Talking to Trumpers: the woman dating a MAGA guy

More from my exchanges with Trumpers and how to get new ideas into GOPers, many of whom have authoritarian personalities and are brainwashed by rightwing media.

This story is about a woman who is dating a Trumper.

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A few days ago I was walking past a restaurant window where I could see Fox showing the president spewing his usual lies. (If I had been inside I would tell the owner to turn off Fox, but in this case I didn’t make a special trip in to do that.)

There had been a couple walking down the street in front of me. Guy had stopped to watch the TV, woman keeps walking in front of me and then stops in front of an ice cream store about a block down.

“Ugh”, I say. “Our criminal president, on TV again, just lying without challenge. Typical but unbelievable.”

She says “What? Yeah, I guess. You work in politics somehow?”
Me: “No, I’m just concerned about the state of the country. This is a bad time in America.”

Her: “Well, you know, I agree with you but I try not to get involved in politics.”
Me: “It’s important, though. Republicans want good people to stay silent. That’s why the right tries to shame people for talking about politics. If you think it’s important it’s our job to speak up... that’s why I’m wearing this (Impeach Trump) shirt.”

Her: “Yeah, but I don’t like to talk about politics.
You know, I’m dealing with this right now— my date over there is a Republican and I’m not.”
(What I could have said if I REALLY wanted to get her man angry— conservative men are obsessed with power and who’s taking who’s date, and think liberals are weak and not people who’d ask out ‘their women’: “If I weren’t married I’d love to take you out to dinner.” )
Me, instead: “It’s tough but you look like a nice person who deserves to be treated well. Why date someone who’s a racist — sorry, who knows full well what is going on and wants to support racists?”

Her: “You know, I’m old enough to know what’s good for me.”
Me: “Yeah, I’ve got plenty of male friends and have been in enough relationships myself to know, at my age— anyone who still supports this president in 2019 is not a good person. I think you know that too. And you deserve better than that. You know he’s not going to treat you well.”

I could see on her face that she knew that too. Of course she didn’t like hearing it, but she knew it.

Then I said goodbye and kept walking.

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Keys here: this is a woman who clearly knows what’s right and what’s wrong. She’s the kind of person that will most likely be reached by calm discussion, not with anger; but it’s always important to convey values and how much you care about them. What else is important to say in a discussion with a person like this?

- Don’t be silent. Your values matter. Don’t let conservatives tell you to avoid politics. Politics is people’s lives and those are important principles you should own.

- Think carefully about whether you want to be in a relationship with someone with bad values. (That’s not always the right thing to say at every time, but it was clear here that she was upset at him, so a little nudge from a stranger might be useful.)








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- This is one part of a series describing my often (but not always) successful efforts to discuss politics with Trumpers. Hope my experiences help others! Watch for more.