The Lorax Meets the Fracker-in-Chief (Onceler Governor Tom Corbett of PA.)
From the Land of Tax Free Fracking (With apologies to the great Dr. Suess)
Narrator:
At the far end of Pennsylvania, the rivers had once ran clean. The farm fields were fertile and the mountains had trees. The birds sang happily and the wellwater was trusted. But now the wind smelled sour, and the water exploded.
Why did this happen?
Governor Gashole knows, but you cannot ask him questions. At his Mansion's door, guards won’t let you knock. He lurks in his buddies’ factories, no critics allowed. To stenographic reporters, he sometimes peeks out. One thing is sure, he always knows he is right.
Into the Governor's Mansion, the Lorax did sneak: "I am the Lorax. I speak for the water, for the water has no tongues. I speak for the water, for which you barter. Trading pollution for power."
Governor Gashole: Our goal is to make this land so vast, into the Texas of natural gas.
Lorax: I am the Lorax, and I'll yell and I'll shout for the fine things on earth that are on their way out!
Gov. Gashole: Now, you listen to me, while I blow my top! Water, farms and trees, you speak for these? Well, we're busy biggering and biggering, creating forests of gas wells. Texans have come to get wealthy - I'm not worried about healthy. Our state has a new name, no more history is needed. We now are “Penn’s Wells”, and no critics are heeded.
Lorax: And I'm asking you sir, beware of the leaks. There’s horrible things you’ve done with our creeks.
Gov. Gashole: Trust me, there's no cause for alarm. Only a few explosions will happen, there will be no harm.
Lorax: You're crazy - crazy with greed. How can we clean up after your dastardly deeds? You've taken common out of Commonwealth.
Gov. Gashole: I know what the public will believe. I’m so boring, my words they don’t even try to read. It's the industry of the future, you irritating pup! Gas smell is progress, as my campaign funds fill up. For the love of my heart, no taxes will be allowed to part. Screw the disabled, the bus riders, and those who fish. Slash colleges, schools and food stamps, I must. Learn fracking, or starve, that is my motto, for all.
Lorax: Please! I object in the name of the trees!
Gov. Gashole: Put your complaints in this trash can, if you please.
Secretary: Governor! Governor! Range Resources stock is way up!
Gov. Gashole: Yippee! We’re drilling like never before! And profits are soaring galore!
Lorax: They say I'm old-fashioned, and live in the past, but sometimes I think progress progresses too fast. You ought to be locked in a sludge pond, you should! The things that you do are completely un-good.”
Gov. Gashole: But progress is progress, and progress must grow!
Lorax: You're making such smoke - the poor hawks, they can't breath! They cannot live here, so I'm sending them off.
Gov. Gashole: You want me to regulate? That’s what I hate! You want me to tax them? For that, it’s too late.
Lorax: I'm sorry to yell, but my dander is up! Your machinery chugs on, day and night without stop. Our creeks are filling up with leaking gluppity-glupp! You're glumping the pond where the humming fish hummed. No more can they hum, for their gills are all gummed. As I send them off, their future is dreary. I hear things are just as bad up near Lake Erie.
Narrator: And at that very moment, we heard a loud boom. From out in the gas fields came a sickening gloom. Then we saw the last well was done... the last well of them all. The boom was a bust.
The Texans quicky jumped into their SUVs, and drove off under the smoke-smothered trees.
Left behind was the foul-smelling sky, and ponds full of sludge and fish with three eyes. Before he flew off, the Lorax left a message.
It was a single word: “Unless"
Just a word. Just a thought. But what about what? About something I ought?
Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothing's going to get better. It's not.
You're in charge of your state. Treat it with care. Keep the water clean, and keep the air fresh. Grow a forest. Protect it from derricks that leak. Then the eagles, and all of his friends may come back.
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* Note - the original book really did include a rhyme with Lake Erie.
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