Conservatives unveil new ‘just fuck shit up before 2015’ plan

[Joe Shlabotnik]

OTTAWA - After a year plagued by scandal and unpopular legislation, representatives of the Harper government have announced that the administration’s new strategy is to just try and pass as many shortsighted and disastrous policies as possible before they get defeated by the Liberals or NDP in 2015.

“We’re losing the next election anyway, so we figured we might as well just play some speed metal songs and trash the country with a baseball bat on our way out,” said Minister of Employment and Social Development Jason Kenney, drawing a Hitler moustache on a portrait of John A. Macdonald.

With even hardcore supporters questioning the administration’s spending habits and basic priorities, the Conservatives have spent the past week setting fire to the boreal forest, breaking up the trans-Canada highway with sledgehammers, and using Rona Ambrose’s pickup truck, the one with the novelty metal testicles hanging from the rear bumper, to pull down the CN Tower.

“The great thing is, we’ve got a headstart on all this,” shouted Minister of Foreign Affairs John Baird, urinating his name into the carpet of the House of Commons. “The country’s international reputation is ruined, and we don’t even know how many centuries it will take for the environment to recover, because we fired all the scientists and then banged their spouses.”

http://www.thebeaverton.com/national/item/1341-conservatives-unveil-new-just-fuck-shit-up-before-2015-plan

[Enthusiast]

1. Conservatives. Are they anything like Republicans?

Sounds like it.

[arikara]

5. Very similar to the tea bag sect of the Republican Party

Except that Harper doesn't have the military or money to start wars, all he can do is bluster about it and send six jets to protect the Ukraine from Russia. They'll break down over there though.

The whole thing is a little embarrassing. Canada used to be renowned for peacekeeping.

[Bortman33]

2. Destroys the myth that

Right wing hacks never learn anything. They are just mirroring what the right wing has been doing in America since ronnie raygun stole the presidency. In the last six years they have tripled down on the destruction of America after Obama buried their asses in the elections of 2008 and 2012!

"A women scorned" doesn't even come within a light year of the destructive forces unleashed when "right wing hack loses at the ballot box." Come to think of it, it's even worse when they win.

[locks]

3. We need to read the Beaverton more often

better than the Onion

[blkmusclmachine]

4. Harper, George W. Bush's little lap dog.

[Ken Burch]

6. Is "The Beaverton" Canada's answer to The Onion?

if so, cool.