I'm having a problem about Alzheimer's / wife, maybe me now

[clydefrand]

I recently had to take my wife to a facility for Alzheimer's patients.
After seeing the symptoms, I'm thinking I may be getting a touch of it myself (my mother had Alzheimer's
at about my age (80). My problem is this:
I have a house which I really don't need anymore. Should I go ahead and sell it? or stick around until
I'm a full Alzheimer's patient? at which time I won't have any idea what to do? I don't really have anyone
to leave the house to with a possibility of giving it to one of my wife's relatives.
Any one ever have to go thru anything like this, or have suggestions about what I should do?
If I give it to the relative, should I go ahead and deed it to her now? Any suggestions would be
appreciated. Thanks.

[MADem]

1. Go see a lawyer and get everything sorted out while you still have your marbles.

Decisions need to be made about when things get sold, how stuff is distributed, and where you want to wind up as a patient (maybe with your wife?). A lawyer can give you solid advice, for your state, in complete confidence. See a good lawyer--one with a decent reputation for good, solid work.

They'll spend most of your money on taking care of you, but if there's any left over, you can designate a charity that is meaningful to you, like say, a no-kill animal shelter or eradication of some disease--alzheimer's might be a good pick.

Are you feeling ready to go to an assisted living facility? Is there a way you could get a place near your wife so you can visit her, or is she well enough that you could live together in an apartment in an assisted living complex?

Good luck to you--this is a time of transition for you and that is always stressful. Talk it out with a lawyer and get a handle on the financial end, first. Then figure out where your heart is. Take it from there.

Best of luck to you.

[Gman]

2. To expand a bit on MADem

Today's assisted living facilities are wonderful places. You basically have an apartment with full care. Medicare can assist in the cost.

[enough]

3. Clydefrand, you have just been through one of the most difficult things that life can bring us.

Experiencing the decline of a spouse into Alzheimer's is so terribly hard, partly because you feel so alone. I took care of both my parents through their decline and death with dementia. I have always thought it would be even harder if the patient was your spouse.

The first thing I would say is, take your time. You need to recover a bit from the emotional and physical toll of taking care of a loved one with Alzheimers. Nothing makes you feel more stressed and even despairing than that. It will take a while to come back to yourself.

Second, if you're worried about your own mental state, you can get checked out by a neurologist. Getting a medical opinion will help to free you from the stress of wondering. It will also connect you with a network of services that can help guide you no matter what the outcome of the testing.

You can also talk with a doctor or therapist about the heart-rending grief and confusion that comes with taking care of someone you love who has Alzheimer's. It took me about five years to get my mental and physical equilibrium back after taking care of my parents.

If you're feeling isolated there are groups you can meet with who have been through the reality of Alzheimer's caregiving. You can find them through the Alzheimer's Association. http://www.alz.org You can probably find a group somewhere near you.

Good luck to you, clydefrand.

[dixiegrrrrl]

6. Excellent suggestions. n/t

[alfie]

4. I ag I agree that a lawyer should be your next stop

Is there a facility in your area with an independent living area? Our town has one connected to their assisted living and Alzheimers unit. The apartments were quite nice and spacious for a single person. There was staff on duty 24 hours a day to assist if needed. Residents who could still drive could keep their car. Otherwise the facility had a van that made weekly trips to the two grocery stores in town and bi-monthly trips to WalMart. They also took "fun" trips at other times. There was a dining room residents could choose to eat in instead of cooking on their own. They had activities throughout the week, bingo, bridge, outside groups for little concerts, etc. This one charged 1600/month. I think that included utilities, but am not sure.

If you lived in such a place, you could sign forms that would allow the staff and your physician to report to your lawyer any issues of concern they had about your mental or physical problems so he could follow the plan you and he decide on now while you are still thinking clearly about your future.

Good luck!

[zalinda]

5. I wish I could help more

but, I would first check out any social service agencies in your city or state. See if they or Legal Aid can direct you to either a lawyer or someone who specializes in this area. It can be very confusing to find a lawyer, if you don't know exactly who or what you are looking for. You will also need someone to assist in your finances, to help you make the decisions you need to make.

Going into assisted living may be the best route, as you could live in an apartment and not have to worry about maintaining a house. It is something only you can decide if you would like. Many places have communal eating so you would not have to cook or eat alone. There are activities that you can do with others, or maybe take a travel tour while you are still healthy.

You also need to get to a doctor who specializes in eldercare. You may not have Alzheimer's, but you have to find out. There are other things that can cause memory loss.

Mostly, swing for the bleachers, do things that you always wanted to do, but put off. In other words, make the best of the time you have left. Hell, you could easily last another 20 years, in relatively good health. At least that's what I would want for you.

Z