The Gay Male Couple’s Guide to Nonmonogamy
http://www.advocate.com/Arts_and_Entertainment/Features/The_Gay_Male_Couple_Guide_to_Nonmonogamy/Mikey Rox and Everett Earl Morrow, both now 30, were committed to monogamy when they met and fell in love. That was five years ago. “After a couple instances of infidelity to which we both confessed, we decided it’s not realistic to expect either of us to never hook up with anyone else ever again,” says Rox, principal of Paper Rox Scissors Copy and Creative in Manhattan. The legally married couple has had an open relationship for the last two years. “Who wouldn’t want to be allowed to hook up with other guys and have their husband be OK with it?” he asks. “Isn’t that what most men dream of, and isn’t the limitation of sex with one partner in a marriage the reason why so many people cheat?” Adds Morrow, “As two men, sex isn’t particularly emotional for either of us. That enables us to separate our love for one another from the occasional physical attraction we may have for another guy.”
Matthew and Pablo, married 40-something realtors in Palm Springs, Calif., were monogamous for the first eight of their 15 years together. “We sort of just fell into our open relationship,” says Matthew. “It’s been a slow evolution. In the beginning, we only played together, which made it feel less threatening.” They still enjoy the occasional threesome, but for the last few years have increasingly sought sex outside the relationship.
Jelle and Guido, both 44-year-old ground personnel for an international airline in Amsterdam, have been together since 1997. For 10 years monogamy reigned. But when physical attraction waned, sex fell by the wayside and the relationship soured, eventually hitting rock bottom. The two figured they had nothing to lose, opened up their relationship, and saved it. “I’m really happy,” says Guido. “It made our relationship stronger. I’m glad he’s my partner, I love him, and I believe it was a wise decision to give each other the freedom we needed.” Adds Jelle: “There are so many things keeping us together: love, trust, friendship, security, common hobbies and interests, humor, a shoulder to cry on. Much too much to give up for that tiny but oh so important aspect in life that is sex.”
Although no one knows for sure how many gay couples are in open relationships, or whether they are on the decline, it’s certain these men are not alone. “I would feel comfortable saying that at least four out of five long-term gay male couples are not monogamous,” says Beverly Hills sexologist Winston Wilde. “Monogamy rarely does work for more than two years — for most straight and bi men as well.”
= new reply since forum marked as read
To draw an analogy, when you marry someone, and then later get divorced, it is false to claim you were never married.
I get that maybe you are disappointed that the world doesn't live up to high ideals. That doesn't mean we don't all aspire to health, happiness, prosperity and love for everyone.
Peace to you, MNBrewer. 
It was just one more "identity" to which you had to accept or deny. You chose to accept it. I believe we live in such a "sex-negative" cullture, that anything, even remotely, considered outside the "norm/standard" is looked down upon and is expected to be a source of shame and embarassment.
On a side note, I didn't think you were equating being gay with nonmonogamy. But, isn't it interesting you felt the need to add the caveat? I look at it as nipping it in the bud. 
I've done both monogamous & non, and I'm currently single, so you see that neither one worked for me 
I'm not exactly partial to either, but as somebody earlier stated, the first 2 years are often monogamous for many couples before they reevaluate. So, perhaps I'd find myself quite content in a monogamous situation under certain circumstances & NOT under others.
HBB and I had some long talks when we got together and we both came to the conclusion that it's not the outside sex that causes the jealousy, it's the feeling of being excluded. It has been our experience that men will stray, so we decided that "straying" together made sense for a lot of reasons. Not the least of which is looking out for and taking care of each other. That is, sometimes the little head tries to take charge of the big head and the "crazy filter" doesn't kick in. I trust HBB to say, "I know you think he's hot, and I think he's real cute, too, but my crazy-detector is going off." and vice versa. There's a lot of dysfunction out in the community and we don't need it.
If someone is fixated on one of us but doesn't want anything to do with the other, that's also a red flag. We're a unit, even when we, uh, entertain a guest. It's not "two with one" in any direction: it's three having an equally good time at play. Any other situation is unfair. If nothing else, our relationship runs on being strictly fair and strictly honest with one another. Above anything else, we cherish our dead-honest friendship with one another. That has been the strong foundation of our relationship since day one. We trust each other's counsel without reservation.
Besides, it's as much fun to watch while you're catching your breath When morning arrives and everyone is equally sore and grinning we consider that a success. Almost reliably, we pounce each other again when Guest bids adieu.
So, no, we see nothing wrong with extracurricular activities as long as everyone is aware of and follows the ground rules.
Thanks for the good wishes. We're so not out of the woods yet, just taking one day at a time.
some kind of logic right? 
You will, whippersnapper, as you get older. 
