What are the saddest legal challenges faced by same-sex couples with children?

[Mister Ed]

I'd be grateful for any help DU'ers can offer me with a letter that I'm writing to my state senator in the hope of convincing her to support a marriage-equality bill that is gaining momentum in the Minnesota legislature.

She's a newly-elected Republican who hasn't held political office before. I've met her once, but don't really know her at all. She's long been a prominent businesswoman in my area, and her teenage daughter is a schoolfriend of my own daughter.

It's not enough to just sound off to my legislator. I want to persuade her. I want to win her support, if it's humanly possible. But there's a key piece that I'm missing.

I falter when I get to the part of the letter where I want to describe to her the cruel and unfair legal obstacles faced by parents whose commitment the state refuses to recognize. I'm embarrassed that I have such a poor grasp of their reality. Like so many privileged people, I'm afraid I'm all too out-of-touch with what things are really like for people who are denied the simple rights that I take for granted.

My senator is a devoted spouse and a loving parent, just like me - and just like my gay neighbors who, until recently, lived around the corner from me with their two adopted children. I want to help her to walk in their shoes, and imagine how different life would be for her and her family if the state would not recognize the legitimacy of her marriage. But before I can do that, I need some of the same schooling myself.

So what are some of the most important ways in which a marriage-equality bill will help families with same-sex parents? What are the things that might touch her heart, as a wife and mother?

Thank you for your help.

[sgsmith]

1. How about the children of a lesbian couple denied visitation

when one of their parents collapsed prior to leaving on a cruise.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Janice_Langbehn

[beyurslf]

2. There are two institutions that make unrelated people related: adoption and marriage.

Think of all things that happen because you are related to your spouse--none of those things happen to gay couples.
They are not each other's next of kin.
They cannot make decisions for the other one.
Insurance policies often won't cover the other.
All of the legal benefits that happen by signing one piece of paper (a marriage certificate) take mountains of paperwork and money to achieve for gay couples.