thoughts to you both. Keep us posted.

[DFW]

47. I will, thanks!

I'm off to the hospital, as I have just been informed that she is out of surgery.

[lpbk2713]

48. I hope you both can quickly put this behind you.

And that you both enjoy many more life experiences after this is forgotten about.

[hermetic]

49. Wishing you both

the very best.

[greatauntoftriplets]

50. Best wishes to you and especially your wife.

I'll miss your wise voice during these dark days.

[DFW]

64. I should have more time to post than I normally do, actually

I am taking this week and probably most of next off from work to be there for her. My German-based daughter will stay with us when she gets in from Cuba on Sunday (direct flights from Havana to Düsseldorf!), and that will allow me to run a few errands. But I'll be here in case she needs me for something, or just wants a warm hand to hold. Work can wait, and RHIP.

[panader0]

51. All the best to you both....

[LiberalLoner]

52. I am so sorry.

Sending good vibes to you and your wife.

[OregonBlue]

53. I will light a candle for both of you. Don't forget to take care of yourself so you can take care

of her.

[PennyK]

54. I send my good wishes

I'm through with most of my treatments for breast cancer and I've been able to stay in good spirits for most of it. Having a great partner has made it so much easier! And your wife is so lucky to have you by her side.

[DFW]

77. She had breast cancer 15 years ago

The treatments took the better part of a year. But she did beat it. This is round two, and the operation was much more serious.

I'm the lucky one to have her by my side. I'm also lucky enough to work for an outfit big enough to have people to step in for me and yet small enough to have the top guys tell me to take whatever time off I need to take care of her.

[CaliforniaPeggy]

55. Ah, my dear DFW..........for you both, my enduring love and caring!

I hope beyond hope for excellent news.

Wish I could help, beyond these keystrokes.

for you both! ♥

[progressoid]

56. I don't know what to say.

But I wish you and your lovely wife the best.

[mainstreetonce]

57. Prayers and good wishes

Beautiful picture.

[Worried senior]

58. Your wife is a

beautiful woman, I am wishing you both the best.

[Lionel Mandrake]

59. Like others in this thread,

I wish you and your wife the very best, and I wish I could help.

[DFW]

80. Good thoughts and hope

That helps plenty!

[Fla Dem]

60. Peace be to you and your wife. Bountiful good wishes sent your way. I hope for the best. nt

[Kali]

61. oh damn!

hoping all goes well and she follows the family tradition of beating it and living into her 90's!

[Baitball Blogger]

62. .

[DFW]

63. Thanks to all, and here is my first post-op report:

There were 7 polyps in her colon. They, along with everything they removed, "looked" non-malignant, but then so did the sample that turned out to be malignant that warranted this whole mess in the first place. They also looked at several key points that are apparently indicative of trouble elsewhere, and they were unaffected.

Everything was sent to the lab for biopsy. If they're quick, we find out Friday. If not, then Monday.

She was very tired. It was a heavy surgery, and took its toll. She was pale and weak, but basically in as good spirits as could be expected. One of her doctors (not the head surgeon) said she took it like a trooper, and was well enough not to need time in intensive care, but rather, after waking up, was brought right back to her room. They said that after such heavy surgery, that doesn't happen often, especially not in someone 64 years old. I spent a little over an hour with her, but she needed rest, and I left back for Ratingen around 7:15. The hospital is in Düsseldorf-Kaiserswerth.

I'll look in on her tomorrow, of course. She is not out of the woods until we hear that all biopsies were negative, and that is by no means a given. If there is no further malignancy, there is a decent chance she will escape chemo this time, which is the one thing she does NOT want to go through again. Because of all the polyps, she will require a colonoscopy once a year for the foreseeable future--unpleasant, but the least of our worries if all else is well. Again, we don't know that, but under the circumstances, a little optimism is permitted. Not time for celebration yet, but guarded optimism.

For those who are newer here and don't know much about her, here is a photo taken in my erstwhile hometown of Barcelona when she was 46. It best reflects her attitude and personality, which as California Peggy and Lionel Mandrake will confirm, is a beacon of positive thinking and kindness toward all:

[URL=.html][IMG][/IMG][/URL]

I won't know any more until tomorrow.

[In_The_Wind]

65. Keeping my fingers crossed for good news.

[Solly Mack]

66. Hang in there. Thank you for the update.

Keep us posted, please.

The wait. I hated the wait.

[DFW]

68. So do we

Leaving us in limbo like this is cruel and unusual punishment

[CaliforniaPeggy]

67. My dear DFW!

Guarded optimism will just have to do, for now.

