A friend was handed a death sentence from his oncologist today...3 weeks to 3 months.

[Miles Archer]

He had posted earlier that the cancer he's been fighting had spread to his spine. I knew what was coming next but wasn't prepared to actually hear it.

He was later informed that he had 3 weeks to 3 months left.

We were friends in California...haven't seen him since leaving there in 2012 (actually a decade or so before that).

He's a former Marine, so he had Veterans benefits and medical coverage, but today was the "We've done all we can" talk. He's saying his goodbyes.

Cancer still sucks.

[WhiteTara]

1. Death comes to us all. But cancer is a particularly hard way

to die. I'm sorry for your friend. I hope you call him and just be there for him.

[Miles Archer]

5. He can no longer speak, but...

...I have reached out to him on Facebook.

[WhiteTara]

6. Oh, wow. Hold yourself tight.

Death will be a relief for him but the grief for us that remain is very real.

[Miles Archer]

8. He, my brother in law, and I, were...

...the 3 Stooges with Cheech and Chong overtones, about 30 years ago. We all went our separate ways, many miles between. He recently reconnected with my brother in law on Facebook and this all escalated rapidly.

So yes, I'm there for him, to the best of my ability.

I hate saying goodbye. Always have. Always will.

[BootinUp]

13. Ty for sharing your story.

I'm gonna cry now.

[ghostsinthemachine]

2. Sorry for your friend, and yourself

I was stage 3 esophogeal, and beat it. Diagnosed Dec 12th 2016. My ex wife, was stage 4 diagnosed in August and she passed Christmas day last year.

Cancer sucks. I remember the period from finding tumor, PET scan to the oncology meeting where you find out stages and treatment. Very harrowing time. Relieved like you would not believe to find I was stage 3.

[DonCoquixote]

11. if I may ask, how did you beat it

there is a surgery, but my relative doctor says she is not healthy for it yet (after 4 weeks of chemo and rad)

[ghostsinthemachine]

31. An esophoctomy.

My stomach was moved and became my esophagus. Chemo and radiation shrunk the tumor, 6 weeks later removal of esophagus on may 11. I'm almost done.

I've had no effects really. Eating I think I've got a handle on. I've got my hair. I never felt bad, threw up, none of that. I'm lucky, but not everyone is able to have the organ or place removed. And at stage 4, generally the cancer is in more than one organ or lymph nodes. My cancer was in my esophagus only, with my lymph nodes showing possible only. That never showed again and doesn't now.

Stage 4 patients don't have operations because it has spread. No place to operate. So they stay on chemo for as long as they live. Sometimes the chemo, radiation works and shrinks tumors and then an operation is done, but that is rare. The patient is worn down by chemo and radiation that the operation would kill them.

[mchill]

21. Congrats Ghost

I'm running in months past 5 years, but they never consider BC cured, so every ache and pain, ugh, but your comment about your harrowing time SO TRUE! I remember being in shock, being led from MRI to PetScan to other scans. Couldn't even follow simple directions. It settles down with a treatment plan. I have the stupid BRCA2 gene, and based on Aunts that survived their BC, other cancers are likely in my future. And damn it, those Republicans named their new healthcare plan BCRA...stupid.

[alfredo]

27. Us survivors feel like we dodged a bullet, but There' that vague dread.

It is sad when someone doesn't make it.

[Wellstone ruled]

3. It sucks,

know to well what that story is. Family friend entered Hospice last Saturday. We will say good bye this Saturday,hopping he lives that long. Similar symptoms,the Doc's to him last week Tuesday that he had about three weeks and should get his affairs in order.

Buried Two Sister in laws in 15' both passed from Breast and Lung Cancer six months apart.

[elfin]

4. A friend of mine diagnosed with stage four ovarian cancer....

twenty years ago. An anomaly to be sure, but....

You never really know, while this sounds truly devastating.

[GP6971]

7. Very hard on the individual

It's the final chapter of life and I went through it with my wife and a good friend. Both were very determined and made it through the process and both actually took solace in their goodbyes. My wife had the same time line diagnosis but she fought it and actually was very functional for five and half months before she died 6 weeks later.

[appleannie1943]

9. My father had prostate cancer that went to his spine before there was such a thing as hospice and

codeine was the strongest thing a doctor could legally prescribe for pain. I hope your friend chooses hospice. When my mom had cancer 17 years later, she opted for hospice. They provided morphine liquid and near the end I gave it to her ever 4 to 6 hours and the last couple days patted inside her mouth. She left us peacefully in her sleep. I wish that for your friend and strength for you and family members.

