My anti-gay sister in law is transitioning!

[Pab Sungenis]

Six years ago, a rift formed in my family when, at a party, my sister in law came out against gay marriage and everything gay. She berated my husband and I for preparing to codify our relationship in law, as had sort-of become the case with the passage of New Jersey's Civil Union law.

Ignoring the fact that her mother was a lesbian (who actually defended her when we asked her not to attend our wedding if she was so against it) she berated homosexuality and the "choices" we had made. That was the last time we spoke with her.

We got a letter in the mail this week, half legal notice and half fundraising plea, that she had changed her name legally from "Dara" to "Dante," and soliciting funds to pay for the next phase of her gender reassignment surgery.

While I support her decision wholeheartedly, as it is her decision to make, I cannot help but shake my head in disbelief and confusion.

[johnp3907]

1. Makes sense to me.

I've always felt that when people lash out at the "others," they're really lashing out at themselves.

[Pab Sungenis]

3. I kind of felt the same.

I just hope that she is transitioning because he identifies better as a man and not just to put her sexual attraction to other women in a "more acceptable" container. Even though we're linked together, LGB and T are different creatures in many ways and those differences aren't always understood and appreciated.

[mucifer]

2. Very sad that he has that much self hatred and that it was directed at you.

[LeftofObama]

4. WOW! The nerve!

You are a lot more cool and calm about this than I would be. I would tell her to get lost, both in a written reply and to her face.

[Pab Sungenis]

5. What nerve?

The poor girl has always been confused and frustrated. Now, I hope, he is coming to terms with himself and who he is, and can finally be happy about himself.

Boy, the pronouns can get confusing in the middle of the transition, can't they?

[LeftofObama]

6. Sorry about the pronoun usage.

Yes, it can be quite confusing sometimes so I just used the pronoun you used in your last sentence......

"While I support her decision wholeheartedly, as it is her decision to make, I cannot help but shake my head in disbelief and confusion."



I guess the nerve I'm talking about is that he had to have had some inkling that he wasn't comfortable in the body he was in and would rather transition to male all the while berating you for your lifestyle "choice." And then to come along later as if nothing was ever said and have the nerve to ask for a donation to help pay for his transition.

[Pab Sungenis]

7. Not criticizing your pronoun usage.

I'm having a hard enough time. I still think of him as "she." A habit of 21 years is hard to break.

[mitchtv]

8. Wow an extreme example

of anti gay behavior projection, kind of confusing , All I can say is"good luck' to him.It seems to be like homophobic, behavior but different.

[Zorra]

9. Congratulations on your new brother, Pab.

Hopefully your relationship with him will improve markedly from now on..

[tonekat]

10. So people are kickstarting

their surgery now? Damn, I should have tried that.

I have mixed feelings about that method of raising funds. I took a chunk out of my retirement, so I'll probably die at my desk. But that's how much I wanted it.

[sgsmith]

11. Most trans don't behave that way

I would try to find out a few items as discretely as you can. Is he following the Standards of Care as promulgated by WPATH? Yes, the psychology stuff can be daunting, but the SOC seems to be a good tool to be used in transitioning.

Is he using Testosterone? Under the care of a medical provider? T is a controlled medication, and should be prescribed by a medical provider. Street drugs may not be the best way to go.

http://www.wpath.org/publications_standards.cfm

[theHandpuppet]

12. One of the most confusing cases I've ever read

Did Dara harbor some deep-seated resentment against your mother? I can't imagine your mother didn't feel hurt when her daughter railed against gays and I'm surprised your Mom defended her at your expense.

[Pab Sungenis]

13. Mother in law, not mother.

But the case is confusing to say the least. I just hope he's more comfortable with himself now.