A 23-Year-Old Gay-Marriage Opponent Explains Herself

[xchrom]

http://www.theatlantic.com/politics/archive/2014/04/a-23-year-old-gay-marriage-opponent-explains-herself/360518/

?n3vegc

Our inquiry into whether gay-marriage opponents ought to be punished in their professional lives may benefit from some correspondence from folks on both sides. Stay tuned for a thoughtful email from a reader who thinks I've got it all wrong. For now, meet Mina, who describes herself as a 23-year-old African-American college student, "a strong Christian who believes in the Biblical definition of marriage." An opponent of gay marriage, she takes exception to the people who've likened her to an anti-black racist. She sent me two notes, and while the first is a bit vague as to her actual beliefs, perhaps it will help us get to know her:

It's so rare for me to see gay marriage supporters saying the things you have said, and I desperately wish more gay marriage supporters would say those things. You understand that being opposed to gay marriage does not necessarily stem from hate. Very few people seem to understand that, and I am so sick and tired of my beliefs always being misunderstood. It seems like gay marriage supporters never actually take the time to understand traditional marriage supporters. We're all automatically labeled as "homophobes," and that's an excuse they use to stop listening to anything we have to say.

If only they listened, they would understand that we're not the evil, hateful bigots they think we are. Please keep making these points to gay marriage supporters. I never, ever take the time to write an email to a famous opinion columnist like this, but I felt the need to write this one to you because of how incredibly important it is for gay marriage supporters to stop misunderstanding, misjudging, and trying to stigmatize us traditional marriage supporters. Many gay marriage supporters make traditional marriage supporters like me feel hated and feared, and I sometimes have to hide my beliefs in a closet. Ironically, this is what they think I do to gay people. The hypocrisy will go on and on until more people speak out against it.

I responded by asking if she would offer a bit more detail to readers curious about her beliefs (about gays generally and gay marriage specifically). She did. As a secular, gay-marriage supporter, I obviously disagree with much of what she has to say, and believe that it's important, for society and for gays, to fight hard for marriage equality. But that isn't the issue before us. What I'd ask of readers, as you peruse her note, is to imagine this 23-year-old African-American woman graduating, founding a company, making a significant contribution in her chosen field, and being appointed to a c-suite leadership position. Should society impose a stigma that strips her of that position if she still believes as follows?

[MNBrewer]

1. What a boring plea to tolerate her intolerance.

I have zero sympathy for this young homophobic woman. Biased beliefs on how others should be treated should be evaluated on their actual effects, not on their provenance. It's a religious belief, so what? It's been believed for thousands of years, so what?

[Loudly]

2. While reaping the benefits of a civil rights movement she can now take for granted.

Lack of historical perspective goes with the territory when you're 23.

[LostOne4Ever]

8. Yet

The vast majority of people around our age range are the MOST supportive of the civil rights of the LGBTQ community and those who came of age during the civil rights movement (~60yrs of age or older) are the least supportive.

I think it has more to do with whether one embraces tradition and opposes change.

[smartphone]

3. I don't think she "explains herself", more like...

she feels uncomfortable finding out that what she was taught about gay people isn't comporting with the reality of the world she now lives in. And she's having a hard time figuring out how not to be labelled a bigot if she keeps insisting upon her first allegiances to her own conception of a god, one that was taught and reinforced to her over her mere 23 years as a human on this planet.

Instead of spending her weekends exploring science, she was lectured to by people writing their lectures using a many thousand year old book. She's just having problems with what she was taught, and finding out that there's other ways of looking at the people and the world around her, (including the animals). So she's voicing her discomfort with what she sees outside of what she has been indoctrinated in, and, up until now, wanted to believe was the truth. Now, afraid to abandon that indoctrination which taught her one and only one way to react to something different, she complains that she's meeting up with some flack, and it's a bit painful for her.

To her I have one big welcome to the human race: "Honey, what took you so long? Life ain't always fair and fun, and you're feeling a bit of pain, we all feel pain, sister, some more than others. Think of your brother and sisters that feel more pain than you do, and now let's get on with the living."

[closeupready]

4. Superstitious voodoo has no place in setting government policy.

Or shouldn't.

[Fearless]

5. I wonder if she agrees with the biblically defined role of a wife.

[nomorenomore08]

6. Should people be "punished" for having bigoted views? No, but they shouldn't be patted on the back

either. And a lot of these kind of articles come dangerously close to doing so.

[Boomer]

7. Whether she hates me or not is irrelevant

Would she be mollified if a white slave owner said "I don't hate you"?

Whatever her motivations may be, the end result is that she is keeping me from marrying my partner of 24 years. That action is hateful, even if she herself does not hate me.

[LostOne4Ever]

9. Just because someone's religion says eating pork is a sin

Does not mean that its okay to try and codify that into law and enforce it upon everyone whether they believe or not. What the girl is supporting hurts real people, and she is just trying to hide behind her religion yet again to avoid being called out for it.

Does she eat pork? Shrimp? Wear multiple types of clothing? Ever insulted her parents? Worked on the Sabbath? Does she support enforcing any of these religious restrictions through the law? I doubt it. She is picking and choosing what she wants to believe.

There are multiple churches that don't hold these bigoted views. She could easily join any one of them. The truth is that SHE is a bigot and is choosing a religion that conforms to her prejudices to hide behind. Its the same old song and dance they always play.

Is it enough, for those who disagree with this perspective, to forcefully critique it, as I would recommend? Or should society stigmatize this young woman as a bigot and punish her professionally for the mix of attitudes and beliefs expressed above? As you decide, recall that her position will certainly lose, even without stigma.

Should we punish people professionally for being white supremacists? If so then we should punish them for being homophobic bigots.

There would be no debate on this if that were the case. But this goes beyond that. People like this young lady are not guilty of just having bigoted views....but are ACTIVELY WORKING TO GET IT CODIFIED INTO THE LAW FOR EVERYONE.

That is not okay, and there should be repercussions for that.