[Miles Archer]

10. His most recent post, about an hour ago, was about his seeking hospice care.

He told my sister earlier that he's ready, he's accepting it. The thing that is tearing him up is saying his goodbyes. I think that once he crosses that hurdle and gets into a peaceful facility, he'll find peace...as much as one can under these circumstances.

[The_REAL_Ecumenist]

52. Hello Miles Archer... I was diagnosed with stage 4b metastatic squamous cell carcinoma

complicated with internal gangrene in February 2011. I wasn't expected to survive the night, while undergoing surgery & then, was not expected to leave hospital, (UC DAVIS). I found out about 8 months later that I was supposed to be dead by March 2011. I haven't had any sort of "treatment, (chemo, radiation etc). since September 30 2011. I did research and began using EFFECTIVE remedies & at the moment, I have been using cannabis oil. ITDOES WORK. What state is your friend in? (BTW, I found out in late winter, early spring that I was in home hospice AND never knew it until I found the paperwork while doing som early spring cleaning). IF I can help in ANYWAY, please let me know...If you want my number &/or email, please let me know and I will send it for you to get the info from me to help your friend.

[cwydro]

54. How can you "not know" that hospice is involved?

Hospice helped me in my mother's final days. It is an extremely thorough process involving many people, equipment etc.

[The_REAL_Ecumenist]

55. The hospital NEVER told us. I had a home health nurse that visitted me 4 times a week over the

course of 6 weeks because I had a PICC line with 24 hours of HIGH dose antibiotics. Evidently, I was in hospice but so help me God, neither I nor my husband knew it. He signed paperwork for the visiting nurse program BUT until I found the paperwork late winter/early spring, I had NO EARTHLY idea that I was in hospice. I ended up treating in Goodyear AZ, (I HATE AZ), @ CTCA because the treatment plan that the Cancer Center @ UCD had formulated would have killed me because I was debilitated. They wanted to start me on a HEAVY duty Chemo, which I would have taken 5 days a week @7 am, followed by heavy radiation @1pm.... I was so shocked but I giggled when I realised what I was looking at when I pulled out the hospice paperwork pamphlet. i don't know why we, (Bae &me), were in the dark but so help me by all that exists, I had NO idea I was enrolled into Hospice.

[shenmue]

12. ...

[steve2470]

14. so sorry to hear this

take care of yourself during your grief

[CaliforniaPeggy]

15. I am so sorry to hear this, my dear Miles Archer...

Yes, death comes for all of us, but when it's this sudden thing, it's so much harder to comprehend, never mind accept.

I hope you can stay in touch via Facebook in the meantime. I think that will help both of you.

We have a Bereavement Group here, and reading there might help you. Here's the link: https://www.democraticunderground.com/?com=forum&id=1234

May he pass gently and without pain or trouble.

Please take care of yourself too.

[HipChick]

16. It's hard....lost my SIL at 32 to Liver Cancer

left a 9yr daughter....my brother raised her alone...she just turned 18...It's hard to come to terms with that person not being there...even 9yrs later..

[sueh]

17. (((hugs)) Miles Archer, for you and your dear friend.

[Lyricalinklines]

18. ...

[Binkie The Clown]

19. I lost my father, my wife, and four uncles to cancer.

It breaks my heart every time I hear of another cancer diagnosis.

[DRoseDARs]

20. A frnd's older sis was given 3-6mths, after 5wks revised down to days. Died that week.

Fuck cancer.

[mchill]

22. What kind of cancer?

[DRoseDARs]

23. Bone marrow cancer. It had metastasized too. nt

[mchill]

40. It is the mets that will kill you with certain types of cancers

They don't call them "vital" organs for no reason. Sorry about your friend.

[snacker]

24. Hugs...

[Honeycombe8]

25. Horrible. Just horrible. nt

[Docreed2003]

26. So sorry to hear this Miles...

My thoughts are with you and your friend....

[orangecrush]

28. ...

Just lot a Vietnam vet friend to cancer days ago.

[benld74]

29. Prayers to your friend and you

[emmadoggy]

30. I'm so sorry for your friend,

and for you. Cancer sucks!! I can't imagine how hard it would be to get that news.

My mom has been undergoing treatment for a very rare, high grade sarcoma since the end of March. Just had the surgery on Friday. The past week has been enormously stressful and exhausting, and we still have a LONG way to go. Worry is the status quo these days...

[Miles Archer]

35. It's getting the news that's the worst

I sat there in the doctor's office decades ago with my dad when he "got the news."

It's been in freeze-frame in my memory ever since. He had multiple myeloma. It doesn't manifest itself like some of the more treatable cancers. It's a bullet. When you get THAT diagnosis, your option is basically to start saying your goodbyes.

