Can you relate?

[ohheckyeah]

Tech support: What kind of computer do you have?
Customer: A white one...
Tech support: Click on the 'my computer' icon on to the left of the screen.
Customer: Your left or my left?

****************************

Customer: Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print. Every time I try, it says 'Can't find printer'. I've even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can't find it..
****************************
Tech support: What's on your monitor now, ma'am?
Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me at the 7-11.
****************************
Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore.
Tech support: Are you sure it's plugged into the computer?
Customer: No. I can't get behind the computer.
Tech support: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back.
Customer: ! OK
Tech support: Did the keyboard come with you?
Customer: Yes
Tech support: That means the keyboard is not plugged in.
****************************
Customer: I can't get on the Internet.
Tech support: Are you sure you used the right password?
Customer: Yes, I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it.
Tech support: Can you tell me what the password was?
Customer: Five dots.
****************************
Tech support: What anti-virus program do you use?
Customer: Netscape.
Tech support: That's not an anti-virus program.
Customer: Oh, sorry... Internet Explorer..
****************************
Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screen saver on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears.
****************************
Tech support: How may I help you?
Customer: I'm writing my first email.
Tech support: OK, and what seems to be the problem?
Customer: Well, I have the letter 'a' in the address, but how do I get the little circle around it?
****************************
This one and the next are our personal favorites!
A woman customer called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer.
Tech support: Are you running it under windows?
Customer: 'No, my desk is next to the door, but that is a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his printer is working fine.'
****************************
And last but not least!
Tech support: 'Okay Bob, let's press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter 'P' to bring up the Program Manager.'
Customer: I don't have a P.
Tech support: On your keyboard, Bob.
Customer: What do you mean?
Tech support: 'P'.....on your keyboard, Bob.
Customer: I'M NOT GOING TO DO THAT!

[Glassunion]

1. Yep... Did HD for 10+ years. Glad that's behind me.

[ohheckyeah]

2. Some of the comments reminded me a lot

of my dad when he needs computer help.

[Glassunion]

3. It had its moments.

A few I've had...

1. I unplugged the keyboard. Now it won't work.
2. The time of the Royal Swedish Navy is exactly 8:45:15. The time on my computer reads 8:42:33. The computer is broken.
3. Where is the Internet?

[ohheckyeah]

8. LOL -

how do you Google or why do I need Firefox when I have Google?

[RC]

4. Having worked on the receiving end of an IT phone, I'm sure these were all taken from real life.

[Soylent Brice]

5. bwahahahhaahaaaa!!!

Yes, I can. I'm a level 1.

These are awesome.

[discntnt_irny_srcsm]

6. My conclusion

Larry, Moe and Curly have been reincarnated millions of times and they all call HD daily.

[ohheckyeah]

7. I love it when my

dad asks me what the "thingy" is on his screen. He's highly offended when I don't know what he means by "thingy." For a long time he was obsessed with the fact that you have to click on the Start button to shut the computer down. Finally, I explained to him that you shut your car off by turning the key in the "starter" and you use the same switch to turn a light on and off. That seemed to work.

My brother can never remember which icon is McAfee and which is Malwarebytes and why he would possibly need both programs. He got a virus because he didn't have any virus program so he was going to throw his computer away. I told him that was like junking your car because you got a flat tire. He seemed to understand that analogy.

My mom gets pissed at Facebook because old comments show up on her Wall. She thinks once she reads them they should just disappear.

My nephew couldn't figure out how he got a virus when he had a virus program on his computer. Ummm, maybe because you didn't renew your subscription and it hasn't been active for over 6 months?

It's interesting being the go to person for computer problems for my whole family and all of my friends.

[Fumesucker]

9. I've found being good at analogies is really helpful when dealing with non geek type people..

Find the right analogy and you can see the light bulb over their head turn on..

[discntnt_irny_srcsm]

10. A good analogy is like...

...oh wait that's a simile. If I try to explain a metaphor without sarcasm or hyperbole, my head hurts.

[BlueJazz]

11. Mine usually goes something like: Ok...I'm going to format your drive now and you say there's...

... nothing on it that you want to save like pictures, documents or films, etc.

Man: Um...no wipe it clean. We have nothing worth saving.
Me: fine..Do you have your email password?
Man; yes...it's david4357567
Me: very good. I'll write that down.
Me...formats drive, installs 7 (or whatever)

Wife comes home.
Wife: did you save all my wedding pictures and films.
Me. Well...no..your husband said tha..
Wife: NOOOOO...Oh NoOOOOOOOOO!!!!

Man: We saved the email password
Me I go to their hotmail account (Password not right)
Man: it's david4357567 and I'....
wife: No, No...we changed it...don't you remember???
Man: (to wife) Did you write it down
Wife: No
Me: Excuse me while I go out to the car for a minute.
Me (inside car) pulls out knife and stabs myself in the throat.

[ohheckyeah]

12. LOL...

not really funny but you might as well laugh, I guess.

I get to go with my 85 year old dad this week to pick out a new printer and then install it for him. Not a problem except he will ask questions that he won't understand the answers to. It's always interesting.

I shouldn't make fun - my parents are both 85 and at least they try. My mom was so proud to have her own Facebook account.

My dad still calls emails "wires" as in he's going to wire someone.

[hobbit709]

13. Which is why as a matter of routine I plug in an external drive and copy all docs, etc first

[BlueJazz]

14. Well...yeah, but you don't understand, I like stabbing myself in the throat.

No...I bought a 64 gig flash drive and have started saving everything that I even suspect might be valuable. (after taking ownership of all files).