The DU Lounge

rug

(82,333 posts) Sun Dec 25, 2016, 08:58 PM Dec 2016

What Did We Get Stuck In Our Rectums Last Year?

Barry Petchesky
Today 9:35am

Deadspin’s Christmas Day tradition returns. It is time to sound the depths of the U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission’s database of emergency room visits. Below are the strangest, most awkwardly shaped, and least pleasant objects that America has shoved into its various holes. God bless us, everyone.

As always, objects are sorted by orifice, working south:

Ear

DEFLATED BALLOON
BEETLE
“PLACED TOILET PAPER IN EAR SO WOULDNT HAVE TO HEAR NEIGHBORS”
CHESS PIECE
PLASTIC DRINKING STRAW
PAPER NAPKINS
HAIRPIN
HAIR BAND
GASOLINE
“CRAYON STUCK IN EAR FOR 2 WEEKS”
END OF SHOELACE
FAKE DIAMOND
PAPER & AN ERASER
BALL FROM EYEBROW RING
DOG’S PAW

Nose

PEBBLE FROM THE FISH TANK
“STUCK A RAISIN UP HIS RIGHT NOSTRIL, BROTHER TRIED TO REMOVE WITH TWEEZERS BUT PATIENT MOVED”
STOVE PELLET
“WAS LAYING ON HIS BACK AT SCHOOL WHEN AN ERASER FELL INTO HIS NOSTRIL”
PLASTIC SNAKE
MAGNETS UP EACH NOSTRIL
PLASTIC HEARTS IN EACH NOSTRIL
BABY WIPE
MINI HOCKEY STICKS
EGG DYE TABLET

Throat

RULER
BRANCH
STALE CAKE
“ACCIDENTALLY SWALLOWED A PILL BOTTLE WHEN TAKING HIS MEDICATION”
ASTHMA INHALER
“WAS OPENING A BOTTLE OF SODA W/ HIS TEETH & BOTTLE CAP FLEW DOWN HIS THROAT”
HOOP EARRING
PLASTIC HONEY FILLED STRAW
“PLAYING WITH A BLOW DART GUN, BLEW THE PIN OUT, IT HIT THE WALLFLEW BACK INTO PATIENTS THROAT AND HE SWALLOWED IT”
CANADIAN QUARTER
“INHALED A WASP WHILE JOGGING NOW THROAT SWELLING”
PAINT-STIRRING STICK & PAINT
“HELD DOWN IN ART CLASS, CLASSMATE SHOVED SEQUINS DOWN THROAT”
DOG SHAMPOO
GLOW STICKS
“EATING CLUB SANDWICH AND PART OF TOOTHPICK BROKE OFF, HE SWALLOWED IT, SCRATCH IN THROAT, ABLE TO FINISH SANDWICH”

http://adequateman.deadspin.com/what-did-we-get-stuck-in-our-rectums-last-year-1790335507

The good stuff is at the link.

31 replies

= new reply since forum marked as read

Highlight:

What Did We Get Stuck In Our Rectums Last Year? (Original Post) rug Dec 2016 OP

all those happy years I worked XRay.. irisblue Dec 2016 #1

A picture is worth a thousand words. rug Dec 2016 #3

(if only this a**hole had had a gun........ lastlib Dec 2016 #7

Perfect picture of where a gun billh58 Dec 2016 #16

How did that candy cane not snap? True Dough Dec 2016 #22

Now that I think about it, the hook cold have been worked around the opening. rug Dec 2016 #24

Any time you think sticking things places, these cases should come to mind. liberal N proud Dec 2016 #2

Don't be so cynical. I'm sure most of these incidents are accidental. rug Dec 2016 #4

Probably, but if your putting it in there... liberal N proud Dec 2016 #5

Maybe he had an ulterior reason? Baitball Blogger Dec 2016 #13

I like it Angry Dragon Dec 2016 #31

Ouch krispos42 Dec 2016 #6

Re: the bowling pin incident, montana_hazeleyes Dec 2016 #8

That would have left a tricky split. rug Dec 2016 #12

LOL! montana_hazeleyes Dec 2016 #17

You're doing it wrong: ACCIDENTALLY SWALLOWED A PILL BOTTLE WHEN TAKING HIS MEDICATION FSogol Dec 2016 #9