Prayers and my thoughts to you and your mom.

[emmadoggy]

47. Thank you.

So sorry about your dad.

[herding cats]

32. I'm so sorry. I despise cancer.

My heart hurts for you, and for all who knows and cares about him.

I been through losing a friend to cancer. Having been up close and watched the process intimately three times now, by the point your friend is at, being released from the burden of the disease is almost welcome for those enduring the process.

Cancer stole my grandfather as a child in the 1980's, my father (step dad who raised me) in 2013, and my best friend of 30+ years this past January. They all died too young.

They all had different forms of cancer, but I still hate the very mention of the word. Fuck you cancer!

[GallopingGhost]

33. Sorry to hear.

Lost my mom to cancer.

It is a very cruel and sucky disease I hope they eradicate sometime in the near future.

[kairos12]

34. Horrible. I hope his family and friends ease his passing with love and compassion.

[Miles Archer]

36. He replied to everyone this morning:

"Thank you all so much, you all had such warm wishes, I can not thank you all enough, I will miss you all through eternity"

So he has the support system. He is definitely surrounded by friends, including physically by his side and long distance via the internet. As I mentioned above, he lost his voice, so two-way phone conversations are not an option. As long as he is physically and mentally able to keep a presence on Facebook, we'll all be there for him.

[panader0]

37. Sorry to hear this--cancer sucks.

I lost two friends to it in the past month.

[hamsterjill]

38. I am so sorry to learn this.

It's hard to watch those we care about suffer. I know that he will benefit from your friendship at this time in his life. Be there for him when you can, and let him tell you what he needs.

Yes, cancer still sucks...

[Miles Archer]

39. You're 100% right on all of this

When I reached out to him last night I said I was sorry and lacked the words, and that I was there for him.

In my experience, more often than not, that's all people want and need...to know that you are there for them.

There's a time for speeches and words of encouragement. This was not that time, and if that does become what he needs, he will make it known.

[niyad]

41. so very sorry to hear this. please be gentle with yourself, and know that your du family is here.

praying for a gentle passing for your friend.

FUCK CANCER.

[DFW]

42. Cancer sucks big time.

My wife has already had it twice, and her brother died of it at age 51. My parents both had it, and so did all of their siblings. One cousin already died of it at age 41.

So, with me, it's not a question of "if," but "when." I'm in no rush. I could get the news tomorrow or in twenty years.

I wish your friend could get a miraculous reprieve, but he appears to know that it's not in the cards. I wish him a brave and gentle passing.

[Beaverhausen]

43. I have a friend with inoperable brain cancer

The most aggressive kind. She has fought for 3 years and is beating the odds, but all too soon she will lose her fight.

I'm so sorry about your friend.

Cancer most certainly sucks.

[Loryn]

44. I am so sorry.

I lost my sister in March. Nothing prepares you, and the world will never be the same.


Fuck cancer.

[left-of-center2012]

45. I've been there with my family

One brother died of a brain tumor, and one from lung cancer.
I now have two brothers with prostate cancer.

I'm sorry about your friend.
I'm 71 and have lost close friends over the years to a variety of reasons.
I have their memories.

[central scrutinizer]

46. My wife died from pancreatic cancer March 1

I am so thankful for the ACA. Her death couldn't be averted but bankruptcy and homelessness were. Hospice was the best alternative for us. She died at home with her dignity and autonomy intact and her family and friends surrounding her.

If pain is an issue for your friend, have him check out methadone. It made a huge difference in my wife's lucidity and quality of life until she needed morphine at the end. Oxycodone and fentanyl were useless and made her unable to do anything.

[Stuart G]

48. Very sorry to hear this.

[Kali]

49. it sucks ASS

I'm sorry.

[Upthevibe]

50. So sorry to hear about your friend.....

[chillfactor]

51. I am a cancer survivor...

but my thoughts and prayers are with your friend and his family....God bless them all!

[a kennedy]

53. I'm so sorry Miles.......cancer is a bitch.

[Miles Archer]

56. Update to my O.P., my friend passed away today

I want to thank DU for all of the kind words and shared experiences.

Jimmy wouldn't have liked hospice care. He had prepared himself for it and was ready to play whatever cards he was dealt, but as Bernie Leadon once wrote, "My man's got it made, he's far beyond the pain...and we who must remain go on living just the same."

R.I.P., bro.

[irisblue]

57. Miles I am so sorry for your loss.

[Miles Archer]

58. Thank you.

He faced the end with courage and dignity. I'm proud of him.