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This message was self-deleted by its author (HereSince1628) on Sun Jan 22, 2012, 03:02 PM. When the original post in a discussion thread is self-deleted, the entire discussion thread is automatically locked so new replies cannot be posted.
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I find that there are many 'locked doors' that surround me. Every so often something 'unlocks' one of those doors and they burst open with a brutal reminder of something I'm trying to suppress. You've had a number of doors open all at once and I think you have every right to feel the way you do.
I know it really sucks but it beats the alternative; trying to shut and lock the 'doors' that open. That's usually my routine course of action when faced with certain harsh realities.
You are on a path to wellness and I know it's a real mo-fo for you. It's not the path you'd like to take, but I've found that the trail isn't the fairytale wonderland that I'd hoped it to be. I know that's a real "well, duh" statement. Just wish I could help you in some fashion.
As for those that would judge you or draw some insensitive conclusion I defer to the words of an old friend; "fuck em".
I wish I had your strength. That you are able to articulate your feelings in the way you do speaks to me as someone who is going to be well.
This reply probably had a healthy dose of incoherent. It's the "way I roll" (I hate that statement.... it's like "man up"
these days.
Be well
As crappy as all this appears to be right now, it may prove to be the way forward. I'm sorry I don't have better words for you this evening.
everything seem easier to manage. Unfortunately I haven't got a clue how to manage my own life, let alone someone else's, so no decent advice here. 
I am, however, very good at giving hugs and cheering people on.
I hope that you get through this experience better than you expect!