I'm glad she did well enough to not need ICU monitoring.

The photo is great and truly reflects her positive kind self! Lionel joins me in wishing her the best possible outcome!

for you both...

Till tomorrow...

[DFW]

84. You and Lionel are the only ones on DU who have actually met her

So you know how special she truly is.

[CaliforniaPeggy]

86. We felt so lucky to meet her and you both!

She is a treasure.

[DFW]

87. We were fortunte to get together

For once, my/our crazy schedule led us to your corner of the planet, and THAT was a chance we were NOT going to pass up.

She is indeed a treasure, and one I plan to hang onto as long as fate is willing to permit.

[CaliforniaPeggy]

89. So true!

Next time you must stay with us!

I hope you both will.

[DFW]

90. First, we have to get her out of this &)(/(%&%! hospital

THEN we'll start in again with making travel plans!

[Pathwalker]

75. I hope you don't mind if I pray for your lovely wife.

Wishing her a full recovery and many long, happy years for you both. Hugs from across the pond for you both.

[DFW]

83. Go right ahead!

I've never known it to do any harm!

[redwitch]

85. Thank you for the update.

Amazing that she didn't have to be in ICU, she is one tough cookie! Sending my prayer for her healing, may the wind carry it to her across the ocean. Hang in there my friend! Waiting for results is so stressful.

[DFW]

88. No ICU blew me away, too

At first, I didn't know if it meant the surgeon was happy with how things went, or if he considered it a hopeless case, but, I quickly found out it was the former.

Now it's hurry up and wait. We HATE that part.

[elleng]

69. :grouphugS:

[DFW]

70. Thanks, Ellen

We are just looking forward, as if this were another glitch, like the last bout of cancer she had.

If we're wrong, there will be plenty of time to yell in rage.

[ailsagirl]

71. Sending my very best thoughts and prayers to you and your wife, DFW

[LeftInTX]

72. Your wife is beautiful

I will keep both of you in my thoughts and prayers.

[DFW]

81. It can never hurt

Thanks for posting!

[rurallib]

73. Best hope and wishes for a good outcome

[hibbing]

74. Hang in there

I have always enjoyed your posts.


Peace

[DFW]

78. I'm trying, thanks

And thanks for the kind words. Your sentiments are definitely NOT universally shared!

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

76. Hoping for the best for your wife, and for you, too.

[DFW]

79. She's bearing the heaviest burden by far

But it would wreck me, too, if I lost her, so that's just not an outcome we are listing among the possibilities right now.

[blue neen]

91. Best wishes to all of the DFW family.

I hope your wife feels better very soon and that you get the news you most want to hear---that she is healed.

It's tough. Our adult son is having a horrible health problem right now. So frightening and stressful.

I always enjoy reading your "voice of reason" views here. Logic and reason can sometimes be in slow supply.

It's so strange how we can be calm in the face of major crisis, isn't it?

[DFW]

92. Thanks for that

Calm in the face of crisis isn't always a sign of fortitude (at least on my part). It's sometimes just the only option left.

My best wishes for your son. I know health care in the States can be very lopsided, and sometimes very scary. Our elder daughter had a thyroid tumor, and she lives some 4000 miles away from us. My wife flew over to be with her during her operation to remove it. The hospital wanted to toss her out the day of the operation, and everyone, including her surgeon went ballistic. I think she would have collapsed and died if they had done that and she was on her own. Even then, they only kept her overnight. My wife had a similar operation here in Germany, and they kept her in the hospital for 6 days to make sure all was well. Health care seems to be a very yin-yang thing in Germany and the States. In the States, the doctors seem to care a lot more than they do here, but due to how the whole financing structure, the system doesn't care at all. Here in Germany, it's the opposite. The system, while not perfect (and not everyone is covered), is set up to take maximum care of patients, but things take longer (sometimes much longer) because the doctors don't care.

[denbot]

93. That sucks DFW.

Our most sincerest wishes for a successful treatment from my family to yours.

[DFW]

94. Thanks, it's appreciated

I was with her again today, and she was much stronger, could take a few steps by herself.

The worst part is that they keep us waiting for the biopsy results, and since there were none today, not we hear nothing until Monday at the earliest. There about 20 friends that want to come by and visit and about 50 more that want to call. I am not the only one that knows what a special person she is, it seems.

But her inner strength is keeping her looking better from one day to the next. If the biopsies are clean, it'll be a big moral boost, just as the opposite will be an equally horrible setback.

So, it's hurry up and wait, as horrible as that is.