LGBT
Related: About this forumWe like our hot guys stupid
By Emerson Collins[font color=green]This young man is a contributing writer to the Dallas Voice and is producing some very insightful articles that are gaining him some notoriety. Warning: He isn't a bad looking chap either![/font]
The scene: A gaggle of gays, bedecked in their Sunday Funday finest, stand sipping top-shelf cocktails at the bar. One gay stops abruptly halfway through his forty-seventh scan of the crowd, his jaw drops, and he exclaims, Oh my god! Check that one out, he is goooooooorgeous! The rest of the circle turns to check the object of affection, and a second gay banters back, Yeah, but hes probably dumb as a box of hair. The first gay, undeterred, responds, I do not care. I would (insert appropriately graphic analogy here) to him. Fin.
Its a scene that occurs with clockwork frequency at gay bars, parties, gatherings or fundraisers, for where two or three gays have gathered together, eye candy shall be judged in their midst. I think its in the gay Bible. Its also a fascinating insight into how we judge ourselves and each other. Ive never once heard the opening commentary about an attractive man be followed by, And I bet hes brilliant. We just arent open to that possibility. Why is that?
Were open to intelligence and witty conversation from those who are deemed cute, attractive, handsome or quirky, but when someone is that unquantifiable kind of gorgeous where everyone kind of has to acknowledge their beauty, whether they are your personal type or not we do not like them smart.
It can be seen in the nonchalant and regular judgment of gogo boys, porn stars, models, shirtless runners and those guys at the gym with the annoyingly low body fat and eight-packs that are visible through the bulkiest of sweaters. Entirely too regularly, theres the assumption that if they look like that, they must be stupid.
More at http://www.dallasvoice.com/hot-guys-stupid-10172495.html .
TreasonousBastard
(43,049 posts)someone being gorgeous and bright. This has been true of women all along, where the hot ones just have to be bimbos.
And it's men and women both who make this mistake.
Jesus Malverde
(10,274 posts)TeacherB87
(249 posts)what about all of the gay men that don't sip on top-shelf cocktails at the gay bar. There are many of us that do not, and have never, fit the mold described in the article above. This article doesn't tell us anything new about the gay archetype. It just repackages what we already know into something that appears superficially novel because of its wording. The more we focus on the gay men like that, the more we forget the rest of us (the vast majority of gay men).
TexasTowelie
(112,171 posts)but let's face it--how many people would read his story if it focused on nerdy, gay dweebs instead? He wrote a headline and a story that would catch the reader's attention--that is all. I also believe that Collins shows a remarkable amount of maturity for his age, (I'm assuming he is in his young to mid 20s based on his photo).
We shouldnt do that to them, sure, but far more importantly, we shouldnt be doing that to ourselves. Would it be nice to be that top tier level of attractive? The narcissist in me says absolutely. There was a time in late adolescence where I legitimately had the thought that I would trade all of my other gifts and talents to be that Abercrombie V-shaped perfect specimen, even if I was below average in every other way. And I meant it. I thought it would be so much easier not to have to reassure myself continuously that once they get to know me, it usually gets better.
I dont feel that way anymore, but I still have to aggressively resist the urge to look at those I perceive as hotter than me and compare myself to them, totally objectively of course. Its one of the strange aspects of homosexual attraction and dating. We can do a one-to-one comparison with potential paramours of everything from intelligence and talents to knowledge to athletic ability to well, sizes all of them, and that one. We should really, truly, definitely not do that to each other or ourselves.
Its ultimately about our confidence and perception of others, but it starts with how we view ourselves. Its looking in the mirror and not seeing the traumas of bullying or adolescence, but acknowledging the man standing there now. Its seeing the things that make him beautiful, both inside and out, and loving and truly embracing the uniqueness of him as a total package.
Finally, if you haven't receive this message yet then let me be the first: welcome to DU!
Fearless
(18,421 posts)Just a comma, but much difference in meaning.
For the record, I would love to find a brilliant, attractive guy with one stipulation... he needs to be humble and not arrogant. To me that's one of the least attractive qualities, hot or brilliant or not.
TexasTowelie
(112,171 posts)I don't mind a little arrogance (as in "pride" , but it also important to admit to being fallible and/or modest since no one should be placed upon a pedestal and worshiped.
House of Roberts
(5,169 posts)Earth Girls Are Easy.
theHandpuppet
(19,964 posts)A brain is a beautiful thing.
Rowdyboy
(22,057 posts)on the physical beauty of some of the young guys, both customers and staff, but we don't ever prejudge their intelligence based on physical appearance. I've known very intelligent men who were good looking, and some who weren't. Their attitude is much more important.
Most of the wait staff at our favorite restaurants are young college students who are usually very friendly. If they're a pleasure to look at, thats just lagniappe.