Our heads (collectively, if not individually) on Nov. 8. The Velveteen Ocelot Dec 2016 #10

I am sitting here... 3catwoman3 Dec 2016 #11

Truly LOL material. "PUT A PENCIL UP RECTUM TO MAKE BOWEL MOVEMENT TO GET GAUZE PATIENT JudyM Dec 2016 #14

"SMILEY HAND TOY FROM VENDING MACHINE, MOM NOTED A RUBBER HAND PROTRUDING FROM RECTUM" rug Dec 2016 #15

The constipated mathematician who worked it out with a pencil. longship Dec 2016 #28

"We"? What do you mean "we"? Ron Obvious Dec 2016 #18

I'm only admitting to the glow sticks. rug Dec 2016 #19

That and the decorative pumkin Ron Obvious Dec 2016 #20

I read the subject, and I thought this belonged in the DU Confessional (n/t) Kennah Dec 2016 #21

The child of a friend of mine put a lego up his nostril milestogo Dec 2016 #23

I took head x rays of a 5/6 yr old who had put 3 bbs in his right nasal passage. irisblue Dec 2016 #29

And when the Unspeakable went for his medical check-up... LeftishBrit Dec 2016 #25

Juggling the ribs of Oswald Mosley. rug Dec 2016 #26

And to you - may there be fewer fascists around! LeftishBrit Dec 2016 #27

...Trump, or is that this year with 4 more to go? pressbox69 Dec 2016 #30

irisblue

(32,969 posts)

1. all those happy years I worked XRay..

Reply to rug (Original post)

Sun Dec 25, 2016, 09:07 PM

Dec 2016

Strange days & good times.

rug

(82,333 posts)

3. A picture is worth a thousand words.

Reply to irisblue (Reply #1)

Sun Dec 25, 2016, 09:16 PM

Dec 2016

lastlib

(23,222 posts)

7. (if only this a**hole had had a gun........

Reply to rug (Reply #3)

Mon Dec 26, 2016, 02:22 AM

Dec 2016

...pointed in the right direction...............

billh58

(6,635 posts)

16. Perfect picture of where a gun

Reply to rug (Reply #3)

Mon Dec 26, 2016, 05:18 PM

Dec 2016

is properly stored.

True Dough

(17,303 posts)

22. How did that candy cane not snap?

Reply to rug (Reply #3)

Tue Dec 27, 2016, 12:26 AM

Dec 2016

They seem so brittle in other circumstances!

rug

(82,333 posts)

24. Now that I think about it, the hook cold have been worked around the opening.

Reply to True Dough (Reply #22)

Tue Dec 27, 2016, 06:39 AM

Dec 2016

It would have to have been a hell of an accident.

liberal N proud

(60,334 posts)

2. Any time you think sticking things places, these cases should come to mind.

Reply to rug (Original post)

Sun Dec 25, 2016, 09:15 PM

Dec 2016

rug

(82,333 posts)

4. Don't be so cynical. I'm sure most of these incidents are accidental.

Reply to liberal N proud (Reply #2)

Sun Dec 25, 2016, 09:19 PM

Dec 2016

http://metro.co.uk/2008/10/31/vicar-hospitalised-with-potato-up-his-bum-95117/#ixzz1qTLCJxGp

liberal N proud

(60,334 posts)

5. Probably, but if your putting it in there...

Reply to rug (Reply #4)

Sun Dec 25, 2016, 09:59 PM

Dec 2016

You have to think, what if it gets stuck.

Just saying.

Baitball Blogger

(46,703 posts)

13. Maybe he had an ulterior reason?

Reply to liberal N proud (Reply #5)

Mon Dec 26, 2016, 03:06 PM

Dec 2016

Angry Dragon

(36,693 posts)

31. I like it

Reply to Baitball Blogger (Reply #13)

Tue Dec 27, 2016, 06:43 PM

Dec 2016

krispos42

(49,445 posts)

6. Ouch

Reply to rug (Original post)

Mon Dec 26, 2016, 01:14 AM

Dec 2016

Ouch ouch ouch ouch....

montana_hazeleyes

(3,424 posts)

8. Re: the bowling pin incident,

Reply to rug (Original post)

Mon Dec 26, 2016, 02:43 AM

Dec 2016

wondering, good grief, it couldn't have been regulation size?!?

rug

(82,333 posts)

12. That would have left a tricky split.

Reply to montana_hazeleyes (Reply #8)

Mon Dec 26, 2016, 02:26 PM

Dec 2016

montana_hazeleyes

(3,424 posts)

17. LOL!

Reply to rug (Reply #12)

Mon Dec 26, 2016, 05:34 PM

Dec 2016

FSogol

(45,481 posts)

9. You're doing it wrong: ACCIDENTALLY SWALLOWED A PILL BOTTLE WHEN TAKING HIS MEDICATION

Reply to rug (Original post)

Mon Dec 26, 2016, 01:41 PM

Dec 2016

The Velveteen Ocelot

(115,681 posts)

10. Our heads (collectively, if not individually) on Nov. 8.

Reply to rug (Original post)

Mon Dec 26, 2016, 01:46 PM

Dec 2016

3catwoman3

(23,975 posts)

11. I am sitting here...

Reply to rug (Original post)

Mon Dec 26, 2016, 02:23 PM

Dec 2016

...weak from raucous laughter.

I think I will save this to read again on January 20th to help distract me from the gloom of the imposter installation.

JudyM

(29,233 posts)

14. Truly LOL material. "PUT A PENCIL UP RECTUM TO MAKE BOWEL MOVEMENT TO GET GAUZE PATIENT

Reply to rug (Original post)

Mon Dec 26, 2016, 04:26 PM

Dec 2016

SWALLOWED TO COME OUT” (all caps in original)

Whaaaaaa?!

More great ideas at the link. Thanks for posting!

rug

(82,333 posts)

15. "SMILEY HAND TOY FROM VENDING MACHINE, MOM NOTED A RUBBER HAND PROTRUDING FROM RECTUM"

Reply to JudyM (Reply #14)

Mon Dec 26, 2016, 05:00 PM

Dec 2016

There is no way to explain this and retain one's dignity.

longship

(40,416 posts)

28. The constipated mathematician who worked it out with a pencil.

Reply to JudyM (Reply #14)

Tue Dec 27, 2016, 10:20 AM

Dec 2016

A very old math joke.

(BTW, any math joke is good.)

Ron Obvious

(6,261 posts)

18. "We"? What do you mean "we"?

Reply to rug (Original post)

Mon Dec 26, 2016, 05:42 PM

Dec 2016

I got hardly any of these things stuck in MY rectum last year!

Jeez.

rug

(82,333 posts)

19. I'm only admitting to the glow sticks.

Reply to Ron Obvious (Reply #18)

Mon Dec 26, 2016, 05:43 PM

Dec 2016

Ron Obvious

(6,261 posts)

20. That and the decorative pumkin

Reply to rug (Reply #19)

Mon Dec 26, 2016, 05:48 PM

Dec 2016

Oh, and the curtain rod, but that's IT!

Oh, and the shot glass, of course.

It was an uneventful year.

Kennah

(14,261 posts)

21. I read the subject, and I thought this belonged in the DU Confessional (n/t)

Reply to rug (Original post)

Mon Dec 26, 2016, 07:46 PM

Dec 2016

milestogo

(16,829 posts)

23. The child of a friend of mine put a lego up his nostril

Reply to rug (Original post)

Tue Dec 27, 2016, 01:05 AM

Dec 2016

when he was 3 or 4. He started having headaches at age 12 and the lego showed up in his sinus.

irisblue

(32,969 posts)

29. I took head x rays of a 5/6 yr old who had put 3 bbs in his right nasal passage.

Reply to milestogo (Reply #23)

Tue Dec 27, 2016, 11:12 AM

Dec 2016

My sister did daycare for a very young kid who put a small chunk of celery in his nose, she was cool enough under pressure to pull it out using tweezers; we immediately renamed him the celery king.